Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend says he can’t sleep without orgasm every night!

239 replies

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 09:00

Is that normal? It seems to me he is addicted. I’m not really interested in doing anything every single night.

Plus we have a 3 month old baby and although I was more interested before I’m not in the mood at all at the moment as I’m knackered and just want to sleep and feel a bit funny in my body. I wouldn’t mind a couple of times a week but not every single night. If I don’t want to
he will sort out himself which is not exactly endearing in itself but he never pushes or complains.

He just literally won’t sleep unless it has been played with one way or another.

OP posts:
DrMorbius · 28/02/2023 09:02

Was he like this before you took the decision that he was a good choice to have a child with?

Boxe · 28/02/2023 09:06

Ugh, I remember boys telling me when I was 14 that they’d get sore I’d I didn’t touch them.

I didn’t fall for it then, and I suggest you don’t either.

Im guessing he’s selfish and immature in other areas also?

weathervane1 · 28/02/2023 09:07

From your post title, I thought it was going to be about your partner pushing himself on you demanding sex. But then you go on to say how he's perfectly happy to sort himself out and never pushes you or complains. I'm not sure what the issue is to be honest. There are plenty of women who post on the sex and relationship boards describing how they enjoy multiple orgasms across the day. It all seems to fall within the normal spectrum of behaviour from what you have said.

unclebuck · 28/02/2023 09:08

It is hard to believe this 'blue balls' bullshit persists in 2023, it was fucking boring in the 70s. That is horrible, totally selfish.

romdowa · 28/02/2023 09:08

It's obviously a coping mechanism he's developed to help him to relax and fall asleep. Ejaculated releases endorphins that make men drowsy

audweb · 28/02/2023 09:08

If he doesn’t push or complain and is happy to see to himself what’s the issue?

LightDrizzle · 28/02/2023 09:09

He should have just cracked on sorting himself out discreetly. It’s not reasonable to expect you to “service” those needs on a daily basis.

I don’t disbelieve him though.

Bekindbekind · 28/02/2023 09:12

audweb · 28/02/2023 09:08

If he doesn’t push or complain and is happy to see to himself what’s the issue?

I agree with this.

It’s definitely within the range of normal. Sex drives vary. And from what little you say, it sounds like he’s able to address it maturely (stating a fact, but not suggesting it’s your problem or responsibility).

Xrays · 28/02/2023 09:17

audweb · 28/02/2023 09:08

If he doesn’t push or complain and is happy to see to himself what’s the issue?

I agree.

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 09:18

Ok sounds all normal then. I just wondered if it was normal to not be able to sleep without it but I guess it’s like someone mentioned it’s just part of his bedtime routine. It doesn’t help that Im up with the baby all night and he isn’t so Im too tired to play and just want to sleep when I can.

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 28/02/2023 09:18

I like an orgasm every night to go to sleep. I can sleep without it, but never quite as well tbh. If he sorts himself out what is the issue?!

ETref · 28/02/2023 09:20

audweb · 28/02/2023 09:08

If he doesn’t push or complain and is happy to see to himself what’s the issue?

I agree with this. As long as he's not pressuring you to assist in the orgasm then I don't really see an issue. He can do whatever he wants with his own body.

I read until I fall asleep, I actually struggle to drift off without reading a book. It's the same sort of thing imo. Maybe a kind of ritual or just something to relax himself enough to get to sleep.

pointythings · 28/02/2023 09:20

Orgasm is a good soporific for both men and women. If he sorts himself out without getting pushy, I don't see the problem?

Bunnyishotandcross · 28/02/2023 09:31

Buy him a jar of Horlicks..

Somebodiesmother · 28/02/2023 09:33

DrMorbius · 28/02/2023 09:02

Was he like this before you took the decision that he was a good choice to have a child with?

Why would this make him a bad father?

Relocatingrose · 28/02/2023 09:34

It's very common with ADHD! It's called hypersexuality.

The chemical after orgasm spurs on the sleepy feeling.

Does he have ADHD? He may not realise.

Botw1 · 28/02/2023 09:35

Play?

🤢🤢🤢

Somebodiesmother · 28/02/2023 09:38

Botw1 · 28/02/2023 09:35

Play?

🤢🤢🤢

Lots of people think about sex as a type of playtime.

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 09:39

@Relocatingrose funny you should say that I suspected he may have a touch of something. He hoards, starts jobs and finishes none of them, can’t sit still, has constant ideas but doesn’t ever full full them, taps his feet constantly.

OP posts:
CMO · 28/02/2023 09:47

what a wanker😂

Whataretheodds · 28/02/2023 10:00

Why isn't he doing any nights?

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 28/02/2023 10:01

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 09:00

Is that normal? It seems to me he is addicted. I’m not really interested in doing anything every single night.

Plus we have a 3 month old baby and although I was more interested before I’m not in the mood at all at the moment as I’m knackered and just want to sleep and feel a bit funny in my body. I wouldn’t mind a couple of times a week but not every single night. If I don’t want to
he will sort out himself which is not exactly endearing in itself but he never pushes or complains.

He just literally won’t sleep unless it has been played with one way or another.

As Peter Gabriel said "Jane plays with Willy, Willy's happy again" !!!

@Relocatingrose I have ADHD and I am the least hypersexual person you could imagine. I'd rather have a cat on my lap.

KvotheTheBloodless · 28/02/2023 10:04

Is he lying next to you whilst wanking? Because if so, that's really disrespectful.

If he's taking himself off to the bathroom or elsewhere, it's fine, no issue with that.

pontipinemum · 28/02/2023 10:11

I am 7 months PP and still have next to no interest/ energy for sex! DH seems to be the same, but I don't know or ask what he does in the shower.

If your BF isn't pressing you into anything you don't want to do I'd leave him to sort himself out. Unless he does pester you first then 'resorts' to sorting himself then tell him to stop pestering you!

MamOfFive · 28/02/2023 10:17

No that's not normal. I would insist he lets you have two-three nights off a week with the night wakes and gets up to the baby himself.
He'll soon get out of his weird habit.