The perils of a partly open relationship...

[OblongCircles]

We are a married couple, both late thirties. Got together in our late teens.

My wife has always liked women as well as men, played around with some women before we were together, but never had a serious relationship other than me.

We've got a pretty good sex life. She's a bit into kink and roleplay, which I'm not, but I think we are both happy with it.

But (there was always going to be a but!)...

She would like permission to play around with women. Not to have a relationship or anything - just physical stuff.

I'm not super-keen on her doing this - it maybe selfish of me, but I'd rather have her to myself. Still, I don't think I would feel too threatened, or replaced, as long as she wasn't sleeping with other guys.

It also feels a bit one-sided. She said that she's happy for me to explore with men, but I'm straight, so don't want to! She says that she as she will only be seeing women outside our relationship (not men), that it would be wrong for me to see other women.

I don't know whether to:

(a) say no to the whole thing
(b) say okay, but insist that its open on my side to sleep with women
(c) open it up on her side only.

Has anyone been through this kind of thing?

Thanks!

*straight or gay person

Well, it's an internet chat forum and a throwaway comment, but that's what the research backs up - and it's all I have ever seen in real life so I don't disbelieve it.

Men in general are much more accepting of bi women as partners than women are of bi men.

But you're comparing different groups so it's not really a double standard.

A double standard would be a bisexual person saying they wouldn't date a bi man but they'd date a bi women.

There is one really important difference that can exist between same-sex sexual activity and sexual activity involving a (biological) man and a (biological) woman, which is that the latter can sometimes result in pregnancy, whereas the former never can. A pregnancy carried to term often results in some sort of life-long links between the two sexual partners.

I think this gives some justification to think about consensual heterosexual activity as having more serious consequences than consensual homosexual activity.

That said, sex is also very much about the bond between the humans involved, there also STIs, and a relationship on the side can make one partner less available to the other partner even if it really is "nothing serious", so for all of these reasons, I tend to agree with that subset of PPs who advise OP not to accept for his partner to have sex with women while he is in effect expected to continue refraining from having sex with anyone else besides her.

A LOT of women are what you call "hetromantic" meaning that they only have emotional/romantic feelings for men even tho are sexually attracted to both genders. Id say the majoraty of women are bisexual hetromantic although a lot of women call themselfs straight just because they only want relationships with men despite being sexually attracted and turned on by women.

As a straight man I've never had any emotional or romantic feelings for women although Im very sexually attracted to women, I also would like my own kids so thats why I date because if a man wants kids the your going to need a woman for that lol.

But you seem unhappy about this and you have every right to he, women like her are selfish and its like she wants the security of being with a man while at the same time wants to play with women. Thats why I tell men to never enter a relationship with a bi woman

Account how many times do you feel the need to tell us you only want women for sex?
Your comments were deleted yesterday but we all got the picture.

@CosmoK well many bisexual women only want women for sex while being in relationships with men, I was just saying that romantic, emotional and sexual attraction are all different to each other.

I could have sex with a woman, have kids with a woman, raise kids with a woman but I hate all that romantic crap and I never want to get married

Are you honest with the women you date?
Do you tell them that you are not interested in them romantically or emotionally and only want them for sex and a vessel to carry your baby?

You're a disgrace.

Body count - disgusting term. How many people someone has slept with has nothing to do with anyone else unless you choose to tell them.
That is in no way comparable to the lies you choose to tell.

Your post gives off massive incel vibes.

But it's still up to an individual if they want to share details about their past. If someone can't handle that then that's their issue.

So you're planning on tricking a woman in giving you a family and sex? Nice ......

You're not very nice because you lie. If a Bi-sexual women was saying the same things as you then I'd also think they weren't a very nice person.

I'm bi-sexual and married to a man. I told him this on the first date. I was completely honest.

The women I have had sex with have all been there for the same reason - sex. Everyone has been open and honest about that.

The issue here isn't sex or sexuality. It's honesty.

If you are only interested in someone for sex, then at least be honest about it.

women are allowed to share/not share thier sexual past but then she doesnt need to know that I dont love her in a romantic or emotional way. We are still going to have sex, We can be mates, we can raise kids together etc so why should she care?

Two different things.
Her sexual past doesn't impact your future. You don't have to share yours either.

If someone is planning their future with you they need to know your intentions. Anything else is unfair.

I care about sexual past and if a woman wants to lie then fine, Im also lying by pretending to love her just for sex/kids.

If you care about someone's sexual past (why though?) then you need to find someone who is happy to share.
You also need to find someone who doesn't care if you don't love her.

Many women are not even turned on by the male body and yet still date men because they love our personalities and male energy. Im not into womens personalities but I like thier bodies

You clearly don't know shit about women 😂😂

It's often your personality and energy that's the problem

We have a live incel here!

I don't have sex with other men ( other than my husband).
I'm not stealing women away from other men because a) they aren't your property and b) most of them are in a relationship with a man already.

Oh, and I bloody love women's personalities.

And that there lying is one of the key differences between men and women…

Every woman I know on the swinging scene is very open about what they’re after - some relationships some just sex (with women, men or both).

Same with the likes of DH and I - every person we swing with is aware of it being just sex, or FWB or whatever.

Lying to someone to trick them into building a life with you is vile.
It’s renting a womb and paying by false promises.

The “stealing other women” comment show the raging entitlement of some men. No-one can steal people. Women are not your possessions to be stolen.

You seem to think you know a lot about bi women........ but you don't.

I don't want a relationship with a women right now because I love my husband. If I wasn't with my husband then I'd be open to a relationship with a woman but it's all hypothetical as I'm in love with my DH 🤷🏼‍♀️

Vile isn't he?

Like you, the people I've met on the swinging scene or through skirt club have been some of the most open, honest and respectful people.

More so than people I've met through dating or in bars.