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Original poster

Boyfriend says he can’t sleep without orgasm every night!

239 replies

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 09:00

Is that normal? It seems to me he is addicted. I’m not really interested in doing anything every single night.

Plus we have a 3 month old baby and although I was more interested before I’m not in the mood at all at the moment as I’m knackered and just want to sleep and feel a bit funny in my body. I wouldn’t mind a couple of times a week but not every single night. If I don’t want to
he will sort out himself which is not exactly endearing in itself but he never pushes or complains.

He just literally won’t sleep unless it has been played with one way or another.

OP posts:
sentientpuddle · 28/02/2023 12:22

romdowa · 28/02/2023 09:08

It's obviously a coping mechanism he's developed to help him to relax and fall asleep. Ejaculated releases endorphins that make men drowsy

Er, and women!!

helpmedothings · 28/02/2023 12:22

I used to be like that, needed the serotonin to fall asleep! 5htp/tryptophan/St John's wort (OTC supplements, but also prescribed in medical dosages) sorted me out

Watchkeys · 28/02/2023 12:23

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 10:22

Yes he does it in the bed next to me and watches porn on his phone which tbh really upsets me but I’m too tired so fall asleep.

If you've told him you don't like it, then he's being disrespectful to you. He wants a wank in bed, so who cares about your feelings, right?

Are you happy that he watches porn and wanks every day anyway, even if it's not in front of you? Isn't he just wildly turning you off with all this?

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 12:23

Not that it makes it better but there is no sound on, I can’t tell what he’s watching, I only know because I can see the phone screen light.

OP posts:
Velvian · 28/02/2023 12:25

He needs to go in the bathroom and not talk to you about it.

What a needy baby. It must be so unattractive. I don't think I could continue a relationship with someone like that. 🤢

Naunet · 28/02/2023 12:26

Ugh, this is so disrespectful. Is he really so painfully thick and self centred that he thinks there’s nothing wrong with wanking in bed next to his girlfriend who recently gave birth, over other women? He’s disgusting.

randomuser2019 · 28/02/2023 12:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 12:27

No @Watchkeys I’ve not told him I don’t like it, Before the baby it didn’t really happen as I wasn’t tired and feeling a bit ugly and heavier, I’m not bothered what he does in private (as long as he isn’t cheating mind you)

OP posts:
Naunet · 28/02/2023 12:28

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 12:27

No @Watchkeys I’ve not told him I don’t like it, Before the baby it didn’t really happen as I wasn’t tired and feeling a bit ugly and heavier, I’m not bothered what he does in private (as long as he isn’t cheating mind you)

Why haven’t you told him? What’s stopping you?

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 12:28

@randomuser2019 it does feel grim if I’m awake and know what’s happening.

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 12:29

@Naunet ive been feeling a bit guilty I keep saying no as I’m just tired and not in the mood. He says I’m sexy but currently I really don’t feel it.

OP posts:
Greenfairydust · 28/02/2023 12:31

To me this comes across as really immature and a turn off.

Naunet · 28/02/2023 12:32

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 12:29

@Naunet ive been feeling a bit guilty I keep saying no as I’m just tired and not in the mood. He says I’m sexy but currently I really don’t feel it.

You would feel guilty to tell him to stop wanking over other women when he’s in the bed next to you, a woman who just gave birth to his baby?!

You just gave birth, you have NOTHING to feel bad or guilty about, it is perfectly natural that you don’t want sex right now. Why do you feel like you owe him sex, but he doesn’t owe you peace and support? Please try to value your needs just as highly as you value his desires.

GoldDuster · 28/02/2023 12:33

Babes, it feels grim if you're alseep and he's lying there knocking one out next to you and the baby watching porn. It doesn't matter if the sound is off, wanking has noises involved, it's not silent.

Do you lie there pretending to be asleep and waiting for him to finish and shuffle about with the clean up?

Do you feel you could say that you're not ok with it and he needs to deal with it in another room so it's not waking you up?

It would be similarly as rude if he was coming to bed every night and doing some in bed yoga while watching the class online, stretching and wobbling about and heaving and sighing. He would do that elsewhere and then get in bed so as to least disturb you and the baby if he was being reasonable.

Even if you take the sex/porn aspect away, he's being rude.

afinishedkiss · 28/02/2023 12:34

Tell him to lie on his stomach, that should keep it down.

Watchkeys · 28/02/2023 12:35

Ok. Sit down with him and say that you don't want to have sex every night, and him initiating all the time is bothering you. Tell him you'll initiate for the next xyz amount of months, and ask him not to. Tell him that you feel disrespected if he watches porn and/or wanks in bed next to you.

You need to make your feelings clear because he hasn't guessed them. You're right that he's quite innocent; he's very naive indeed if he thinks it's ok.

Feeling guilty suggests that you think you're obliged to offer him sex, whether you want it or not. Why would you feel that way? Where does that come from?

bussteward · 28/02/2023 12:35

GoldDuster · 28/02/2023 12:33

Babes, it feels grim if you're alseep and he's lying there knocking one out next to you and the baby watching porn. It doesn't matter if the sound is off, wanking has noises involved, it's not silent.

Do you lie there pretending to be asleep and waiting for him to finish and shuffle about with the clean up?

Do you feel you could say that you're not ok with it and he needs to deal with it in another room so it's not waking you up?

It would be similarly as rude if he was coming to bed every night and doing some in bed yoga while watching the class online, stretching and wobbling about and heaving and sighing. He would do that elsewhere and then get in bed so as to least disturb you and the baby if he was being reasonable.

Even if you take the sex/porn aspect away, he's being rude.

Yes! This! Plus at some point the baby will be enjoying sleep regressions and becoming more conscious of noise and surroundings, what’s he going to do then?

butterfliedtwo · 28/02/2023 12:37

he will sort out himself which is not exactly endearing in itself but he never pushes or complains.

What's the problem then? It helps me de-stress and relax. I get it, and I'm a woman. As long as he doesn't pester, I don't see the issue tbh.

Naunet · 28/02/2023 12:37

butterfliedtwo · 28/02/2023 12:37

he will sort out himself which is not exactly endearing in itself but he never pushes or complains.

What's the problem then? It helps me de-stress and relax. I get it, and I'm a woman. As long as he doesn't pester, I don't see the issue tbh.

Try reading her other posts for answers to your question.

soboredoflooking · 28/02/2023 12:38

Well let him get on with it. I wouldn't say it's normal it's maybe become his normal! He does it every night so wants u to help him instead. He'd be told where to go especially with a 3 month old baby! I'd also be telling him to go to bathroom. I would not be having him doing that next to me in bed 🤮

butterfliedtwo · 28/02/2023 12:38

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 10:22

Yes he does it in the bed next to me and watches porn on his phone which tbh really upsets me but I’m too tired so fall asleep.

Yes, that changes everything. Ugh. That's not OK.

Aquarelles · 28/02/2023 12:38

My ex DP used to do this. If I said no to sex, he would just wank off next to me in bed. I never understood how he could get sexually aroused or orgasm when lying next to someone who was very clearly not in the mood. It gave me the ick, big time.

randomuser2019 · 28/02/2023 12:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

GoldDuster · 28/02/2023 12:42

he does it in the bed next to me and watches porn on his phone which tbh really upsets me

I would have some questions for a man who could prioritise his erection when there was an upset new mother in the bed next to him.

GoldDuster · 28/02/2023 12:42

.... and his baby next to her.