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Original poster

My DH just said something so awful/insane...

369 replies

EyeEyeBoom · 06/03/2023 22:10

He's depressed as his 93 year old grandad died last month and he says making him think he's going to die himself and its all for nothing

He's not been helping me with housework for years (before death of grandad)

Anyway we werr having a bit of a row and he just said to me

"I used to think you were actually magic. Like really maybe magic. Like it was you and me against "them". Our relationship transcended death. And now you just ask me to do more laundry and clean the bathroom. Practical, boring. And you're unhappy apparently because of these small unimportant things. You're not magic after all. You're just like them all"

This is pretty much word for word

He's unhinged isn't he?

OP posts:
Meandfour · 06/03/2023 22:11

He’s struggling massively isn’t he. Has he sought help for his depression? He really needs some help.

Coffeellama · 06/03/2023 22:13

Unhinged sounds really harsh. He’s clearly struggling and possibly unwell. Has he seen his GP? Will he?

Redglitter · 06/03/2023 22:13

I think unhinged is a bit harsh. Sounds like he's struggling mentally. If he's depressed he's not going to be thinking rationally

Spottycarousel · 06/03/2023 22:14

That's kind of sad actually. He sounds disillusioned rather than unhinged. He needs some support maybe from a professional.

lifeturnsonadime · 06/03/2023 22:15

Does he really hate helping around the house, call me a cynic but I'd be thinking that's an excuse to do bugger all.

Especially since you said he's done nothing for years.

You're magic, of course you are, you do everything.

HandlesFruit · 06/03/2023 22:15

Yes, that does sound concerning. Has he ever given you the impression of being paranoid before?

Hellocatshome · 06/03/2023 22:16

If my DH said something like that I would be strongly recommending he make an appointment with the GP to discuss not.coping with his recent bereavement.

Original poster
EyeEyeBoom · 06/03/2023 22:17

I've been trying to get him to go to the GP for years. He tells me I'm gaslighting him by making him feel he needs to be "fixed"

He just told me how boring I've become because I dare ask him to help me round the house and I've ruined our "magic". I mean I saw that as pretty manipulative. He told me he wants me to "shut up about being unhappy or telling him to do stuff because it is affecting him"

Unhinged is unfair. And harsh. But I'm done in. And a bit scared about what he was saying about transcending death

OP posts:
blueshoes · 06/03/2023 22:17

lifeturnsonadime · 06/03/2023 22:15

Does he really hate helping around the house, call me a cynic but I'd be thinking that's an excuse to do bugger all.

Especially since you said he's done nothing for years.

You're magic, of course you are, you do everything.

This.

He uses depression as an excuse to be useless. Now he wants to make you feel bad about yourself.

Owlatnight · 06/03/2023 22:18

Read harry potter and the order of the phoenix and inject some magic into housework. Or find some fun podcasts audio books while you do it

Emmamoo89 · 06/03/2023 22:21

He's obviously not well and needs some help

BraveGoldie · 06/03/2023 22:21

It sounds either like a real mental health challenge and/or a pretty heartfelt cry for what feels like a relationship that is dying or has died.

If you feel you still connect with him in a joyful, meaningful, fulfilling way then maybe it's more the former, and he needs support with his mh. If you feel a similar death in your relationship, then maybe it's about having the courage to actually hear what he is saying, without attacking him or bouncing it off.... acknowledging that you feel something similar... take a big breath and work out what to do about it.

Sorry OP. It sounds very hard either way.

MySugarBabyLove · 06/03/2023 22:22

He’s an abusive cunt. He’s using his (alleged) depression in order to justify his being a useless husband.

yes. He’s unhinged, and given he’s refused to go to the GP for years OP I would be rethinking my marriage.

NomadicSpirit · 06/03/2023 22:22

He maybe thinks you're like Mickey Mouse in Fantasia and you just magic all the pots clean.

It does sound like he needs some help and yes, the "transcending death" bit could be viewed as a bit creepy. You know him best and if you're starting to feel worried for your safety, then I'd err on the side of caution. Your primary concern should be you first.

HandlesFruit · 06/03/2023 22:22

I would say GP is a must. I’d be quite worried Does he have any history of mental health issues or any in the family, eg schizophrenia?

(This is assuming you think he means it. If not, he’s being manipulative and a lazy sod.)

Original poster
EyeEyeBoom · 06/03/2023 22:22

Maybe I'm being harsh about his grandads death. But DH never visited him in his care home. Not once. Never called. Never did anything. And his grandad died at 93 in hid sleep. And now he's lying on the sofa talking about his own mortality and how depressed he is. And I dare talk about such boring things like our kids or the house. And then he came out with some pretty crazy stuff.

OP posts:
Onnabugeisha · 06/03/2023 22:23

🤣 I don’t think what he said is awful or unhinged. I’d have said back that his Tinkerbell doesn’t have a magic wand so time to grow up Peter Pan.

But of course, now his grandpa has passed away, need to support the grieving first.

Youve had years to get him house broken, now isn’t the best time to try and do it. Give him a free pass for his grandad for another month and then actually seriously address the issue of him not doing housework.

Daffodilsandbeer · 06/03/2023 22:24

MySugarBabyLove · 06/03/2023 22:22

He’s an abusive cunt. He’s using his (alleged) depression in order to justify his being a useless husband.

yes. He’s unhinged, and given he’s refused to go to the GP for years OP I would be rethinking my marriage.

God that’s so abusive.

Original poster
EyeEyeBoom · 06/03/2023 22:24

@HandlesFruit his brother is schizophrenic

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 06/03/2023 22:26

That sounds very much like contempt to me.

MySugarBabyLove · 06/03/2023 22:26

I’d be telling him that if he really thinks he’s depressed he either goes to see the GP or he can shut the fuck up.

Too many people claim to be depressed to justify them checking out of normal life and in many instances abusing those around them.

I have sympathy for anyone who is genuinely depressed and wants help to do something about it, but the term is thrown around to readily these days, and then people are expected to just walk on eggshells and put up with whatever treatment because “mental health”.

morethanspice · 06/03/2023 22:27

reminds me of the sort of thing my very narcissistic ex H used to say, all about how I was once wonderful and now I’m crap

SkyandSurf · 06/03/2023 22:27

EyeEyeBoom · 06/03/2023 22:22

Maybe I'm being harsh about his grandads death. But DH never visited him in his care home. Not once. Never called. Never did anything. And his grandad died at 93 in hid sleep. And now he's lying on the sofa talking about his own mortality and how depressed he is. And I dare talk about such boring things like our kids or the house. And then he came out with some pretty crazy stuff.

He's not sounding great OP.

You're mortal as well, are you meant to spent your one life cleaning all the bathrooms by yourself so he doesn't waste his?

Nimbostratus100 · 06/03/2023 22:27

Point out to him that life can only be "magic" if you have a tidy well ordered house and the chores done quickly and efficiently enough to enjoy freedom and time to enjoy yourselves, and he needs to take his shore of responsibility for keeping the family at that point

CallieJones · 06/03/2023 22:28

How dare you ask for help with housework op. You've ruined the magic!