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Original poster

First date cf ?

219 replies

AnyaMarx · 25/03/2023 10:48

Was meant to have a first date today with a guy -been texting back and forth and seemed nice but haven't t spoken

Woke up to a text this morning after id suggested a late lunch

He said hopes he isn't pushing his luck but if we hit it off he was thinking he would stay over , turn it into supper and have a few drinks then stay over

He's expecting sex on date 1 isn't he ?

I dont want to take a stranger to my house .

I've made an excuse and turned my phone on silent

I've got the ick .

OP posts:
MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 26/03/2023 09:15

BraveGoldie · 26/03/2023 08:15

"I once knew a good looking man in my youth who used to approach women in a club chat to them , make them laugh and then ask them if they fancied a fuck ! Some women slapped his face , some just laughed it off and some actually said yes ! He said it was surprising the amount that said yes ."

Actually, I've no problem with this - women like to fuck too - he's being honest, upfront, asking without pressure in a public place that is about adult connection, after establishing some kind of rapport..... no suggestion it's anything other than fucking.... he's basically cutting out all the bullshit!

I agree, and I'm relieved that some others on the thread also realise that there is nothing wrong with women just wanting sex either.

The problem with the man in OPs story is that he is deceitful, he starts by pretending he wants a date, the possibility of a relationship when all he wants is a shag. And worse he wants to come to yours, inviting yourself over for any reason is really bad.

Sparklfairy · 26/03/2023 09:17

AnyaMarx · 26/03/2023 03:56

I'm not averse to a bit of flirting if it's goi g in that direction but he certainly wasn't joking.

The message he sent was very clear . I hope I'm not pushing my luck but I was thinking if we hit it off we can make that late lunch an early supper (wink emoji) and I could stay over if your dogs wouldn't eat me for breakfast (lol) we should live likes it's our last day there's an asteroid passing between earth and the moon (do t worry the experts say it's not gonna hit us " blah blah blah .

We hadn't even talked on the phone ffs !

I went on a date years ago where the man was moaning the whole time that women often didn't look like their pictures. Then backtracked hugely and said, don't worry, you do... He then regaled me with a story about a woman he met that looked 'haggard' compared to her photos and she was overall a huge disappointment personality wise too.

"I still fucked her though" with a grin Hmm

It just completely grossed me out. It sums up how many guys on OLD think. They assume they'll get a shag even if you didn't click, didn't have chemistry, you're just a convenient hole to stick his dick in. And whether or not he gets laid, he just keeps swiping.

Really, really puts me off.

Wellillsayitifnoonelsewill · 26/03/2023 09:17

Forfrigz · 25/03/2023 20:15

Not very hard to see why he's single is it 😂 I'd just stop replying and look elsewhere, forget him

he’s probably not! He’d probably already wheeled out “might stay over at “mates” house if it gets a bit lairy” to his oh

Rosula · 26/03/2023 09:18

AnyaMarx · 25/03/2023 11:18

What do I say to him ?

Why not be 100% honest? "You clearly expect sex on our first date which has put me right off you".

90yomakeuproom · 26/03/2023 09:27

When I was at uni I asked someone to join my friends in my flat for pre drinks before going out. When he arrived, he had a bag and when I asked what it was, he said it was his overnight bag. I absolutely cringed and made an excuse for him to leave straight away. Really creeper me out.

Forfrigz · 26/03/2023 09:27

I think the worst thing is not the expectation of sex but as others have said the attempt to bypass the natural course towards it by effe timely trying to get someone to consent to sex before even meeting them. It's just weird, it takes the fun our of things. I think it's very reflective of the modern world where we co some so much mi dlessly and expect them instantly. People are forgetting the pleasure that comes with putting effort into something. Even casual flings are better with a bit of effort.

xPaz · 26/03/2023 09:39

Yes, it's just looking for a FREE prostitute.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 26/03/2023 09:40

Herbiebanannas · 26/03/2023 06:28

Firstly, I am absolutely not the bloke who OP was due to meet. I am happily married to my awesome wife.

An awesome wife who I met having never spoken for a lunch date that turned into an afternoon in the pub which then turned into a dinner date ( well, pizza on a bench) which then turned into me going back to hers and leaving 32 hours after we met.

Was she ever at risk? Nope

Was I the pushy man? Nope

Did she completely control the pace of everything? Yes

Was she the one who took the pre date messages in the direction of see chat? Yes

Is she asleep next to me in our house some five years later after another amazing and fun filled day and evening yesterday? Yes

His message was a bit OTT but pretty tame compared to what she sent me before we met. I think we would both agree that meeting on that date was the best thing either of us ever did.

FFS. What do you want - a medal for not being a rapist?
How does you not being "a pushy man" make OP's shituation with this guy ok?

Yet another man who doesn't have a fucking clue about women's lives & the kinds of creeps, sleazes & weirdos we navigate on a constant basis.

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/schrodingers-rapist-and-the-threat-of-violence-against-women

Schrödinger's Rapist And The Threat Of Violence Against Women

If you want to know why the women at the bus stop aren't talking to you, she might be threatened. It's not personal, it's what we're trained to think.

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/schrodingers-rapist-and-the-threat-of-violence-against-women

boozybirds · 26/03/2023 09:43

I know of someone who did that. And he was a friend of a friend, so not a complete stranger. He killed her. It's just not worth the risk. Surely men must appreciate this?!

Monster80 · 26/03/2023 09:43

Think this is a moment to firm up your boundaries, ‘no thanks - I don’t do first dates at my or anyone else’s house’. I’d leave that conversation parked and find someone else to date. If he persists and you fancy giving him another chance, suggest a coffee or walk in the park date. If those go well you could decide to follow up with external lunch/ dinner date…

xPaz · 26/03/2023 09:44

@TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu EXACTLY @Herbiebanannas post was bizarre, is he defending the bloke that @AnyaMarx had to deal with. What is his point? that she go ahead and meet somebody who has made it clear he's hoping for sex before he's MET her?? Why should she???

So he and his wife had sex immediately, so what, how is that relevant to the CF message the OP got. Men are far too entitled with regard to sex. They want random women to sleep with them but judge women for their ''body count''. Eugh. I am the same age as the OP and have decided not to try to meet somebody, it'd be like finding a needle in a haystack, not putting myself through it.

ScottBakula · 26/03/2023 09:45

Herbiebanannas · 26/03/2023 06:28

Firstly, I am absolutely not the bloke who OP was due to meet. I am happily married to my awesome wife.

An awesome wife who I met having never spoken for a lunch date that turned into an afternoon in the pub which then turned into a dinner date ( well, pizza on a bench) which then turned into me going back to hers and leaving 32 hours after we met.

Was she ever at risk? Nope

Was I the pushy man? Nope

Did she completely control the pace of everything? Yes

Was she the one who took the pre date messages in the direction of see chat? Yes

Is she asleep next to me in our house some five years later after another amazing and fun filled day and evening yesterday? Yes

His message was a bit OTT but pretty tame compared to what she sent me before we met. I think we would both agree that meeting on that date was the best thing either of us ever did.

I have been in a similar situation,

Meet a guy for early lunch in weatherspoons ( classy huh, but safe space to meet ) both drinking coffee/ soft drinks

Talked for about 2 hrs , pub was getting busy and noisy so decided to have a wander to the local town square , nosed in shop windows on the way .

Sat by the fountain shared a bag of pick and mix we had bought 'fighting ' over our favourites

Went for a pizza and had a couple of drinks

Then at my suggestion back to my place for more food and drinks at about 8pm .
We had great sex that night .

Two days later he sent a parcel from a old fashion sweet shop called " a quarter of " that contained all the sweets we had spoke about by the fountain .

We stayed together , ( though did not live together) for 8 months staying over at each others house a couple of times a month .
We had to end the relationship when he moved for work , something he had been looking to do for quite a while.

While our initial meeting to jumping on each others bones was a very short time span it felt right , though I certainly would not recommend this , it can work sometimes.

In your case @AnyaMarx , EEWWWWWWW , not a bloody hope in hell . You definitely did the right thing by blocking him .

swayingpalmtree · 26/03/2023 09:49

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 26/03/2023 09:40

FFS. What do you want - a medal for not being a rapist?
How does you not being "a pushy man" make OP's shituation with this guy ok?

Yet another man who doesn't have a fucking clue about women's lives & the kinds of creeps, sleazes & weirdos we navigate on a constant basis.

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/schrodingers-rapist-and-the-threat-of-violence-against-women

Show quote history

SO well said. WTF has his situation got to do with the OPs situation? Just because he isnt a rapist, that doesnt mean the bloke in this scenario isnt and the very fact he is pressuring her to stay over before they've even met is a huge red flag. Sure, he then backtracked and claimed it was a "joke" but noone is laughing are they, because its not funny and clearly wasnt a joke at all.

I dont know why random men come on here to tell us theyre a good guy - great! good for you, but that doesnt mean that we should just assume that all men have kind intentions simply because a random man online told us that he did. That wont keep us safe will it?

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 26/03/2023 09:55

But that isn't weird or creepy @ScottBakula that is consenting adults making a decision based on the feelings when meeting.

It wouldn't have mattered if you never saw him again, if you had fun and you wanted to have sex (and he did as well) then crack on.

LuluLehman · 26/03/2023 09:57

AnyaMarx · 25/03/2023 11:01

Ffs . He was my first date in a year .

How the fuck do I manage to pick 'em .

Trust me: it's not you. It's them.

LuluLehman · 26/03/2023 10:01

AnyaMarx · 25/03/2023 11:46

I've had a voicemail now saying he was only joking and we should talk before we meet anyway and he was only joking g about it being the last night on earth or something

He'd suggested we live like it's out last night due to this asteroid.....

Nah .

He said I was only joking g but if you wanna forget it it's your call

I blocked him so phone didn't ring.

Ahh, the last night on earth schtick. I suppose it works for some women. Thank Goodness, not for you. Well done, Anya.

LooseGoose22 · 26/03/2023 10:18

neitherofthem · 25/03/2023 13:10

Where do all these men get the idea that, because they are desperate for a shag, that all unattached women feel the same, and will literally jump at the chance to impale themselves on the first available dick?

They project that onto women.

They have not somehow grasped that women are not men.

fatherfintanstack · 26/03/2023 10:19

Urgh I hated the whitney, wheedly 'I was only joking' backpedalling when the sex pests are turned down. No, own it if you're only up for sex and look for like minded partners. Don't behave as though women need tricking into it and are silly/overemotional/ prudish when we want something other than just sex. We want sex too. Sometimes as part of a relationship, sometimes as a standalone thing. Give us the credit of knowing what we want. I had a nice date with one bloke, he then started texting me questions such as 'do you like giving blowjobs' and the like. I told him I wasn't looking for that sort of conversation after one date. Cue 'mehhhh I was only joking. Can't you take a joke?'. I asked him what was so witty about those comments. He couldn't come up with much. Knobhead.

The crappy message you recount here looks to me like he has got inspiration from some pickup article or website. Not sure why else he would come up with that level of shite about asteroids and dogs to mask the fact that he's inviting himself to a stranger's house.

Good response from you.

LooseGoose22 · 26/03/2023 10:20

Two days later he sent a parcel from a old fashion sweet shop called " a quarter of " that contained all the sweets we had spoke about by the fountain.

Awww

That situation appears to have developed very organically, unlike this one.

LooseGoose22 · 26/03/2023 10:26

Ah bring back all the mid neutral chat random comments revealing their intentions;

Blah blah .....
"Do you live alone/have your own place?"
"That's a bit of a weird question first time you're messaging someone. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, it's just handy, waffle waffle."
Translation; (I'm not single, or (at best) I live with my folks.

Blah blah, Neutral job talk ...
"I'm a really good kisser by the way"
"That's a really weird comment you make in the middle of taking about your work, the first time you're messaging someone".
"Oh yeah, I just wanted to put that out there".

It's like whatever they say, their brain is chanting "need to get my dick wet, want to get my dick wet, my dick, my dick, my dick".

Wasn't it Chris Rock who said that if a woman responds remotely civilly to a man, the only thing he's thinking, no matter what he's saying,is "want some dick?".

Riverlee · 26/03/2023 10:27

Op you did the right thing by blocking him. He is a total creep.

LooseGoose22 · 26/03/2023 10:28

Urgh I hated the whitney, wheedly 'I was only joking' backpedalling when the sex pests are turned down.

This too, the "I was oh joking" back down/cover up is so fake & disengenuous and looks pathetic.

Mrseven · 26/03/2023 10:30

On to the next one OP!

He's weird. Asteroid WTF!?

Great you haven't invested emotionally yet.

LooseGoose22 · 26/03/2023 10:32

Just remembered another one;

"Are you an adventurous type of girl, loosegoose?"

Well I've done a parachute jump, travelled West Africa, lived in greater Tokyo etc etc .... But it's not that type of adventure you're talking about , is it. It's fucking a slightly above average bloke who works as a bar man. Given I've fucked slightly above average blokes many many times before; that would be the opposite of adventurous.

I didn't bother saying that, just wrapped up the convo. Becausd he was young and asking for reassurance about his looks. We are always so much kinder and politer to them than they ever are to us.

boozybirds · 26/03/2023 10:34

Herbiebanannas · 26/03/2023 06:28

Firstly, I am absolutely not the bloke who OP was due to meet. I am happily married to my awesome wife.

An awesome wife who I met having never spoken for a lunch date that turned into an afternoon in the pub which then turned into a dinner date ( well, pizza on a bench) which then turned into me going back to hers and leaving 32 hours after we met.

Was she ever at risk? Nope

Was I the pushy man? Nope

Did she completely control the pace of everything? Yes

Was she the one who took the pre date messages in the direction of see chat? Yes

Is she asleep next to me in our house some five years later after another amazing and fun filled day and evening yesterday? Yes

His message was a bit OTT but pretty tame compared to what she sent me before we met. I think we would both agree that meeting on that date was the best thing either of us ever did.

I'd love to know, if you would advise your daughter to take a stranger home?

Genuine question.