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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend says he can’t sleep without orgasm every night!

239 replies

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 09:00

Is that normal? It seems to me he is addicted. I’m not really interested in doing anything every single night.

Plus we have a 3 month old baby and although I was more interested before I’m not in the mood at all at the moment as I’m knackered and just want to sleep and feel a bit funny in my body. I wouldn’t mind a couple of times a week but not every single night. If I don’t want to
he will sort out himself which is not exactly endearing in itself but he never pushes or complains.

He just literally won’t sleep unless it has been played with one way or another.

OP posts:
BreviloquentBastard · 28/02/2023 10:51

Having a high sex drive and liking the endorphin release to relax before bed? Totally fine and normal. A good O really can help you drift off.

Pestering his recently post partum girlfriend for sex every night and then watching porn and wanking in bed next to her and his newborn child? Absolutely minging.

Tell this grot to either go wank in the bathroom like a normal person or fuck off and find somewhere else to act like a horny 17 year old boy.

figlife · 28/02/2023 10:52

GoldDuster · 28/02/2023 10:26

He's lying next to a new mother and the newborn baby wanking and watching porn while you're trying to sleep?

Has happened to me too, it was awful. Lying in bed with baby breastfeeding. He always thought I was asleep. It's vile

figlife · 28/02/2023 10:54

I think you need a serious chat op, this is not ok. Don't put up with this just because he's 'helpful', is grim

Guis · 28/02/2023 10:54

Peculiar attitude. Like something out of the past. Centuries ago.
And very very horrible to lie next to you watching porn etc.
I know you are tired but you need to be very clear to him that this is not to continue.
I know he should leave the bed but frankly, if it is too hard to get him to move then I would.
My dear his behaviour is truly dreadful.

Original poster
Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 10:55

I will be having a word, it’s not nice.

OP posts:
Relocatingrose · 28/02/2023 10:56

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 10:22

Yes he does it in the bed next to me and watches porn on his phone which tbh really upsets me but I’m too tired so fall asleep.

Ew OK. No gross!!!

Relocatingrose · 28/02/2023 10:56

I mean that's gross

Badbudgeter · 28/02/2023 10:56

I'd suggest he takes matters into his own hands tbh. I'd also mention that mothers who are well rested and arent running themselves ragged are far more likely to be up for a shag.

Bunnyishotandcross · 28/02/2023 10:56

If my dh was wanking next to me he would be an exh. It is surely a private hobby? Unless part of joint sexually activity!

GoldDuster · 28/02/2023 10:57

DarkShade · 28/02/2023 10:44

Unless by 'a few more years on him' you mean that he is 13 years old, he is too old to be watching porn and wanking in bed next to a new mum.

Quite.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 28/02/2023 11:12

A hefty tweak of the testicles with the washing tongs - picture attached for the younger (I was going to say members!) people here - should take his mind off it for a night. If you do this on subsequent nights I am pretty sure that he will stop asking.

Boyfriend says he can’t sleep without orgasm every night!
TheySeeMeRowling · 28/02/2023 11:18

Shouldn’t you have had that conversation with him before you had a baby together?

LlynTegid · 28/02/2023 11:21

Not normal, especially in front of you. Quietly disappearing say into the bathroom might be OK, not what you describe.

purpledalmation · 28/02/2023 11:28

Probably he has a bit of ADHD and the orgasm just clears his overactive mind babble.

MaggieMagpie357 · 28/02/2023 11:28

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 09:39

@Relocatingrose funny you should say that I suspected he may have a touch of something. He hoards, starts jobs and finishes none of them, can’t sit still, has constant ideas but doesn’t ever full full them, taps his feet constantly.

What you've described here are some of the classic ADHD characteristics. Although that doesn't mean that wanking next to you in bed every night is ok. I mean, who does that?! Really grim and completely disrespectful.

mintyclint · 28/02/2023 11:30

Such hogwash.

lots of men and women like to wank before asleep sleep.

Maria1982 · 28/02/2023 11:31

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 09:18

Ok sounds all normal then. I just wondered if it was normal to not be able to sleep without it but I guess it’s like someone mentioned it’s just part of his bedtime routine. It doesn’t help that Im up with the baby all night and he isn’t so Im too tired to play and just want to sleep when I can.

We’ll see there is a different issue here (sorry I know you didn’t ask). Why are you up with baby all night and he’s not ?? Yes you may be breastfeeding but he can jolly well help - wind baby, change baby, settle baby to sleep!

BeExcellent2EachOther · 28/02/2023 11:35

If he can't sleep then he an leave you to sleep and deal with the baby's night wakings can't he? Then he can knock one out in the bathroom and come to bed and crash out.

Watching porn and wanking next to you as you try to sleep is so disrespectful, I'm surprised you'd ever want to have sex with him again.

SproutingAbout · 28/02/2023 11:37

mintyclint · 28/02/2023 11:30

Such hogwash.

lots of men and women like to wank before asleep sleep.

Lying next to their DP who's has recently given birth, while watching porn? After pestering her for sex?

Nah.

SproutingAbout · 28/02/2023 11:39

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 10:43

He is helpful he isn’t as awful as he sounds. He gets up very early so can’t really do much at night. I have another child also. He is quite innocent really I’ve a few more years on him.

I'm 11 years older than DH, we met when he was 20, and he wouldn't dream of doing this.

Tuilpmouse · 28/02/2023 11:41

Orangesmartie1 · 28/02/2023 10:22

Yes he does it in the bed next to me and watches porn on his phone which tbh really upsets me but I’m too tired so fall asleep.

Ok, that puts a completely different perspective on things, and is just disgusting. If he needs a release, he can go do it discreetly like any normal decent man would.

mintyclint · 28/02/2023 11:42

BeExcellent2EachOther · 28/02/2023 11:35

If he can't sleep then he an leave you to sleep and deal with the baby's night wakings can't he? Then he can knock one out in the bathroom and come to bed and crash out.

Watching porn and wanking next to you as you try to sleep is so disrespectful, I'm surprised you'd ever want to have sex with him again.

I was referring to the ADHD and It being connected to his delinquent behaviour.

I don’t condone his actions but let’s not start diagnosing someone that we’re not qualified to do.

Nicecow · 28/02/2023 11:43

BreviloquentBastard · 28/02/2023 10:51

Having a high sex drive and liking the endorphin release to relax before bed? Totally fine and normal. A good O really can help you drift off.

Pestering his recently post partum girlfriend for sex every night and then watching porn and wanking in bed next to her and his newborn child? Absolutely minging.

Tell this grot to either go wank in the bathroom like a normal person or fuck off and find somewhere else to act like a horny 17 year old boy.

This

GoldDuster · 28/02/2023 11:44

mintyclint · 28/02/2023 11:30

Such hogwash.

lots of men and women like to wank before asleep sleep.

I would say that perhaps more men and women don't like their partner pestering them for sex when they've just had a human exit their body, are exhausted and hormonal.

Neither do they like it when the sex pest then lies next to them and the baby while they wank themselves off to some porn, then rolls over and go to sleep.

I don't think that's it, for most people.

gamerchick · 28/02/2023 11:45

Gross. Tell him you don't want him wanking to porn in bed next to you anymore so can he kindly piss off to a other room.

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