No LTB please

[namechange4life]

Hi.

I can't believe I'm writing this but here goes. Please, if anyone has LTB to say, just move on.

I just found out my husband has had sex with prostitutes 3 times over 5 years whilst working away on Bangkok.

We have 1 child. We currently live abroad for his work.

I do not want to LTB right now because i can't accept my child will live a divorced parent life across two countries which is what I lived though. Did I mention I just had failed ivf for no2?

I honestly believe he has some sort of compulsive sex addiction type problem. What he did DISGUSTS and REVOLTS me. Equally, I am concerned for his safety he is so fearful of losing us I'm worried what he will do to himself.

Is there ever any moving on from this?

I am in a state of shock, unable to process all this as having to hold it together for DC. For now I have said I'll give myself a month to digest what the actual fuck just happened before I make any decisions.

I'm so sorry. Marriages can go through terrible times and still work out. But it could take years and years from your life. Take good care of yourself.

If IVF had worked (and I am sorry for your pain associated with it not working) you could have birthed a child whilst unknowingly carrying an STI or blood borne virus and passed it on to your baby. That is how much your husband values you and your children. You must know you are worth more, surely? You really really are. Your child certainly is. You know STIs can be present in the throat and BBVs can pass through blood-flecked saliva? I would clean all eating and drinking utensils thoroughly between my husband and child using them. No sharing of snacks or bottles.

Also, poverty is high in Thailand so women are not happily and willingly working as escorts. It is starve or have sex. When you've no real or free choice to have sex than that is not consent. Your husband rapes women. That must be a horrible realisation and, again, I'm sorry for your associated pain.

What a waste of IVF money, presuming they had to pay, when he could have infected op with fuck knows what.

Have you had any std checks as part of your fertility appointments op? Has he done it since them?

He's probably lying about the no of times and when though.

Sorry you're going through this. Truly.

I know fuck all about sex worker from Bangkok but I'd be personally worried about the ages of the sex workers he's used.

I'd live now only as Co parents until you're ready to decide how to proceed going forward, then make a choice.

Sorry again x

Yes two posts before… as you might have noticed, I started with that…

Also, poverty is high in Thailand so women are not happily and willingly working as escorts. It is starve or have sex. When you've no real or free choice to have sex than that is not consent. Your husband rapes women.

This, I can think of few places worse for exploitation.

That's one of the reasons they sell their kids to paedophiles too.

I was there years ago, Bang Kok and some islands off the South East coast; open sewer smells, rats, skeletal dogs, kids street begging, prostitution, water borne diseases, no free press, no real democracy, loaded guns lying around etc. etc.
There is no "free will" prostitution there (misnomer anyway).

What would you tell your daughter if she was you?

Would you say 'just deal with it, the poor man has MH issues, or a sex addiction, he couldn't help but have sex repeatedly with other women. You should stick with your marriage'

Or would you say 'get out, he doesn't value you (or women in general). He's put YOUR MH at risk. He's put YOUR physical health at risk. You owe him zilch. Your children deserve better'.

No...there is no way of moving on from this IMO.
HIV, and STI check asap. If this is how you want to live your life, well go ahead, but you've only one life to live and why you'd choose to stay in this situation is beyond me.

No LTB?

Do you think that the ages of these 'women' are checked and independently verified before entering into purely consensual and not in the slightest way trafficked or coerced females? Or is it more likely that he's been taking part in the abuse of teenaged girls?

Are you sure that being the child of divorced parents is worse than being in a family where the father rapes desperately poor children and tiny, vulnerable women and the mother focuses on her issues from childhood, rather than keeping the child rapist father away from them?

There's nothing to say then is there, sadly?

Other than take every step to protect your interests in future.

He has crossed a boundary that there is no coming back from. You will carry the scars all your life, unless you can finally move on at some point.

Go through terrible times lol.

You should be a spin doctor for a political organization.

This is not a "marriage going through a terrible time".

Your views and "advice" are actually disturbing.

Is your DC a DS? Because then he is going to grow up influenced by his father's actions towards women. (Actions speak louder than words after all)

It is starve or have sex

They're also run by gangs.... Anything that makes money is.

So it's have sex or be on the wrong end of a gang member's fists/boots too.

I understand that it will be stressful for u to leave him but ask yourself this question do u want to be with someone who cheated on you? If that answer is yes then i have no further advise than to sate, please make sure u get an sti check.

Thai ppl are also expected to provide for their aging parents and younger siblings.

Not "it would be nice if you provided" .... But "it's your duty to provide". They have tremendous pressure to bring in money by whatever means they can.

So you want to support a man who has admitted to abusing 3 women? You’re excusing his behaviour as sex addiction. What’s your excuse?

That's a very good way of looking at things

I meant *state

There are plenty of women married to men who sleep with prostitutes. Some know, some don't.

How did you find out? Have you told anyone? Do you want to talk about it here, or maybe on a new thread?

It's completely normal to need time to process this shock and not know what you want or how to react. Take your time and take care of yourself. Put you first. If you decide to stick it out for a while, if that's best for you, then do that.

I would, though, advise you not to think of it as an addiction. That's avoiding the more hurtful truth.

Ah, right, controlled by gangs. This makes it highly likely these poor women and girls will have to offer things like anal sex and no condoms.

"He's fearful of losing us" is a control tactic. Like how he controls victims of prostitution.

He is fearful of losing face, of losing money and of losing his easy home (I am betting made by you, can't imagine he does much emotional or manual labour in the "family").

Thing is though @Allicando he didn’t shag his secretary he used vulnerable prostitutes. But interesting that OP liked your answer 🤔

I'd be personally worried about the ages of the sex workers he's used.

This too.

Third world countries often don't have accurate birth records, especially if the person is from the countryside..... It's often v hard to establish age.

The pimps and gangs and bar owners don't care.

There are plenty of women married to men who sleep with prostitutes. Some know, some don't.

Irrelevant re the ones who don't know ... Because you don't know what they'd do if they knew.

If you implying that some know and accept it, I'd imagine they're a tiny minority and I'd have to class them as either door mats beyond door mats, or morally corrupt.

Besides the "lots of people do it" claim/argument doesn't hold water.

Lots of people do lots of things that are normally repugnant. Doesn't make it right or ok. This is one of the few things they can do that also risks their partners health and unborn children's health.