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Original poster

First date cf ?

219 replies

AnyaMarx · 25/03/2023 10:48

Was meant to have a first date today with a guy -been texting back and forth and seemed nice but haven't t spoken

Woke up to a text this morning after id suggested a late lunch

He said hopes he isn't pushing his luck but if we hit it off he was thinking he would stay over , turn it into supper and have a few drinks then stay over

He's expecting sex on date 1 isn't he ?

I dont want to take a stranger to my house .

I've made an excuse and turned my phone on silent

I've got the ick .

OP posts:
LooseGoose22 · 26/03/2023 10:34

He'd suggested we live like it's out last night due to this asteroid.....

Ah the "last chance/exceptional circumstances" sales technique.

dooneyousmugelf · 26/03/2023 10:34

Herbiebanannas · 26/03/2023 06:28

Firstly, I am absolutely not the bloke who OP was due to meet. I am happily married to my awesome wife.

An awesome wife who I met having never spoken for a lunch date that turned into an afternoon in the pub which then turned into a dinner date ( well, pizza on a bench) which then turned into me going back to hers and leaving 32 hours after we met.

Was she ever at risk? Nope

Was I the pushy man? Nope

Did she completely control the pace of everything? Yes

Was she the one who took the pre date messages in the direction of see chat? Yes

Is she asleep next to me in our house some five years later after another amazing and fun filled day and evening yesterday? Yes

His message was a bit OTT but pretty tame compared to what she sent me before we met. I think we would both agree that meeting on that date was the best thing either of us ever did.

Irrelevant.

purpledalmation · 26/03/2023 10:35

block

LooseGoose22 · 26/03/2023 10:37

LuluLehman · 26/03/2023 09:57

Trust me: it's not you. It's them.

Show quote history

This.

Old is chock full of them.

They think women on old are looking for hook ups even when they state they aren't.

Strawberrydelight78 · 26/03/2023 10:38

Get yourself a good vibrator.😉

WilsonMilson · 26/03/2023 10:39

Wow, what a presumptuous dick. As if you’d pre decide to allow some random you’ve only just met to stay at your place. Tell him to gtf!

Highdaysandholidays1 · 26/03/2023 10:43

Oh I've met these men in online dating. They are already planning how to get in your pants without even meeting you or checking there's any chemistry. I've had the 'I'll get a hotel (which is fine)...perhaps you could stay over' to a second date in his home 'to view his extensive art collection' (hmmm). Just low/no effort sex for the sake of it with little interest in me as a person/building any type of rapport.

I'm not against sex on a first date, if you meet someone, like them, decide it's right and go for it yourself, but that's not what's happening here.

xPaz · 26/03/2023 10:45

yupp, you're a ''prude'' if you won't sleep with them but if you've had a few boyfriends that you chose to sleep with, you've got a body count. Eugh. Men.
Give me strength.

ReneBumsWombats · 26/03/2023 10:49

Herbiebanannas · 26/03/2023 06:28

Firstly, I am absolutely not the bloke who OP was due to meet. I am happily married to my awesome wife.

An awesome wife who I met having never spoken for a lunch date that turned into an afternoon in the pub which then turned into a dinner date ( well, pizza on a bench) which then turned into me going back to hers and leaving 32 hours after we met.

Was she ever at risk? Nope

Was I the pushy man? Nope

Did she completely control the pace of everything? Yes

Was she the one who took the pre date messages in the direction of see chat? Yes

Is she asleep next to me in our house some five years later after another amazing and fun filled day and evening yesterday? Yes

His message was a bit OTT but pretty tame compared to what she sent me before we met. I think we would both agree that meeting on that date was the best thing either of us ever did.

Congratulations on missing the point!

Paq · 26/03/2023 10:49

Tbh I think anyone initiating sex before even meeting IRL is suspect, male or female. Of course there are lots of "our first date lasted 32 hours and now we've been married 56 years" stories but it feels pretty rude to assume someone you have never met would be up for it with you!

tothelefttotheleft · 26/03/2023 10:55

WhoStoleMyTiddyOggy · 26/03/2023 08:18

I wrote the book on !st date cf's, it was a steep learning curve!

Man 1, frog-marched me to Jo Malone and expected me to buy him a candle (for a date he had with someone else the following night) -said he'd pay me back in the future!

Man 2, expected sex a couple of hours after meeting!

Man 3, tried to coerce me to 'lending' him some cash. He actually walked me to a cash point!

I'd really like to know what you did each time ?

WeAreTheHeroes · 26/03/2023 10:59

OLD sounds way worse than it was years ago when I tried it and decided it was a waste of time, after several dates.

Better to use your time doing things you enjoy doing. After binning off OLD I met one boyfriend at a gig when we got chatting afterwards. I met DP via mutual friends.

People present a version of themselves online. It's much easier to judge character, etc in person.

2bazookas · 26/03/2023 11:02

he didn't want to wait (for date) and he would visit me

what a red flag that was. Minimise financial or social investment and go straight for a daytime fuck.

Wouldn't you think that by now, men on OLD would have refined their tactics just a bit?

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 26/03/2023 11:04

I’m dating now, if any man suggested that to me it’d be a no answer block and delete.

I’m chatting to someone now and he innocently asked how long it took to get to my house by train (we live on same but opposite ends of London).

Crazykatie · 26/03/2023 11:06

You need to distinguish looking for casual sex from looking for a partner, if you are looking for someone to live with it’s going to take 2 or 3 weeks to find out if he is honest and genuine and not just a chancer who wants a quick shag.

I like to be in control, when I started with my partner the 4th date I invited him home for supper, afterwards we cuddled up on the sofa - he stayed for breakfast. Good men are hard to find when you think you have found one you need to show him how special you are.

Agiftandacurse · 26/03/2023 11:11

He obviously uses the line a lot and has honed it due to its repeated failure (I assume)!

He must be married or he’d stop using the line. He probably needs to get his excuses in before he leaves home. Also may be why he decided against the first date in his town

Rosscameasdoody · 26/03/2023 11:15

AnyaMarx · 25/03/2023 11:32

Done .

Unmatched, blocked.

I did just say
sorry but that was really pushy , I'd be stupid to take a stranger home , Ive changed my mind , good luck

Well bang goes my lunch !

I think that’s very sensible, and I definitely think you’re right - he was clearly expecting sex on the first date. Surely any man would realise these days that even suggesting being alone with someone on the first, or even the first few dates, is a no no, and he sounds as though he had it all worked out to his advantage - I’d have suggested to him that he’d be better off on Tinder if that’s what he wanted !!

Dating sites can be a good way to go, but you need to be so careful, because like anything else, there are a good many dirtbags out there waiting to pounce. A good friend of mine was very nearly taken in by a scammer last year - said he was on a building contract in Saudi and earning ££££££. Enticed her off the site and onto WhatsApp, saying they could have a ‘proper’ conversation without the dating site moderators. They were texting for ages and then he told her his contract was ending, he wouldn’t be paid for x amount of time and he didn’t have enough money to get home - could she send him £2000 for his fare and he’d pay it back when they got together. She was actually going to do it until she mentioned it to me and luckily I’d just seen the BBC programme on the dating scam call centres in Asia. She reported it to the police, blocked him and deleted WhatsApp.

If you’re going on a dating site, keep the conversations on the site - anyone who suggests WhatsApp is up to no good. If you’re going to meet up, make sure the first few times are during daylight hours and somewhere VERY public. Let friends or family know where you’re going and an approximate time you expect to be back. Keep your phone on you, and I know it sounds cheesy, but get someone to call you during the first date to make sure all is OK - pre arrange your responses. Good luck, hope you have a much better experience next time.

viques · 26/03/2023 11:16

gazpachosoupday · 25/03/2023 12:33

Was he coming from a far distance?

And that is me being pretty generous.

I wonder if that has ever worked for him before

I think he was planning on ‘coming’ from touching distance.😁

Do these men not realise that women have better things to do than changing bed linen?

Rosscameasdoody · 26/03/2023 11:27

Highdaysandholidays1 · 26/03/2023 10:43

Oh I've met these men in online dating. They are already planning how to get in your pants without even meeting you or checking there's any chemistry. I've had the 'I'll get a hotel (which is fine)...perhaps you could stay over' to a second date in his home 'to view his extensive art collection' (hmmm). Just low/no effort sex for the sake of it with little interest in me as a person/building any type of rapport.

I'm not against sex on a first date, if you meet someone, like them, decide it's right and go for it yourself, but that's not what's happening here.

A couple of my DH’s friends are on OLD and judging by some of the shitty comments I’ve heard about how disappointing some of the women are when they meet in person, it seems they’re planning how to get in your pants from the second they see your photo !!

pollykitty · 26/03/2023 11:30

Gross Crass and more words like that. I would drop him without a second thought

JoanThursday1972 · 26/03/2023 11:30

I had a date with a teacher, it was the second date. He picked me up and asked me if on the way we could call and meet his parents who he lived with after splitting up with the previous girlfriend. A bit quick but I thought ok. It turned out his parents were away and he was expecting some action. It also turned out the previous girlfriend had thrown him out only a week prior.

pinkyredrose · 26/03/2023 11:38

Herbiebanannas · 26/03/2023 06:28

Firstly, I am absolutely not the bloke who OP was due to meet. I am happily married to my awesome wife.

An awesome wife who I met having never spoken for a lunch date that turned into an afternoon in the pub which then turned into a dinner date ( well, pizza on a bench) which then turned into me going back to hers and leaving 32 hours after we met.

Was she ever at risk? Nope

Was I the pushy man? Nope

Did she completely control the pace of everything? Yes

Was she the one who took the pre date messages in the direction of see chat? Yes

Is she asleep next to me in our house some five years later after another amazing and fun filled day and evening yesterday? Yes

His message was a bit OTT but pretty tame compared to what she sent me before we met. I think we would both agree that meeting on that date was the best thing either of us ever did.

Presumably your messages were becoming increasingly suggestive in nature between the two of you? That's the difference.

GreyCarpet · 26/03/2023 11:38

Rosscameasdoody · 26/03/2023 11:27

A couple of my DH’s friends are on OLD and judging by some of the shitty comments I’ve heard about how disappointing some of the women are when they meet in person, it seems they’re planning how to get in your pants from the second they see your photo !!

Show quote history

Of course they are. Did you think otherwise.

They literally look at the photo and think "would (shag)" / "Wouldn't (shag)".

Even when men are looking for a relationship, that's still their starting point.

StarlightLady · 26/03/2023 11:50

If the chemistry is right, I'm not adverse to sex on the first date, but please don't bring on the name calling. My sister has been married for years to someone she had sex with a few hours after meeting; it can be right.

But, I'm very adverse to anyone making an assumption of sex. For me this has crossed a line in the sand and I would not meet up.

Latenightreader · 26/03/2023 11:57

ScottBakula · 26/03/2023 08:51

Wait . . .back up a bit . . . . You did not mention your eye colour ! Why ?

Oh I know its because men never seem to notice it either so what's the point .

I have had this a few times , gone out with a guy , often several dates and they cant tell me what colour my eyes are 👀

Show quote history

I had a (mostly) lovely boyfriend in my early 20s. We had been together about ten months (and known each other for more than four years) when he sang Brown Eyed Girl to me. My eyes are grey.