He only wants to get married after a drink

[squaresc]

DP has proposed a few times whilst drunk, but when he's sober he won't talk about it. I've gently broached the subject asking things like "are we still engaged" and "should we talk about this sober?" He just gets a bit stressed and the conversation tapers off.

He's asked my ring size before but no sign of a ring.

We've been together 5 years, in the process of buying a house and planning on TTC once we've moved.

He's almost 40, he (sober) had told me previously that he was planning on proposing at the end of last year. Why is it so hard?

Fantastic news 👏

Wishing you all the best

Good for you OP. Have just found your thread and I'm so pleased that you have refused to settle for less than you deserve.

Onwards and upwards - and wishing you and smooth and speedy purchase.

Ps. Now that you have told him, be prepared for pleas and promises of change / marriage straightaway /unending love etc etc. And if that doesn't work - nastiness.

He may be desperate when he realises he's going to lose his free childcare and live-in financial contributor who also does housework.

Don't fall for any of it. Grey rock all the way.

So pleased for you.

You should be enormously proud of yourself.

So many young women fail to see the bigger picture and ruin their lives being used by old losers like him.

Keep him in the dark as much as possible.

You owe him zero.

How did he tske it?

Oh and definitely be ready for some pleadings and promises.

Get everything important to you out of the house today and move out as quickly as you can.

I wouldn't be surprised if he turns nasty, selfish people usually do.

Good luck @squaresc

Come on OP, if he wanted to get married he would have proposed already. The second you buy a house and or have a child with this man, your leverage is gone.

Actions speak louder than words and his actions speak volumes, are you really listening?

I reached out to Women's Aid this morning that have given me some resources which is good.

I don't know what he thought when I told him. There were a few 'buts' and more pushing the blame onto me. I've been a lot less tolerant of his behaviour and stopped trying to be 'good'. So now he thinks it's all me.

He left quite soon after the conversation to take his DD to school (on the bus!). I think it was pretty clear that he doesn't actually want to be with me now, he isn't asking for help with anything now. If he would've given me a break before I probably wouldn't have gotten to the end of my tether so I'm fine with his timing. I'm glad I didn't leave another job for him. He has shown he can do the school run without me and my car.

He probably thought not asking you for help would bring you to heel, but it hasn't.

Men like him are so consumed by having things their way, that suit them, that it is genuine difficult for them to think about anyone other than themselves.

Hence you have men like asking ex's to still mind their children as they wish to continue to avoid parenting.

You are so young and so well out of this situation.

You will look back at this time and think WTF!!! was I thinking.

Doing the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk would be a wonderful opportunity for you to grow and protect yourself into the future.

You can only say these words if you mean them. You have called his bluff and he may or may not come back with a ring and a proposal, but it doesn’t really matter now. You would not have got to this point if he genuinely wanted to marry you and have kids with you. If a man loves you and wants to marry you and have children with you, you know it because he will buy you the ring, he will propose, and he’ll start creating the life you want together, and he’ll do all of that without booze, without nagging or prompting, without withdrawing or lying or future faking, because it will be what he wants too. Treat yourself as your most prized possession and stop giving yourself away to people who aren’t worthy of you.

I suspect you may get the quiet or sulking treatment.

Not long now hopefully.

How are you OP? Hope things are going well

Yes he's been good actually. Not too nice, but also not unkind or bad. He knows I'm looking at properties and had an offer accepted.

Vendor's solicitors have been rubbish, getting to the point where I'm looking at other properties because we should've exchanged already.

Family are now wanting to move away from the area because of a bereavement and now we've not got any ties to the area anymore. So I suppose I'll find somewhere else, as it would just be me and I'm trying to avoid being away from family.

Thats a blessing the vendors are annoying if your family are moving.

If you think you will be happier living near to them, then do that.

Find another house. Stay strong.

I hope things move along more quickly for you. I am so happy for you for getting yourself out of that mess. You have a whole wonderful life ahead of you.