No LTB please

[namechange4life]

Hi.

I can't believe I'm writing this but here goes. Please, if anyone has LTB to say, just move on.

I just found out my husband has had sex with prostitutes 3 times over 5 years whilst working away on Bangkok.

We have 1 child. We currently live abroad for his work.

I do not want to LTB right now because i can't accept my child will live a divorced parent life across two countries which is what I lived though. Did I mention I just had failed ivf for no2?

I honestly believe he has some sort of compulsive sex addiction type problem. What he did DISGUSTS and REVOLTS me. Equally, I am concerned for his safety he is so fearful of losing us I'm worried what he will do to himself.

Is there ever any moving on from this?

I am in a state of shock, unable to process all this as having to hold it together for DC. For now I have said I'll give myself a month to digest what the actual fuck just happened before I make any decisions.

Sorry to hear that OP but I don't see what other option you have apart from the one you don't want to face up to. I realise he has broken your dreams, but I think it's a blessing IVF didn't happen at this time for you. Please think hard on the consequences of bringing your DC up in a toxic relationship.

Ok SWTB and have a shit life. It’s up to you.

He wasn't concerned for your safety, OP. Actually, he also isn't afraid to lose you because he knows if he plays his cards right, you'll stay and accept whatever he decides falls under 'sex addiction'.

Be sure to get frequently tested and put money aside in the budget for his addiction. Then maybe use the month to think about whether your kid will thank you for staying with their lying twat of a 'father'.

Plus you're putting your family at risk getting involved with criminals. A bit of 'pillow talk' about what he thinks is harmless chatter about when you're all going on holiday or how he has a 2 year old could lead to your house getting robbed or your child kidnapped. These women have nefarious bosses, you don't know what else they might be involved in. It's not only your health ge risks by associating with them, it's potentially you and your childs safety.

I honestly believe he has some sort of compulsive sex addiction type problem.
I don't.
I believe he is a sleaze who paid (possibly coerced) women for sex, thinking there'd be no repercussions for himself.

What he did DISGUSTS and REVOLTS me. Equally, I am concerned for his safety he is so fearful of losing us I'm worried what he will do to himself.
How concerned was he for your safety, in terms of your sexual health, & your mental wellbeing should you find out?
He was happy to risk his marriage. He wasn't fearful when he was shagging prostitutes. This is pure manipulation from him.
All your concern needs saving for you, & your DC.
Stop worrying about him.

Also - the implication from him that he might 'hurt himself' is just cowardly blackmail in the face of being caught. It's cruel and selfish - he can't even own it and give you permission to make your own mind up. Instead he has planted a fear inside of you that will skew your decision making. What. A. Cunt.

This.

I’m not ignorant, nor idiotic, but you are rude, intolerant of anyone who doesn’t agree with your point of view and dismissive of those who have been through the very real, life changing experience of being raped - in my own experience of a very close relative, it was at knifepoint. Don’t give a shit what you think personally, but don’t you dare call me ignorant unless and until you have been at the shitty end and have seen the devastating consequences of it. OF COURSE what happens in these countries is wrong, but labelling blokes who think with their dicks and don’t think about the consequences of their actions as rapists isn’t going to help is it ? Education is the key - that and going after the pond life who make a living off the backs of any kind of sex worker, as well as making sure that the alternative to sex work isn’t starvation.

I just found out my husband has had sex with prostitutes 3 times over 5 years whilst working away on Bangkok

That you know of. STDs can cause infertility/fertility issues in men and women.

We have 1 child. We currently live abroad for his work

Are you not working? That makes things easier. Move back home near your family for support.

I do not want to LTB right now because i can't accept my child will live a divorced parent life

If you stay then you’re teaching your child that it’s okay to treat your partner like this i.e. cheat on them, risk their fertility with STDs, emotionally manipulate them, physically distance them from their family. If you leave then you’re showing your child that you are a strong woman.

I am concerned for his safety he is so fearful of losing us I'm worried what he will do to himself

Don’t let him emotionally manipulate you. ‘Don’t leave me or else I will kill myself.’ That’s an abuse tactic to keep you. Tell his parents and/or friends what has happened so they can keep tabs on him. Not your problem.

Is there ever any moving on from this?
No.

OF COURSE what happens in these countries is wrong, but labelling blokes who think with their dicks and don’t think about the consequences of their actions as rapists isn’t going to help is it ?

You're beyond help and reason.

How did you find out and why do you think it's 3 prostitutes?

Please get your ducks in a row for whatever the future may hold.

This gets worse and worse. The man is not far off Gary Glitter.

risk their fertility with STDs

With an apparent over 20% of female sex workers in Bangkok hiv positive, it's more than her fertility he's risking.

How come YOU know this & your friend doesn't?

You punish her for her husband's wrongdoing by cutting her off & leaving her in ignorance, & unwittingly exposed to STI's?

Some friend you are.

So now you’re quoting selective bits of my posts so they appear out of context, to press home your point. What I actually said was OF COURSE what happens in these countries is wrong, but labelling blokes who think with their dicks and don’t think about the consequences of their actions as rapists isn’t going to help is it ? Education is the key - that and going after the pond life who make a living off the backs of any kind of sex worker, as well as making sure that the alternative to sex work isn’t starvation.

If you’re going to quote me, at least do it fairly.

3 times that you found out/he told you about maybe
child living a divorced parent life is just a poor excuse

You do at least have the benefit of your negative experiences. If this does end in divorce you will presumably be a very motivated advocate for your DC. History does not have to repeat

‘Addiction’ = bullshit.
Only 3? = bullshit.

I’m sorry you don’t want to LT filthy, disgusting B, but that’s the only advice I would have.

That, and get an STD check, pronto.

If you don't want people to tell you to leave him; then what do you want people to tell you to do? You are ridiculous I'm afraid

You haven't got a fucking clue & your ignorance is shameful.

In Amsterdam - shining beacon of progressive, legalised prostitution - right? 70% of sex workers are coerced.

That's in right-on Europe.
How much worse do you imagine it is in Thailand?

Educate yourself FFS - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Slave-Girl-Sarah-Forsyth/dp/1844546853

Equally, I am concerned for his safety he is so fearful of losing us I'm worried what he will do to himself.

If he is so fearful of losing you, does he acknowledge that it is his actions that have caused this, and that he is entirely responsible? It must have crossed his mind that you could find out what he'd been up to, and yet he still did it anyway. More than once.

And your last comment is rude as well as offensive, as it’s directed at someone posting in support of a rape victim.

@Rosscameasdoody you don't get to claim moral superiority just because you know a rape victim. Especially when you are so ignorant that you think sex workers are happily, independently, "choosing to advertise themselves for sale" or however you phrased it.

btw - ALL women know a rape victim.
You are nothing special, & your dismissal of the plight of coerced sex workers shows how very little you know about rape.

Don’t suppose you bothered to read the clarification of this post before you went on personal attack did you ?

The rest of your post didn't change anything about it.

That's why I didn't include it

You insist in believing and arguing that impoverished, trafficked, coerced, gang run young women (if they're even women yet) who are prostituted in Bangkok are not rape victims and that their users are not rapists .... Because your relative/friend was really raped; and the above scenario is not rape.

There is no one scenario for rape nor a clear set of rules which which type of rape is worst.

You are therefore, worryingly, disturbingly ignorant and deluded.

I am not responding to any more of your disgraceful posts.

I'm so sorry OP but do you expect people to say "oh stay with him? It's a mistake, he's got an addiction!" because I can guarantee that none of us will.

Like others have said, go and get a full sexual health screen, regularly. He knows he can do what he wants because you'll stay so he will continue to do so.

Don't bring another child into this mess.

The not wanting to bring your child up in a split home is alien to me, my parents split and I was so thankful I didn't have to be in the middle of the arguments, passive aggressiveness and general lack of love between them. I have more respect for my parent who broke the cycle and left.

3 times in 5 years is bullshit, I'd bet my life on it.

The addiction and mental health excuses are disgusting. He knows he has you over a barrel with these excuses so will continue to use them.

I have severe depression and anxiety and even spent 3 months in a psychiatric hospital last year and I've never cheated on my DH and I would fully expect him to leave if I had.

Sorry you're going through this.
Definitely STI screening and I wouldn't have unprotected sex with him.
HIV rates are high when it comes to sex workers in Thailand and the strains native to Thailand are particularly virulent.