DH told me he's leaving by announcing trip with OW

Time for him to spend weekends there too then.He's such a pathetic cliche,younger woman who's single and childless and a work colleague;it nearly always seems to be someone met via work whenever a woman posts on him her husband or physically or emotionally cheating on her.

It's all him and not a reflection on you.

Also the OW probably won't find him nearly as attractive when there are 3 kids in tow EOW;the reality VS fantasy is usually very different (unless your the woman who's DH OW was the kids nanny who actually wanted to be a step mother)

Also the OW probably won't find him nearly as attractive when there are 3 kids in tow EOW

Totally this!

He probably has had more time to process and has moved on.

My exh did agree to decent levels of maintenance but it’s really easy for them to stop
paying. Unless he has an employer and you go through CSA. Seek advice from a solicitor. Gather paperwork. Look at costs/ value of house/ pensions.

I would tell his mum where he is I think. I never told anyone and I regretted it.

It will get easier - I get that right now it feels impossible x

Could he already be at the let’s be friends stage or is this control?

It's guilt and pride. He wants everyone to be friends and to be ok because then he won't have to deal with the reality of his actions. "I caused it, but I fixed it and everyone is happy so no harm done."

So sorry this is happening to you. I agree that you should tell his mother - calmly but in detail. And share your concerns about maintenance - she may well be of help there. Courage. This too will pass.

I would very calmly tell his mum that he’s away with his girlfriend at the moment.

As PP said he wants everyone to be on good terms so he doesn’t need to deal with any guilt. Screw that. You need to prioritise yourself and your children.

This.

I agree with a pp, text his mum and tell her that he's away this weekend with his girlfriend

See a solicitor and find out what your next steps should be

Gather paperwork, his payslips, mortgage, pensions, bank statements, savings etc

Go onto the cms calc and find out what your payments should be based on how many nights he has the dc

Take care of you, try to eat and drink, also tell people, they will help support you.

Don't talk to him unless it's in regards to the house or the dc, and remember he no longer has your best interests at heart, he's not a friend and is only out to get what he can.

This is advice I was given by my divorce lawyer . Get him to sign when he’s feeling guilty . Glad I followed her advice . Good luck to you . This will end and you will be fine . Didn’t think I’d cope but I’m so happy now x

@IDidNothingWrong

He's already 5 miles down the road you've just taken your first step on. And don't think for a second that he's considered your well-being in anything he's done or thought since he took his first step on that road. He may be talking a good game, but that's only going to last until the first time you say "No" when he suggests settlement, property, maintenance, or access. He's playing 'nicey-nicey' right now because it's costing him nothing to do so and in hopes that you will be fooled into thinking that whatever he suggests is 'reasonable' and just go along with it.

As far as him being 'friendly', he is not your friend, he is your adversary. Being adversarial doesn't necessarily mean being nasty or combative. It just means to view everything he says and does with a large dose of skepticism. And to agree to nothing until you've had time to examine, think, and consult with a knowledgable source.

It's hard to change your mindset, I know. You're used to thinking of the two of you as 'us'. But it's not 'us' anymore. It's you and what you need to make your way in your new life.

Get a good solicitor and listen carefully to them.

And I agree with PP as far as his mum goes. Please don't lie for him. If you are asked by anyone where he is or what's going on there is no shame in saying "He has left us for another woman". You don't need to cover for him anymore.

So sorry OP. I didn't want to read and run.
Don't lie for him. If anyone asks I would tell them the truth. You don't owe him anything.
Sorry to be blunt but get angry. He isn't crying for you OP. He is having a nice time away enjoying himself with the OW while you are at home trying to keep everything together. You and your DC's deserve so much better.
Take one day at a time, be strong for you and your DC's. The grass isn't greener on the otherside and one day he will regret it but by then you will be in a better place. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

Every week on here
there are so many women who are being left, with small DC, sometimes it’s obvious there is an OW, sometimes not (emerges later)

Happened to me, she’s just had his child

Everyone around them has just stood back and let him get away with it
Its unbelievable

I don’t know if I should call her or leave that to him. We’ve always got on well though I’m in no doubt she will ultimately support her son even if she disagrees with what he has done.

It's probably too late today, but you need to call your MIL and tell her what her son has spent his weekend doing, and with whom.

Holding back now will only make it harder for you to talk to people later. That big hurdle of getting the words out will only get bigger the longer you leave the news to fester.

You are only depriving yourself of comfort and support by keeping quiet.

I’m assuming your daughter is in Years 10 to 13 - you know, that time when teenagers explore relationships, don’t commit, can two-time. This sounds like your husband, OP. Throw the teenager back; as Judge Judy would say, he’s only partly cooked. Leave your reject to OW: he now has form and is no prize.
I’ve been thinking of you all day and hope you gain in strength. Sending comfort and love.
X

Okay, it’s time to stop being soggy and recognize that he and the OW have stolen your future. Get angry now. Fight to protect yourself and get what you need for yourself and your kids. Not simply what he promised but what you DESERVE. It’s going to be a fuck load more than you think. You have allowed him to get where he is. Talk to your family. Stop hiding in shame. TELL PEOPLE. You can’t do this alone.

Oh, and don’t have any conversations with his family at all. No matter how close you have been in the past, you can’t let them in on any legal information. They will always default to his side.

Op, your h thinks it's all going to be ok. Of course he does. He's a total fantasist.

When the reality of the shitscape that he has created hits home, be prepared for him to want to come back. There will be tears. Flowers. All sorts of promises.

Perhaps you will take him back.

But you will be back within a year saying he's done it again.

If you are steely, hold firm, see that solicitor, get a divorce petition sorted then you will be in a far better petition. Men like these really truly think they can have everything regardless of the immense pain they cause.

The man is a worm. How dare he cause such distress to you and your dcs?

I'd tell him mother too. I know it makes it all real when you tell other people and perhaps you feel it will scupper all chances of reconciliation because other people knowing means they will wonder why on earth you're putting up with this creep.

Sending huge hugs and love OP 🌷🌷I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Take your time, you will get through this. Huge hugs xxxxx

Be mindful of the MIL sadly they always seem to back their sons. Mine even advised I get shot of him then proceeded to take his side months later despite the double life he'd been living overseas for a long time whilst I raised out two babies.. we haven't spoken since. By all means tell her what her delightful son has gone and done and then step back - I'll bet my house somehow he will make his mother back his corner. And yes, of course he's going to make sure you and the children are looked after - get that in writing quick sharp before the guilt wears off and the reality of the situation kicks in. This new shiny OW will soon wear thin when he realises his legal situation isn't so rosy. Don't hide away and tell no one, I did that for months embarrassed by his actions and so regret not being upfront from the get go. He left out the affair(s) when telling people we'd spilt .. glossed over it all and said it was a joint decision! Practically rewritten the whole thing to make himself look better, be prepared for this as it's a classic one. Most of all get the paperwork in order and get angry. I know it's hard, he's clearly got it all planned out in his head and thinks it's done and dusted skipping off on a little getaway like you and the children mean nothing!! What's he going to do, come back next week and say he's made a terrible mistake.. too late for that sadly. Far too many of these stories popping daily on these boards, take the advice of others who have sadly also had to deal with this. Sending some love and hugs your way xx

i no your sad and its awful.
and you are grieving. your grieving for a life you thought you had. the man you did. the future you planned. hes trampled all over that. HE did.
and hes done this in the most cruel of ways op. he doesnt care for your family. noone acts so cruely
and i dont think they ever ended it. i think it only came up first time because they were shit scared after being caught and reported at work!
this is a bloke who was with this woman whilst you were struggling to work on your relationship. whilst you were putting your all into this man,this family. whilst you were loving him he was off.lying.cheating. what a sly bastard. what a horrid person.
what would you say to your daughter if she came to you in the future. her man having done this. her,with her kids and she told you
he cheated.
after an emotional cheat
never ended it
came and announced hes going away with her.
loves her.
what would you think of this man.
what would you want your dd to do
how would you comfort and help her through
would you want to chop his balls off and feed them to the fire for being such a bastard?

he my also be saying this now. but often when things settle they quickly realise they have a future too.and the whilser of the mistress come into too.she wont want to give up the lifestyle to help out the ex.
and once his guilt settles. he will also quickly realise he wants to live on his way too.
get it sorted as soon as.if someone treats you like this op you dont want them in your life.seriously you dont,
its will hurt like hell now.your in shock.in pain.
but you cna get through it.and you will
but of course you will need to heal.
but you do need to act,
dont let it settle,dont listen to anyhting he says from now on.hes lied every single second of your life for how long? nope.fuck off.
be calm but be ruthless at protecting your head.your children and your future,
get whats owed.

tell his mum. you dont need to feel a bit guuilty. its just clearly stating wahts happened. you cna do it in a dignified way.
you can tell whoever you want in the same manner
this is not your shame to carry.
but he will push his own nanrrative.he will rely on your not wanting to tell people. dont let him hide behind your kindness

Im so sorry. It gets better believe me I’ve gone through same. It takes time. Take care

I think because it's happened before perhaps you have plunged to the depths already when you started to lose your hair with all the stress, pain and grief.

You got through that.

You will get through this. You will.

It's searing pain. Shock. Severe disappointment.

But you cannot allow this to happen to you again from this man, the man who is known to be a deceitful, cruel worm.

Do not let him pull the rug from under you ever again. Start taking charge.

It really really bloody hurts but you have to make sure it doesn't happen again. Shed the sack of shit that he is.

You will glow again but not if you stay in the dark swamp of this awful man's lies, tricks and abuse. It is emotional abuse.