Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend says he can’t sleep without orgasm every night!

239 replies

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 09:00

Is that normal? It seems to me he is addicted. I’m not really interested in doing anything every single night.

Plus we have a 3 month old baby and although I was more interested before I’m not in the mood at all at the moment as I’m knackered and just want to sleep and feel a bit funny in my body. I wouldn’t mind a couple of times a week but not every single night. If I don’t want to
he will sort out himself which is not exactly endearing in itself but he never pushes or complains.

He just literally won’t sleep unless it has been played with one way or another.

OP posts:
Badromancer · 28/02/2023 21:32

@figlife what Mother would allow a Man to masturbate in front of their child? It is sick.

sociallydistained · 28/02/2023 21:39

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 10:22

Yes he does it in the bed next to me and watches porn on his phone which tbh really upsets me but I’m too tired so fall asleep.

This is disgusting!! There's not a chance in hell he'd be in my bed.

figlife · 28/02/2023 21:42

Badromancer · 28/02/2023 21:32

@figlife what Mother would allow a Man to masturbate in front of their child? It is sick.

The better question is what kind of man whips his penis and porn out next to his girlfriend and baby. The woman isn't to foresee it happening

Badromancer · 28/02/2023 21:48

A disturbed one. He is sick and she is allowing it. Although I’m still not convinced this isn’t a troll judging by her blasé responses to this thread.

C1N1C · 28/02/2023 21:52

unclebuck · 28/02/2023 09:08

It is hard to believe this 'blue balls' bullshit persists in 2023, it was fucking boring in the 70s. That is horrible, totally selfish.

I have to jump in here... It has happened twice with me, it IS real and it DOES hurt! It basically happened when I got hard and then calmed down a good dozen or so times. It felt like a hernia actually and when I eventually ejaculated, there was blood in there... not a lot, but it was noticeable. It stopped hurting after that, and what surprised me was the sheer volume that came out.

Truth be told, I highly doubt 99% of guys have felt it, it really takes a prolonged, repeated hard-to-soft cycle and you don't usually get that on your average date or evening with the partner. So in short, yeah, chances are a guy is just saying it to get in your pants, but it is real.

As for the OP, he doesn't appear to be actively pushing for it... to me it seems like a habit or routine, or even a before-sleep 'comfort blanket'. It's true, it does make you sleepy after (which leads to the hated rolling over and going to bed annoyance that is stereotyped). As long as there is no pressure, there's no harm if he's happy to go off and do his own thing (although not the most 'glamorous' sadly...).

C1N1C · 28/02/2023 21:55

Sorry, just got to the other posts... ignore my last comment on him not pestering etc... what hes doing is ick!

MaggieMagpie357 · 28/02/2023 22:54

@Watchkeys I think there's clearly more going on here than the wanking issue - although with a diagnosis of ADHD he may be able to be prescribed melatonin for sleep which is obviously a much better alternative. OP has described many behaviours which link to a possible neurological disorder, a diagnosis may have many benefits for him and also the people around him.

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 01/03/2023 00:42

I feel wrong doing anything with the baby in the room, even though they are in their own cot and asleep but I know many people who have sex with a baby in the room asleep. The baby is obviously unaware and not close by. It sounds awful out loud but did a quick search of threads on here and many people own up to dtd with baby in room.

Not the issue tho it was about the frequency and the need and not wanting it all the time.

OP posts:
StarsSand · 01/03/2023 01:44

@Orangesmartie1 but you've been ok with him masturbating in the same room as your baby?

catlady4lyfe · 01/03/2023 06:17

This would give me the ick.... yuck

Tuilpmouse · 01/03/2023 07:36

Orangesmartie1 · 01/03/2023 00:42

I feel wrong doing anything with the baby in the room, even though they are in their own cot and asleep but I know many people who have sex with a baby in the room asleep. The baby is obviously unaware and not close by. It sounds awful out loud but did a quick search of threads on here and many people own up to dtd with baby in room.

Not the issue tho it was about the frequency and the need and not wanting it all the time.

But masturbating to porn is fine
next to the baby is acceptable? 🤷

Addicted2Kale · 01/03/2023 08:48

So...he respects your decision not to have sex, yet you're still complaining??

Sounds like you're trying to control him. Don't have sex when you don't want it. Absolutely. But don't vilify and undermine him either. He's helped you produce and family and is protecting and providing for you, which is more than can be said for the immature bitters here calling him selfish and invoking "blue ball" chatter. Childish. Do these people enabling this wedge in your otherwise healthy relationship, have committed men themselves??

He respects your boundaries. As he needs to. You need to respect him too and don't undermine and control him.

Addicted2Kale · 01/03/2023 08:50

Damn. Just read about the baby in the room. Yeah...err...That's wrong. He must stop doing that. Order him to go to the bathroom, because that is gross.

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 01/03/2023 09:24

Yeah @Addicted2Kale I think that’s the problem. I respect he respects my decision even though it annoys me to constantly have to say I don’t feel like it all the time lately. I think it’s because it’s next to me in the bed and I am awake. The baby is 3 months and in a cot no way near him and is asleep and it’s dark but still feels weird. But then we have dtd in the room whilst the baby is asleep so I guess that is also wrong. The baby obviously has absolutely no idea.

OP posts:
Badromancer · 01/03/2023 09:57

Orangesmartie1 · 01/03/2023 09:24

Yeah @Addicted2Kale I think that’s the problem. I respect he respects my decision even though it annoys me to constantly have to say I don’t feel like it all the time lately. I think it’s because it’s next to me in the bed and I am awake. The baby is 3 months and in a cot no way near him and is asleep and it’s dark but still feels weird. But then we have dtd in the room whilst the baby is asleep so I guess that is also wrong. The baby obviously has absolutely no idea.

Why are you justifying and enabling this behaviour?

He wants sex, you don’t. That’s fine.
He respects that you don’t want it & doesn’t pressure you. Great.

Lying in bed watching porn and wanking next to you.
Doing it every single night.
Making you feel uncomfortable and upset.
Disrespecting you.
Not so great. Not what happens in a healthy relationship.

You not telling him how you feel. Not communicating your feelings. Why?

Masturbating in the same room as his child - disturbing. How can he even be aroused and wank in front of a baby? This is not the norm.

God help that child.

Mamamia32 · 01/03/2023 10:18

I think you should be able to communicate to him that if he wants to watch porn, you would rather he do it in another room and not next to you in bed. I'm not so disturbed about the baby being asleep in the same room, as you say many couples have sex with a sleeping baby in the room. It is weird to have a wank next to someone else who isn't participating at all, I couldn't do it next to my partner if he wasn't joining in.

You need to think about why you haven't been able to tell him that you don't like it. You should be able to talk about these things in a relationship.

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 01/03/2023 10:25

@Mamamia32 that’s what I feel is odd, doing it next to someone who isn’t joining in and has said they just want a cuddle and to sleep as they tired. The problem is then during the cuddle he gets “excited”, god knows how when I feel rubbish. He can’t then get to sleep. I think at that point he should leave the room, I’d still know what he was going to do though but at least Won’t be next to me.

He just has bedtime associated with “adult” time and whether I was present or not or wearing a bin bag he would still need to do it. It doesn’t really have anything to do with me it’s just part of his routine.

OP posts:
randomuser2019 · 01/03/2023 10:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

BadNomad · 01/03/2023 10:35

It's part of his routine and probably has been for more years than you've been together. Because it is normal for him, he's not going to realise you might have issues with it. Especially because you have never said anything before. You need to talk to him. If the purpose of it is to help him sleep, jerking off in the bathroom then having to come to bed to settle down won't work.

He's going to have to either sleep somewhere else, or find an alternative way to relax enough to sleep.

GoldDuster · 01/03/2023 10:36

It doesn’t really have anything to do with me it’s just part of his routine.

Ok, even if you don't feel that being aroused and having to watch porn and wank yourself off next to your Mrs who's just had a baby, and the baby itself, is unreasonable, you're still left with the fact that he comes to bed and fucks about and it means you can't sleep.

If he decided that he needed to do, god knows, let's say, seven star jumps as part of his routine before he could get to sleep, he needs to be doing them eleswhere, not at the end of the bed. And if the star jumps were upsetting you, you would need to tell him and ask him to do them in the lounge.

Does that make sense OP?

Alternatively, you lie there and grit your teeth in silence, while he gleefully knocks one out next to you every night. Because he's a nice person. 🤔

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 01/03/2023 10:39

@GoldDuster yes I understand. It’s something he has done probably for many years and it’s his normal but it’s not mine so I need to say it upsets me as currently he doesn’t know it does.

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 01/03/2023 10:40

DrMorbius · 28/02/2023 09:02

Was he like this before you took the decision that he was a good choice to have a child with?

I've got as far as this first response.
What a snarky question. Would you ask this of a friend who came to you with advice?

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 01/03/2023 10:41

It’s giving me the ick

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 01/03/2023 10:46

Orangesmartie1 · 01/03/2023 10:39

@GoldDuster yes I understand. It’s something he has done probably for many years and it’s his normal but it’s not mine so I need to say it upsets me as currently he doesn’t know it does.

Before you had the baby, what was his nightly routine? Did you ever not fancy dealing with his persistent erection when you got in bed, or did you just deal with it every night so you could get a bit of peace?

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 01/03/2023 10:48

@GoldDuster we never went to bed really at the same time weekdays until his hours changed at work. He went to bed much later then me and must have either been quiet or done downstairs

OP posts: