Page 5 | My DH just said something so awful/insane...

EyeEyeBoom · 2023-03-06T22:10:39+00:00

He's depressed as his 93 year old grandad died last month and he says making him think he's going to die himself and its all for nothing He's not been helping me with housework for years (before death of grandad) Anyway we werr having a bit of a row and he just said to me "I used to think you were actually magic. Like really maybe magic. Like it was you and me against "them". Our relationship transcended death. And now you just ask me to do more laundry and clean the bathroom. Practical, boring. And you're unhappy apparently because of these small unimportant things. You're not magic after all. You're just like them all" This is pretty much word for word He's unhinged isn't he?

Alargeoneplease89 · 06/03/2023 23:02

Does he smoke weed?

After reading your first post, I was going to say you are harsh but after reading more of your posts, I really couldn't be around someone like that. Basically they think they are thinking out of the box because they are so intelligent, normally weed or SM unlocks that little box of nuts.

I would be concerned if he looked at me the way you described. I am never LTB but I'm swaying that way.

Echobelly · 06/03/2023 23:03

Part of me would want to say 'Yes I am not magic and I am like "the rest of them", I have to do lots of dull domestic things and instead of getting my own time and space'. But I know that wouldn't be helpful and he does sound depressed - although maybe if things do improve a bit you can then have the 'I'm not magic' discussion

AfraidToRun · 06/03/2023 23:03

If you don't like your husband, could you leave?

StaceyLikesFlowers · 06/03/2023 23:03

Magic? Did you take his virginity by any chance?

puddingandsun · 06/03/2023 23:03

He's poetic, you're practical. Don't know. Hard to say out of context but I don't think there's anything wrong with him as such.
People are allowed to view the world differently.
You know him better than anybody on here. Has he changed dramatically?

SirVixofVixHall · 06/03/2023 23:04

He sounds very self centred and manipulative. I have heard this sort of stuff before, the “Oh you’re so booooooring” when a woman has to do something practical and essential. Friends of mine have dated men like this.
How on earth have you coped having children with him ? He wants to be the centre of attention it seems, and now you are a boring mummy who wants him to do the washing up. The men I knew like this were always “artistic “ in some way, and needed quiet to write, or play guitar, etc etc. mundane things were too dull and beneath them.
Then they were so sensitive and artistic that they would need a lie down, just at the point that dinner needed cooking, or a toddler needed looking after.

StaceyLikesFlowers · 06/03/2023 23:05

Tell him that even Cinderella had to scrub the loo

OldFan · 06/03/2023 23:05

I had one say stuff like this. It's very manipulative- behave how I want or you're nothing special. Mine would say I was just like his ex wife because I didn't live as a sexbot 24/7.

Depression/grief isn't an excuse to be mean to your spouse. And sounds like he hasn't been the best to you for ages anyway @EyeEyeBoom xx

Original poster

EyeEyeBoom · 06/03/2023 23:06

He doesn't smoke weed

I just don't want to go to bed because its so uncomfortable. The rage is coming off him. He won't say anything to me. My kids have been in bed for horus of course.

I just mean my kids having to spend lots of time with their dad without me, particularly given his anger/depression/paranoid or worse. That feels very hard for me to consider. They are very little and unaware of it. Take the bath for example. They had a lovely bath time, mummy splashing them, singing songs. They don't know daddy is glaring at mummy. I don't want to leave them alone with him because I won't be there to make everything OK

OP posts:

Sparkleshine21 · 06/03/2023 23:08

Do you drive and have family or friends nearby? I’d wait until he’s snoozing and honestly go to your mum or dads or mates with the littles in the car if I’m honest. He sounds truly awful and it sounds as if you’re on eggshells.

OldFan · 06/03/2023 23:08

I was called boring (the subtext was probably that it was all about sex) when I've literally never been called boring by anyone before or since (apart from one other bloke being bored one day because I wasn't up for sex on demand.)

MoltenLasagne · 06/03/2023 23:08

EyeEyeBoom · 06/03/2023 22:39

I've known he was lazy and entitled for a long time. And I've known he has anxiety too for a long time and been trying to get him help. But the stuff he was coming out with tonight. Thinking of our kids death. Me being actual magic. And he sounded like he meant that literally. I've never heard that kind of stuff before.

Honestly OP, this combined with your post about the look of contempt and his brother's schizophrenia is making me genuinely worried for you.

I think you're possibly in a boiling frog situation where things have incrementally got worse so you're struggling to see he's crossing a fundamental line and becoming a threat.

Summerfun54321 · 06/03/2023 23:08

Honestly this sounds like the start of a psychotic episode. Please call his GP in the morning. The mental health charity Mind may also be able to give you advice.

Alargeoneplease89 · 06/03/2023 23:11

EyeEyeBoom · 06/03/2023 23:06

He doesn't smoke weed

I just don't want to go to bed because its so uncomfortable. The rage is coming off him. He won't say anything to me. My kids have been in bed for horus of course.

I just mean my kids having to spend lots of time with their dad without me, particularly given his anger/depression/paranoid or worse. That feels very hard for me to consider. They are very little and unaware of it. Take the bath for example. They had a lovely bath time, mummy splashing them, singing songs. They don't know daddy is glaring at mummy. I don't want to leave them alone with him because I won't be there to make everything OK

Honestly that's concerning to read, if you don't feel safe with leaving him with the kids then you definitely need to do something.
What about his parents/brother? Are they understanding? Has his brothers MH issues got under control? Can you confide in them?

NomadicSpirit · 06/03/2023 23:12

Can you ring 111 for their advice on how to deal with a possible mh crisis?

Whatever you decide to do, stay safe and don't antagonise him. If you get more concerned then 999 is probably a better number to ring.

YukoandHiro · 06/03/2023 23:12

Having read all your updates I'm concerned for you OP. Can you tell him your scared, or would that worsen the situation?
Do you think you ought to call 111 for advice or maybe even the police? Does he need immediate psychiatric support?
Are his parents alive? Would they have any advice on this due to his family history of psychiatric illness?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/03/2023 23:14

No. He's just a lazy shit and now using his Granddad as an excuse.

Sorry.

puddingandsun · 06/03/2023 23:14

EyeEyeBoom · 06/03/2023 23:06

He doesn't smoke weed

I just don't want to go to bed because its so uncomfortable. The rage is coming off him. He won't say anything to me. My kids have been in bed for horus of course.

I just mean my kids having to spend lots of time with their dad without me, particularly given his anger/depression/paranoid or worse. That feels very hard for me to consider. They are very little and unaware of it. Take the bath for example. They had a lovely bath time, mummy splashing them, singing songs. They don't know daddy is glaring at mummy. I don't want to leave them alone with him because I won't be there to make everything OK

Having read your later posts I am genuinely worried for you. I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult situation. Please reach out to someone in real life.

saraclara · 06/03/2023 23:14

I'm also very concerned for you and the children. Please call the MIND helpline when you get chance. This can't continue, and your children are growing up on a very tense and worrying environment. You're kidding yourself if you think they don't notice.

Inkypot · 06/03/2023 23:15

EyeEyeBoom · 06/03/2023 23:06

He doesn't smoke weed

I just don't want to go to bed because its so uncomfortable. The rage is coming off him. He won't say anything to me. My kids have been in bed for horus of course.

I just mean my kids having to spend lots of time with their dad without me, particularly given his anger/depression/paranoid or worse. That feels very hard for me to consider. They are very little and unaware of it. Take the bath for example. They had a lovely bath time, mummy splashing them, singing songs. They don't know daddy is glaring at mummy. I don't want to leave them alone with him because I won't be there to make everything OK

Take them with you OP. Someone else has suggested wait until he's asleep himself and leave with your little ones, I have to agree.
Do you have anyone close-ish to you? Can you text and ask someone to come round so you have another adult there to support you?
Alternatively please remember the Samaritans are open 24/7 or SHOUT have a text number you can message if you'd rather not do a phone call, you can text them on 85258 and they're open 24/7 as well.
Please do not stay there with your children if at all possible, your posts are speaking volumes about your safety or lack thereof.

Original poster

EyeEyeBoom · 06/03/2023 23:15

He's asleep. There is a sofa bed in my sons room. I'll sleep in there tonight.

Thank you all for being so supportive. I'm really worried. Tying to work out how to do right by the kids I guess. That's the most important thing. I feel like I've been trying to look after him plus them for so long and it's too much

OP posts:

saraclara · 06/03/2023 23:16

puddingandsun · 06/03/2023 23:03

He's poetic, you're practical. Don't know. Hard to say out of context but I don't think there's anything wrong with him as such.
People are allowed to view the world differently.
You know him better than anybody on here. Has he changed dramatically?

I suggest that you read all the OP's posts.

Feelingittchy · 06/03/2023 23:17

You do right by your kids by keeping you and them out of danger. I'm feel my hair on my neck standing up just reading this.

YukoandHiro · 06/03/2023 23:18

OP I think you should take your children somewhere safe (your parents house? A friend's) as soon as you can in the morning - can you do this before he wakes - then try to get him some urgent help via the doctor/police/his parents.

TheVanguardSix · 06/03/2023 23:19

The transcending death statement's a bit OTT. It's just putting impossible pressure on what is already the impossible pressure of being human/being alive.
He wants magic? Get him fake dog poo, a whoopie cushion, or fart-in-a-can and a deck of cards. Get him an Eckhart Tolle book, tell him to calm the fuck down, open his mind if possible, and crucially OP, plan your exit. Life's short. Transcend this marriage.
Grief can be a reason we're sort of dicks to people we love while we're processing our suffering. But it's not an excuse. And he just sounds... I don't know. I need a Cosmo Kramer sound effect here to get my point across.
Loopy. He sounds a little loopy and messy.
Hugs and 💐

And this! This needs to be on a t-shirt because it is Gospel! 👏
Too many people claim to be depressed to justify them checking out of normal life and in many instances abusing those around them.