Hello,
Just for some back story, me and my partner have been together for almost 8 years. I am 27 and he is 28. We have a home and mortgage together and spent the last couple of years renovating our home.
We touched on the subject of kids last year in couples therapy where my partner stated he couldn't see himself ever being a dad and this broke me. After a few sessions, he said it's not something he wants now but that isn't to say he wouldn't want it in the future. This gave me some slight reassurance as I myself am not ready for children, but know for sure I want a family in the future.
Over the past year, people around me are announcing pregnancies including my best friend. I decided to bring up the topic again and he straight away said - I don't want kids. This has just broken my heart, he is my soul mate and best friend and I cannot picture a life without him. But If we both want different things for the future, surely the best thing for both of us is to leave?
He says that having children means he won't be able to do the things he loves. He is quite wealthy and runs a successful business. He loves the freedom of being able to drop things and go away, do his hobbies etc.
On the other hand, I cannot picture a future for myself that doesn't include raising a family. Most of his friends, colleagues and his sister have children and continue to do what they love, so his reasonings confuse me. But I try to be compassionate and understanding with him as I know it isn't his fault.
I know he doesn't want us to end but I feel as though I have to be selfish if we cannot come to some agreement. I would love some advice on this please - I feel as though I cannot talk to anyone about this as I am ashamed to approach my friends (who are all planning weddings & families).
It may not sound like it, but for the last few days, I feel as though my heart has just been chewed up and everything now feels so uncertain. I feel as though I am grieving my future life and relationship even though it's still very much here.