Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Thank you @PinkIdentity (are you Mila? Got a bit confused with the name changes 😂 )

I'll certainly be very careful and not get too invested in anyone for a long time until I know a lot more about them.

Yes. I’m Mila but changed name after I got massively bullied here. I decided they were not going to kick me out just because I live the way I do and make the choices I do. I am the same person and here for the posters I like and respect…like you.

happy rainy Friday all

about to embark upon some custody travel 🧳

mila I’ve realised recently I read and memorise these threads more than is maybe healthy !!

if a perspective is useful- I did see a couple of rather salty posts against your fine self - and nothing stings like a nasty online sting

but - I also saw a larger % of supportive posts back , so remember that too 😊

I do Worsy…and I appreciate those posters who got my back. Including you!.
How are you feeling about handing the kiddos back? I bet you really need a bit of headspace and “me time”, I know I do when I get my days alone. I never thought I needed being alone so much to be honest. You always worry about kids…even when you are not with them physically but they are older now and it feels a lot easier for me.
Are you planning anything for your days off kids?

I'm dipping back in. Took a little break from the apps - found myself being drawn to the hot, non-committal type, because I thought I wanted something casual. A long stretch of abstinence following split from H was probably the reason for that, but it's not really me.

I've gone back after some more therapy, with a new photo and a different mindset. I'm swiping right on the ones who seem nice and have made an effort with their profile. And now have two coffee dates lined up for Mon. Neither are what I would describe as my physical type, but both seem interesting and keen to actually meet.

First date over with and it went well imho but I've been ghosted before after a date that "went well" haha. Now begins the waiting game so see if he messages and I can come up with a nickname for him or if it's back to the grind .

PinkIdentity

feel good about it , I really do need a mental break from thinking /tending to them 24/7

they have extended family and it’s good there for them

have some social plans but very little for 1st week
ill cave !

marplemead

sounds like a sensible strategy actually

I also think some attraction grows

so id you come off the first date and think ‘that was nice ‘ , always worth a second date

😢 I understand that, I felt a bit got at too. We all make our own decisions and live our lives how we choose. I think people get a bit carried away with their advice sometimes and think no one else's opinion counts. You keep doing what works for you ❤️ I read the comments, definitely not anyone's place to tell you what you should do.

Posted too soon ... I always respected your advice and felt you put a lot of thought into what you said.

Little update from me. I apologised for leaving early etc/ feeling overwhelmed and left the ball in his court about whether he wanted to see me again. The answer was a quick clear yes.
Another good date - both very relaxed, laughing, happy, him asking me to an event and him making plans etc and then nothing. It’s been a few weeks of dating now so I would expect to hear something at least daily.
And as I keep being reminded, women should not do the chasing/ arranging.
Always happens when I actually like someone. So I’m back to dating men that are “ok”. More dates lined up.

@Garysmum how long since you heard from him ?
MrNoEffort could easily go 3 days or more without contacting me . Used to drive me nuts

@qqq82 its not been near 36 hours yet which isn’t wholly unusual for him. I think it’s odd he called his friend to organise us to all having lunch one day (and say he would see me this weekend) and then not to contact me the next day.
I won’t chase so just accepted a few invitations for the next few days.

Well I am 10 day after last communication with Mr Wozfunnest before he went on a biz trip to Asia. I know he is maxed out with work and kids but still feel that this time it is over. When/if he gets back in touch then total re-set is in order.

@VanillaSox yeah 10 days is taking the piss in this day and age unless he's in a full body cast in hospital like in some poor comedy movie which I highly doubt is the case

Thx -indeed!!!!!!!
Not going to slio back into this -major re-set or famous final scene.

Good stuff… you lose nothing trying for guys who on paper are nice and tick some boxes…you are slowly going back to dating so do things at your pace. Maybe when you meet up you’ll get pleasantly surprised as if there’s no chemistry, at least you had nice coffee date

Patience my dear…☺️😗

Thank you @humblemeep …you are lovely 🥰

It’s enraging when people bring you in on their plans and then don’t bother to contact you…you can have patience INITIALLY…after a few more dates with him …I would be putting things clear re arrangements and contact…
You have done the right thing doing your stuff this weekend

Vanilla??? Not even a WhatsApp in 10 days ??? What the fuck!!! You need a chat when he’s back. Putting a little message in 10 days is not a huge effort really

@PinkIdentity It’s only been a few dates so far. But he handled my apology with maturity and said how it made him feel. And then he can’t be bothered to contact me. There may not be another date. But if there are a couple more, I will tackle it head on.

Hello!

Nice to see you all.

I'm holding my cards very close just now but hopes are high in Deffy Land.

But as we are all far too aware that could just go to shit. So for now I'm not sharing but I'm here to hold hands and/or celebrate as necessary.

While we are talking about things from the last thread I would like to add that I felt a little judged too about the number of first dates I've been on that went south quickly or ended up with me being ghosted. I didn't think they were totally fair, however I can see how they'd appear when you only obviously get a snapshot of what's going on, and my immediate feelings of feeling rejected and crap.

I don't feel like that any more. I feel like I've learned and progressed and maybe moved into a less 'people pleasing' place. Uncomfortable at first but now I'm getting more used to it it's quite cushy.

But, what can I say? I love our little crackpot team and a bit of healthy debate can make you stop and think. It's definitely happened with me and as such I'm hopeful 🤞

Here endeth the letter from Deffy to the fellow OLDs - May all our dreams come true 🙏

Oh Deffy…so happy for you. I went into LOTS AND LOTS of dates in my stint at online dating. I didn’t think you were judged at all. But I think there was more concern on the effect they were having on you. You had self esteem issues when going from one to the other and I think that was the concern.
I dated a lot more than you I think 😂😂😂 but I was just unhappy about the whole OLD thing ( and in love with someone else) …not that bothered about rejecting or being rejecting…more about dating fatigue.
Just enjoy everything and we are here for you 🥰🥰🥰

@PinkIdentity I know. I was very battered and bruised. Tbh I still don't understand what happened in the majority of them but I'm resigned to leaving them behind me.

In fact, I've kept a list on my phone and I couldn't remember the names of some do that's got to be good.

😂

This one came from nowhere and has surprised me a lot.

Every day one day at a time. And if it doesn't have legs then I know it isn't my fault.

In fact I firmly believe that about my dating story so far. I made mistakes, allowed myself to be treated badly but no more of that shite. Im actually beginning to believe my own hype 😂

Also deleted my OLD profile for now too. Either it works with this one or I'm not playing for a while. Either way I'm at peace although obviously I'd rather it did work.