Could you have been as happy without children?

[James637]

People with kids, do you think you could have been as happy in life without them? Also, older childfree/less people, do you ever regret your decision? Does it get boring as a couple without kids?

I think I would have been happier without them, but I will never know.

I'd have been much happier without kids sadly.

Personally I would have been a lot less happy without kids, we're all different though.

I think that I am happier with them. Had I not had DC I would have had to mentally adjust what I expected my life/future to be like, and having come round to the idea would maybe have been just as happy once I'd accepted it but there would have been a period of painful adjustment. A friend of mine always wanted to be a mum but life didn't work out that way for her and she now feels that it was for the best. I think you can definitely be happy without children though.

I would have cracked on with it. I can’t answer properly. But, cliche as it sounds, becoming a mother was the absolute making of me. I’m not the best. Could be better. But with my entire heart and being, I love my children, soul deep, and they really are my purpose. I am fulfilled and deeply, deeply content and grateful for them.
I’ve had many friends and family members, without children, pour their living into other aspects of being alive. They too live/have lived very deep, meaningful, fulfilling lives and are/were also content.

It's so difficult to know. I feel I'd be much happier with children, but I'll never know. I may be unhappier! it's such a difficult decision to make but one that is being made for me.

I'm personally not sure what else I'd have done with my life. I've never taken much joy from work, find travelling really stressful etc. Probably not the best reason in the world but it seems like most people I know have kids and I wanted the same lifestyle.

It's a catch 22. Had I not been able to have kids I would have felt like I was missing out. I now know that at this exact moment in time we would have been much happier without (if the aforementioned regret was not an issue). However, I like to think that once they are old enough not to scream at me/disturb my sleep/need attention all the bloody time/fill me with daily terror that they will die somehow then life with them will be better than the version without.

Much happier with them but I would never have known this if I'd stayed child free.

The older I get the surer I am I don't want them. The fear of dying alone part is admittedly a thing (when I look at how much emotional support I've given my own parents through aging and illness) but that alone would be a crap reason to have a child!

It's hard to say, having children is hard work, but it gives you a purpose in life in addition to work.

I would have been less happy as I would have always wanted them and longed for that bond.

But I can fully see how someone could be happier without children and would love the freedom it allows, had I not met my children (I love them too much to be without them).

Only another 15 years to go until some freedom returns 😅

It depends on the day you ask me OP! Some days, when I feel like I’m not failing at it, I think DS is the best thing that ever happened to me. Without question he has made me self aware, a lot less selfish, I now have a modicum of patience and I think I’m a lot more understanding & less judgemental generally. Parenting is a great equalizer and incredibly humbling. They dont care if you’re killing a sale or pitch worth £1M on Zoom - they just want a snack and they want it NOW. However, we are now at an age where he is fab company, he is kind, hilarious & witty, and for someone who isn’t emotional can make me well up with pride at the simple very selfless things he does for other people. Its a wonder to watch this thing you made go off and develop into their own person.

on the other hand….. jesus christ. The stress, the worry, the guilt…. the ‘bigness’ of rearing a human… It never ends. Its a thankless slog 95% of the time, we live in a country and society that still has a long way to go in supporting working mums. The logistical nightmare of the week gets to military standards sometimes here and I long for the breaks.

Missing out on motherhood does depend on your priorities as a person. I like a nice house, good standard of living, my career is hugely important to me as are (were!) socialising, weekend mini breaks abroad and my friends. I got pregnant accidentally within a marriage after being told I was infertile so went with it despite not really being thrilled at the prospect - maybe that clouded the experience before it got going. Everything in this paragraph has suffered or gone to shite altogether due to being a parent (single mum… maybe that impacts this also as have a wanker of a co-parent). On balance, my life would be far more fulfilling personally if I’d stayed childless. I’m doing ‘it’, and we’re surviving as a little unit, but the resentment can creep in!

Me and DH are childfree by choice. We are now 66 and 69 and have never regretted for a second our choice. We look at our friends with grown up children and even grandchildren who are still having problems with them and say to each other how glad we are that we chose not to have any.

We have been married 43 years and are very happy and very much still in love. Never get bored with each other. We would both rather spend time with the other than anyone else.

Absolutely not. I don't think I I would have been able to live my whole natural life without children. I think it would have made me suicidal to be brutally honest.

Yes (and i totally and utterly worship and love my child more than anything in the world)

I think having to have a child to fix something in you is not fair on the child

I feel fortunate to be able to have a child but that is because I have the child, a child is not a band aid

There are moments where parenting is very difficult and challenging but overall having children has brought me great joy and fulfilment. But I always knew I wanted children and was able to have them so I never had to consider the alternative. I have some (mostly involuntary) child-free relatives and friends and they have joyful lives, too. They’ve found other things to focus on.

My child makes me laugh and smile every day. We love each other unconditionally, like no other relationship I've had except my own parents and some very close friends. If I hadn't had him I think I would have always wondered what it would be like to have a child and would have felt like I'd missed out on somethings, an emptyness, a gap. So yes, I am happier with.

Wow that’s intense!

Why do you think this?

I would have to have a very different life to be as happy with kids as without. I'd need to be very successful in my career and able to do a lot of travelling, just to feel the same satisfaction I get from being with my kids and watching them grow.

I very much doubt I'd have stayed with DH if we hadn't had had children. I do love him, and he's a good man and a great dad, but we don't actually have much in common, in terms of interests and what we want from life. The kids are our main "thing in common" - our love for them and our desire to give them the best and happiest life possible is what has drawn us together.

Without them I think we'd have drifted apart years ago.

Why do you think you would be?

All I ever wanted from about age 13 was to be a Mum, so I think I would have found life without dc incredibly tough.

My life hasn't gone smoothly in lots of ways (first marriage ended, I was a skint, struggling single mum for years etc) but throughout it all I have absolutely loved being a Mum.
Like a pp I'm not one with any grand career or travel plans etc so not sure how my life would have evolved without dc?

I would never have felt happy without my amazing ds. He means the world to us.

@James637 I think the pull to have children is very intense for a lot of women