Husband is lying I'm sure...what do I do?

[scaredofdoingitallwrong]

My husband and I have been together 17 years and have 2 children 11 and 14.

He's recently started a new job and told me he had to away for training on Friday / Saturday 2 hours away. No issues, I'm often by myself with the kids. Then Friday afternoon he called me to say he was late arriving as were some other people and he'd have to stay Saturday night too as they'd finish the training on Sunday.

This seemed a bit weird to me. He sent me a photo from where he supposedly was on Saturday. I did check and the location was right.
Then 8am on Sunday he sent me a photo of the training course. Only it was a screenshot, no metadata attached.

I looked again at the deleted photo from Saturday and it was taken 10 days previously.

When he got home on Sunday I confronted him about these photos and asked him what was going on. He seemed a bit flustered and admitted the photo was not taken on Saturday and he didn't know why he did it. He showed me his photo on his phone and one was a hotel lobby looking one where he said they'd got coffee. When I asked to look at the details the location was 30 minutes from our house in a different direction to where he said he was 2+ hours away and taken at 9:30 Saturday morning.

He had no explanation for that other than the phone was wrong and that was taken on Friday. He then got really cross and started shouting and one of the kids came in.

When I asked again to see the photo as it was eating me up he would let me touch his phone and he had deleted the metadata. Although he claims he hadn't. I told him I just wanted an explanation. He threatened one of his "tantrums" if I carried on talking about it. So I dropped it as I'm in shock.

Our marriage has been very up and down for years, mainly due to different sex drives. It's very down at the moment, we're basically just living in the same house.

In the last 12 months or so he has started working away at weekends occasionally which I had initially joked meant he was having an affair. He's stopped even trying to initiate sex for 8 months since we had a massive argument on holiday.

He's either having an affair or going to orgies or something isn't he? I need to speak to a solicitor don't I ?

I mean it’s easy to do by mistake.

Marriages with differing libidos tend to mostly end up at the same place. People build up resentment, relationship becomes cohabiting, often with tension. And the person with libido (more often a man) tries to stick around to not lose out on seeing his kids grow up - by taking care of his physical needs somewhere else.
It’s not fair; not how we want it to be; not what romance books talk about when woman meets the One…. Etc

In your place - I’d try to figure out what you actually want OP. And what is possible given your circumstances.
Typically - here on MN you’ll be told - not your fault for not wanting sex. True.
Also - you will be better on your own - Not always true. Or not necessarily true without preparation and planning.
Anything is possible in the long term.
But do start with your own self-realisation of what you want.
(plenty of women actually do ‘outsource’ sex to others if they don’t want to have it with their H’s. Some - knowingly, but it’s hard. Many - by hiding head in the sand)

As to divorce. Financially it’s pretty standard - you mostly split assets 50/50. And unless H is an extremely high earner - you don’t get spousal.
Most women have sacrificed some career to take care of kids. Most do lose out in lifestyle in divorce. Sadly.

Good luck.

OP do you have any updates?

If he makes you more unhappy than he makes you happy it's time to split and get your life back on track. Cheating is a symptom of a problem. Be kind to yourself.