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Original poster

First date cf ?

219 replies

AnyaMarx · 25/03/2023 10:48

Was meant to have a first date today with a guy -been texting back and forth and seemed nice but haven't t spoken

Woke up to a text this morning after id suggested a late lunch

He said hopes he isn't pushing his luck but if we hit it off he was thinking he would stay over , turn it into supper and have a few drinks then stay over

He's expecting sex on date 1 isn't he ?

I dont want to take a stranger to my house .

I've made an excuse and turned my phone on silent

I've got the ick .

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 26/03/2023 03:50

Tbf I'm not so put off by someone being a bit forward, what I am put off by is him asking before hand. I know some will disagree but if we'd had our date and there was a bit of flirting and some chemistry I wouldn't hold it against it against him if he 'tried it on" but it seems so odd to pre-empt it. I wouldn't like someone to say 'May I kiss you' either. It would just ruin the moment. If he was joking (he actually could have been) it would still put me off because...well its not vaugley funny, bit like a whoopee cushion.
Bet he's kicking himself now (and putting his toothbrush back in the bathroom).😁

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 26/03/2023 03:56

I'm not averse to a bit of flirting if it's goi g in that direction but he certainly wasn't joking.

The message he sent was very clear . I hope I'm not pushing my luck but I was thinking if we hit it off we can make that late lunch an early supper (wink emoji) and I could stay over if your dogs wouldn't eat me for breakfast (lol) we should live likes it's our last day there's an asteroid passing between earth and the moon (do t worry the experts say it's not gonna hit us " blah blah blah .

We hadn't even talked on the phone ffs !

OP posts:
LemonTreeSkies · 26/03/2023 04:53

Well I think you’re awesome OP. 😊

Ktime · 26/03/2023 05:21

He'd suggested we live like it's out last night due to this asteroid.....

I thought that line went out in the 1960s!

Antiquiteas · 26/03/2023 05:59

Jesus, his text is just horrendous. 😆 sort of makes me want to cringe all the way to inside out

Herbiebanannas · 26/03/2023 06:28

Firstly, I am absolutely not the bloke who OP was due to meet. I am happily married to my awesome wife.

An awesome wife who I met having never spoken for a lunch date that turned into an afternoon in the pub which then turned into a dinner date ( well, pizza on a bench) which then turned into me going back to hers and leaving 32 hours after we met.

Was she ever at risk? Nope

Was I the pushy man? Nope

Did she completely control the pace of everything? Yes

Was she the one who took the pre date messages in the direction of see chat? Yes

Is she asleep next to me in our house some five years later after another amazing and fun filled day and evening yesterday? Yes

His message was a bit OTT but pretty tame compared to what she sent me before we met. I think we would both agree that meeting on that date was the best thing either of us ever did.

NewContender · 26/03/2023 06:37

Blergh to all of it but especially the asteroid bit! Next thing he’s going to tell you he’s a spy and going undercover tomorrow so this is your last chance before his expected death.

I’d have been tempted to tell him I already had a date for the evening though 😆

Forfrigz · 26/03/2023 06:52

Herbiebanannas · 26/03/2023 06:28

Firstly, I am absolutely not the bloke who OP was due to meet. I am happily married to my awesome wife.

An awesome wife who I met having never spoken for a lunch date that turned into an afternoon in the pub which then turned into a dinner date ( well, pizza on a bench) which then turned into me going back to hers and leaving 32 hours after we met.

Was she ever at risk? Nope

Was I the pushy man? Nope

Did she completely control the pace of everything? Yes

Was she the one who took the pre date messages in the direction of see chat? Yes

Is she asleep next to me in our house some five years later after another amazing and fun filled day and evening yesterday? Yes

His message was a bit OTT but pretty tame compared to what she sent me before we met. I think we would both agree that meeting on that date was the best thing either of us ever did.

While it's lovely you've both found each other I think it needs to be said that there is a difference between the premature forwardness coming from the man rather than the woman. Personally I think it's off-putting either way before someone has met (just because its impossible to be sure what you think of someone before you actually meet) but women have to think much more about their safety so any man trying his luck before even meeting is not only (to most women) very arrogant, but actually turns her present risk-gauge from mild to high.

It's hard to imagine without being female, but to put it in a way that might vaguely compare (not the best analogy but bear with me) it's like agreeing to sell someone something small and being nice enough to drop it off on your way into town. Before doing so, the buyer messages saying 'thanks again for this. Hey, if I really like the item , it'd be great to see what other stuff you've got as I'm always looking for these, since you're driving over why don't I hop in with you anyway? I hope there isnt much security at you house hahahaha only joking did you hear about the asteroid.'

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 26/03/2023 06:55

Justleaveitblankthen · 25/03/2023 22:57

Supper where I come from is toast, Crumpets or tea and biccies sat on the couch in your 'jamas 😁

Show quote history

Me too!

but for my luvvy darling DB who now lives in Surrey it’s his dinner. Well his tea in the world he grew up in.

Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 07:07

At least he was honest from the get go I guess..

ShandaLear · 26/03/2023 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Agree. I think it’s a numbers game to men like that. If they ask enough women, one of them will eventually say yes.

KTSl1964 · 26/03/2023 07:37

He just wanted to know if you were up for a shag!!! Why would he waste his time otherwise. 😇you dodged a bullet. It’s a bit depressing really. It appears sex is their own focus - they could go to a hook up site. Well done re boundaries. I know your not asking for advice - you seem to have a good life - is it worth you doing something different- change things up a bit.

xPaz · 26/03/2023 07:53

I've been through OLD hell in my forties (for context) and the bit about the 'let's live like it's our last day on earth because of the asteroid'' bit is hilarious. (when you have distance you will laugh at that). It's like he's just said ''loooooooook, we've no future, all I want is sex, and I want it now, no patience'

At least you know.

BraveGoldie · 26/03/2023 08:15

"I once knew a good looking man in my youth who used to approach women in a club chat to them , make them laugh and then ask them if they fancied a fuck ! Some women slapped his face , some just laughed it off and some actually said yes ! He said it was surprising the amount that said yes ."

Actually, I've no problem with this - women like to fuck too - he's being honest, upfront, asking without pressure in a public place that is about adult connection, after establishing some kind of rapport..... no suggestion it's anything other than fucking.... he's basically cutting out all the bullshit!

WhoStoleMyTiddyOggy · 26/03/2023 08:18

I wrote the book on !st date cf's, it was a steep learning curve!

Man 1, frog-marched me to Jo Malone and expected me to buy him a candle (for a date he had with someone else the following night) -said he'd pay me back in the future!

Man 2, expected sex a couple of hours after meeting!

Man 3, tried to coerce me to 'lending' him some cash. He actually walked me to a cash point!

Emotionalsupportviper · 26/03/2023 08:19

PhotoTakenOnAToaster · 25/03/2023 10:51

I wonder if that approach has ever worked for him.
I wouldn’t make an excuse, I’d just say ‘let’s not bother meeting after all’ and block him.

This,

Who does he think he is?

EthicalNonMahogany · 26/03/2023 08:28

The creepy guy you had today is definitely one to throw back - good on you OP.

I was thinking something like this though as well -

People want to date romantically not make a friend and hope that later she might take a shine to them

I don't think it's inherently bad for a man to want to know if a woman is sexy and confident and up for it before investing lots of time in getting to know her. Obvs jumping straight to the "Let us shag now at your house!!!" is way too far, plus dim and disrespectful of the safety issues women face. But wanting to have a bit of text chat about sexual compatibility and flirting is also a way of building intimacy. I think it's misguided to rule out any sexual flirting on OLD - you can always gracefully say "Ha, we don't even know each other yet save that for a fourth date conversation, mister" . The best men will make you feel seen, but they might want you to see them too, and a sexual approach feels different for men - it can feel a bit affirming and help them open up.

All of this only applies to nice sorted men of course- not saying any wanker with a dick pic gets your attention.

swayingpalmtree · 26/03/2023 08:30

Herbiebanannas · 26/03/2023 06:28

Firstly, I am absolutely not the bloke who OP was due to meet. I am happily married to my awesome wife.

An awesome wife who I met having never spoken for a lunch date that turned into an afternoon in the pub which then turned into a dinner date ( well, pizza on a bench) which then turned into me going back to hers and leaving 32 hours after we met.

Was she ever at risk? Nope

Was I the pushy man? Nope

Did she completely control the pace of everything? Yes

Was she the one who took the pre date messages in the direction of see chat? Yes

Is she asleep next to me in our house some five years later after another amazing and fun filled day and evening yesterday? Yes

His message was a bit OTT but pretty tame compared to what she sent me before we met. I think we would both agree that meeting on that date was the best thing either of us ever did.

This is not comparable at all. An organic attraction where you both decide to take things further after hitting it off is not remotely comparable to a man expecting the OP to let him stay over at her house BEFORE theyve even met in person.

Would you advise one of your female relatives to agree to a man she met online staying over at her house that shes NEVER even met and has no idea what he's like in person?- thats incredibly risky behaviour

Daffodilsandbeer · 26/03/2023 08:34

Can’t believe what im reading. He may as well have just texted and said look im just here for a shag and im so desperate I’ll text a stranger and ask. What a fucking weirdo.

ReneBumsWombats · 26/03/2023 08:42

The Americans call it "game", and this idiot has none.

Sheesh, why do some of them think they can just bypass seduction itself? It's the best bit!

HealthyFats · 26/03/2023 08:43

He clearly just wanted a hook up. TBH, best that he made that clear so that you could say no (which you did) rather than wasting your time with a date.

ScottBakula · 26/03/2023 08:51

AnyaMarx · 26/03/2023 03:08

I'm 51 .

I look a lot younger . No wrinkles as yet and just had a blonde redo and a fringe which has knocked a few years off

I'm a size 12 -14

34 d

14 knickers

Great legs and fabulous tits . Tons of confidence. And self respect .

What else would you like to know ?

Wait . . .back up a bit . . . . You did not mention your eye colour ! Why ?

Oh I know its because men never seem to notice it either so what's the point .

I have had this a few times , gone out with a guy , often several dates and they cant tell me what colour my eyes are 👀

Antiquiteas · 26/03/2023 08:58

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 26/03/2023 06:55

Me too!

but for my luvvy darling DB who now lives in Surrey it’s his dinner. Well his tea in the world he grew up in.

Show quote history

Ha! Has he done a Donna Air and gone posh?

Flyinggeesei234 · 26/03/2023 09:06

onepringle · 25/03/2023 13:40

It's not fair that they have so much confidence, and we worry about every imperfection. I mean, male genitalia is pretty damn ugly. It's just dangly bits dangling around. If you look at it objectively in the cold light of day, it's not attractive.

When we feel an emotional connection, when we're turned on... then all of a sudden a naked man looks really good. But if a man bypasses that stage where he makes us feel special, where he makes us feel seen... then we don't feel like we want to jump him, we just feel the ick. Why is it so hard for them to understand that we want them to give the tiniest damn about who we are as humans as well as objections of attraction?

It's why dick pics generally don't work. They only look good to us when we're in the mood, so a man randomly sends them to us, chances are, he's not going to catch us at the right moment, and they're not going to make us desperately want him.

It doesn't even take much to build a connection. But they don't try. They just expect us to worship their penises.

Show quote history

@onepringle this is really well put! Agree.

Wellillsayitifnoonelsewill · 26/03/2023 09:14

category12 · 25/03/2023 12:37

Oops, that came out bigger than I expected.

Maybe the CF date wanted it to come out bigger than expected so he could impress her with his wizards wand 😁