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Relationships

Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

1000 replies

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/02/2023 13:40

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

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Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/02/2023 13:41

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

  1. Develop a thick skin.
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  4. Trust your gut instinct.
  5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  6. Know your worth.
  7. If it's not fun, stop.
  8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.
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Mila14 · 18/02/2023 14:01

Checking in
Saw message deleted by MSNHQ. I guess it was a nasty one.
I can say a bit how it was for me. It took me 2 years to introduce MrEx to DC. Then we would do things out, like going for lunch or walk in nature etc with him. Year 3 he met some of my family. Year 4, kids slept at his place and he entertained them really but we did that seldom and always on the context of entertaining everyone. Hard work.
This second time round they know I see him again, but I am in no hurry of getting everyone together. I will wait although my DD is looking forward to seeing him again. He has been always lovely with the kids and they like him enormously. My kids a have never met anyone else but him since I separated from XH.
For what is worth, teen girls are very OK with mom having her own life in my experience. I get all the gossip from the boys she likes too. I am sure Eeky has a close deep relationship with her DD so I think you do what works for you my only issue here is how much do you know about Mr Pottery? Family? His kids? His job place? I don’t know. I like to know enough before mixing. And even now that we are back together…I am still keeping a no mix policy until I know how we get on

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BaddogGooddoggy · 18/02/2023 14:49

Thanks for the new thread. I hope this will be a luckier, kinder, more supportive one.

@eeksteek only you know your DD and your relationship with her. In your shoes I think I would introduce them on neutral ground before having him to stay over with her in the house, so she can ask questions etc and get her head around these changes. They are significant for her, however much she may seem disengaged and in her own world. Good luck!

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nevertakeadvicefromsomeonewhosfallingapart · 18/02/2023 15:00

Thanks for the new thread.

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VanillaSox · 18/02/2023 18:25

Thank you for the new thread loveliest people xx

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Definitelycross · 18/02/2023 22:32

Hello 👋

I'm off the apps for now. Had a message last night from a guy I've been chatting to for ages. We are over 3 hours away from each other.

But he said something that I took great exception to (context wasn't right - that is we were having a normal conversation and he went OTT sexual) so I've blocked him now too.

I've deleted all my previous irons numbers and conversations and it feels good.

Not sure how long it'll last but I feel 100 times better just now.

I'll probably end up alone with 200 cats but I'm really trying to keep that self esteem high.

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LaBaby72 · 18/02/2023 22:59

Can I join this thread, I’m just dipping my toe in the water eating again and have one lined up for tomorrow night - is that what you class as a potential iron?!

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Mila14 · 19/02/2023 10:45

LaBaby72 · 18/02/2023 22:59

Can I join this thread, I’m just dipping my toe in the water eating again and have one lined up for tomorrow night - is that what you class as a potential iron?!

Welcome! Yes potential iron…what will you name him?

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Mila14 · 19/02/2023 11:24

Definitelycross · 18/02/2023 22:32

Hello 👋

I'm off the apps for now. Had a message last night from a guy I've been chatting to for ages. We are over 3 hours away from each other.

But he said something that I took great exception to (context wasn't right - that is we were having a normal conversation and he went OTT sexual) so I've blocked him now too.

I've deleted all my previous irons numbers and conversations and it feels good.

Not sure how long it'll last but I feel 100 times better just now.

I'll probably end up alone with 200 cats but I'm really trying to keep that self esteem high.

It’s such a relief to rest a bit after serial OLD… I felt the same when I stopped. Just necessary to clear your mind really. Nothing wrong with having lovely cats !! Just focus on the divorce issue now so you can relax after all this malarkey is done with

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LuckyLinda3 · 19/02/2023 18:09

Hello all 🖐. Have been thinking some more about our sex issue after an incident this morning. We were at a party last night and it was a late one. This morning we were being intimate and I couldnt help but notice that he wasnt really hard enough. We lay cuddling and I didn't mention anything but im starting to wonder as we really didnt have this issue before. He is 53 and I know has had a very stressful week, issue with one of his sons, and has had 2 nights out drinking this weekend. I'm not sure if I should broach the issue again or what to say. I've even started to become a little paranoid even though I know I have no reason to. I want to be sensitive and respectful in any event. Any suggestions??

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Mila14 · 19/02/2023 19:39

LuckyLinda3 · 19/02/2023 18:09

Hello all 🖐. Have been thinking some more about our sex issue after an incident this morning. We were at a party last night and it was a late one. This morning we were being intimate and I couldnt help but notice that he wasnt really hard enough. We lay cuddling and I didn't mention anything but im starting to wonder as we really didnt have this issue before. He is 53 and I know has had a very stressful week, issue with one of his sons, and has had 2 nights out drinking this weekend. I'm not sure if I should broach the issue again or what to say. I've even started to become a little paranoid even though I know I have no reason to. I want to be sensitive and respectful in any event. Any suggestions??

This is a difficult one …I’m bracing myself for this to happen to me too. Mr Ex is 55…I think what he does is not to get on a sexy way when he’s very stressed or when he drinks a bit more. When he’s with me he controls the drinking to be honest. I think it’s nothing to worry about if he was not trying to have sex. If he was trying …it’s not good and it’s better just to cuddle and not go into deflated chipolata territory.
This must be a one off on account of all his stress and alcohol. Don’t worry and I would not say anything for the moment

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LuckyLinda3 · 19/02/2023 19:49

Thanks @mila, I'm just more aware since he mentioned "needing breaks" when we were away. Dont think it was breaks in one session, more days between sessions. Our physical relationship is so good I selfishly dont want that to change. Maybe I'll just see how things go in next few weeks as you say.

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Tuilpmouse · 19/02/2023 20:28

LuckyLinda3 · 19/02/2023 18:09

Hello all 🖐. Have been thinking some more about our sex issue after an incident this morning. We were at a party last night and it was a late one. This morning we were being intimate and I couldnt help but notice that he wasnt really hard enough. We lay cuddling and I didn't mention anything but im starting to wonder as we really didnt have this issue before. He is 53 and I know has had a very stressful week, issue with one of his sons, and has had 2 nights out drinking this weekend. I'm not sure if I should broach the issue again or what to say. I've even started to become a little paranoid even though I know I have no reason to. I want to be sensitive and respectful in any event. Any suggestions??

I'm not sure this is an issue any more than a woman being 'ready for sex' each and every time a man is wanting to get intimate, especially after a heavy night and a stressful week...

If you're expecting someone his age to be always ready for action irrespective of circumstances, then you're doomed to disappointment... He's not in his 20s any more!

Also, try and imagine how it would appear if the male/female roles were reversed here!

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Garysmum · 19/02/2023 20:31

Well my dating week has been a complete shambles.

Mr Accidental ghosted me after 3 months of daily messaging (and less frequent calls.) I haven’t bothered sending a message after I replied to the last one in
the convo.
Mr Golf resumed normal service arranged meet 2 and saw him yesterday. We chat for hours in person and seem to get on well. Lots of laughter. But he hasn’t made a move yet- we’ve had a morning and afternoon date ending in very public places. He’s a bit old fashioned but I assumed he would have done something by now unless he was mirroring my body language.
And Mr Nurse works shifts. Again met for a second time. but night shifts not necessarily good for texting!
I’ve also had several possible irons just vanish in the chat phase. I loathe online messaging as it’s mostly lame crap.

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LuckyLinda3 · 19/02/2023 20:58

@Tuilpmouse thanks for your reply. To be clear I have never had any expectations, things just happen or dont and I've never made any comment. We are very intimate and physical in other ways. As I said I want to be sensitive if there is an issue. Its nothing to do with roles being reversed but rather that we have open communication if there are issues and that I for my part be supportive and understanding. We both enjoy what we have physically and im sure both want that to continue.

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OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 19/02/2023 22:21

Thanks for the new thread @Thisisworsethananticpated 🙏

Glad your are enjoying your OLD detox @Definitelycross

That's interesting to know @Mila14 how long it was before MrEx met your kids (ages!)

Hope you have had a good weekend @Eeksteek whichever decision you made re MrPottery sleepover or not.

I'm not long back from a heavenly 24 hours with MrMaker. Most spent in bed but pub lunch and a walk too. We are 10000000% in love with each other. I met his sibling. He still appears to be my doppelgänger in a male body and thinks I'm lush.

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NoDatingForOldMen · 19/02/2023 22:41

LuckyLinda3 · 19/02/2023 18:09

Hello all 🖐. Have been thinking some more about our sex issue after an incident this morning. We were at a party last night and it was a late one. This morning we were being intimate and I couldnt help but notice that he wasnt really hard enough. We lay cuddling and I didn't mention anything but im starting to wonder as we really didnt have this issue before. He is 53 and I know has had a very stressful week, issue with one of his sons, and has had 2 nights out drinking this weekend. I'm not sure if I should broach the issue again or what to say. I've even started to become a little paranoid even though I know I have no reason to. I want to be sensitive and respectful in any event. Any suggestions??

I’m the same age (53), I’m long & short sighted, have arthritis & a slight heart issue, probably been having sex for about 35 years, my sexual performance is certainly not what is was 35 years ago, nor is my eyesight or fitness, hopefully these days it’s more quality or quantity, as i honestly cannot manage the quantity.

things like stress and drinking absolutely wipe me out, after a night out on the town I’m not fit for not much for a couple of days now , all would these affect my performance in the bedroom and the reduce the desire for sex.

I think if you wanted to mention or, maybe position the conversation from a “ is everything okay with you “, POV, rather than “ I’ve noticed your erections are a bit soft “,

Good luck 🤞

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LuckyLinda3 · 19/02/2023 22:52

Thank you @NoDatingForOldMen, appreciate a male perspective. That makes sense to me. Sex is only part of our relationship albeit a very pleasurable part for both of us and I'd be very happy to have quality over quantity. I will say nothing for now but if needs be I'll go with your suggestion of asking in a general sense if alls ok with him.

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Eeksteek · 19/02/2023 23:30

I went for the sleepover. I still don’t see the big deal. If it’s safe for me if she were at away overnight, it’s safe for me while she’s here. If it’s safe for her until midnight, it’s safe for her after. Midnight isn’t magic. If it’s safe for her, it’s safe for her friend. It isn’t going going to traumatise her to see her mum having a healthy relationship. There is no magic number of months after which a relationship won’t ever end. Breakups are also a normal part of life and have to accepted and coping mechanisms modelled. She’ll have her own soon enough. I can’t see the harm, and I don’t think this ‘keep it from the children’ approach is healthy for us. I fully accept that other people aren’t comfortable and that’s fine. But I’m still not seeing the actual risk, only people’s feelings (which are absolutely valid) It’s the tack I have taken with sex and death (age appropriate, no nonsense explanations, with full acceptance and support of her feelings) and this seems no different.

If I’m dating in a healthy way, there’s no reason she shouldn’t see it. (If I’m dating in an unhealthy way, we have bigger problems. But I’m not. It’s my first relationship in ten years). We all had a lovely time. My sides ache from laughing. The kids loved him. She doesn’t see it as any different to any of my my other friends that we go and stay with, or that stay here because they live far away. I didn’t see that, until I asked her how she felt about him staying over, and she just doesn’t care. Why should she? It’s ME thinking it’s a huge deal, not her.

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nevertakeadvicefromsomeonewhosfallingapart · 20/02/2023 00:10

@Eeksteek that's brilliant, I'm glad you had a good time, that everyone had a good time. I agree with you, it's important to model healthy relationships and also normal life. There's never a guarantee that a partner don't walk away, whether after one month, one year, ten years, you can only go with your gut feeling, which you did. Good for you😊

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OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 20/02/2023 07:39

Nice work @Eeksteek I was secretly hoping you'd go for it and glad you all had a wonderful time. That's a great milestone ☑️ for you as can have MrPottery to your more often now.

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Mila14 · 20/02/2023 08:04

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 19/02/2023 22:21

Thanks for the new thread @Thisisworsethananticpated 🙏

Glad your are enjoying your OLD detox @Definitelycross

That's interesting to know @Mila14 how long it was before MrEx met your kids (ages!)

Hope you have had a good weekend @Eeksteek whichever decision you made re MrPottery sleepover or not.

I'm not long back from a heavenly 24 hours with MrMaker. Most spent in bed but pub lunch and a walk too. We are 10000000% in love with each other. I met his sibling. He still appears to be my doppelgänger in a male body and thinks I'm lush.

Marvellous Oncey…enjoy everything. I like it you have also met his sibling…this is a beautiful time in your life 🥰

MrEX met my kids 2 years after meeting me but I had kids all the time then so something had to be done. I regretted it when we broke up though. I think each family and each couple judges things depending on their circumstances. For some people it’s earlier and it works just fine. I think that if you have teenagers at home it’s different from having pre teens.

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Mila14 · 20/02/2023 08:18

Excellent stuff Eeky. Total success that kids enjoyed it and laughed. I had no idea you’ve been 10 years on your own. I agree about break ups in the future and learning to cope. I think Mr Pottery and you have gone one step closer to solidifying your relationship.

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Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/02/2023 08:20

Eeksteek

im still a bit freaked at all these people who claim they ‘lurk’ and then came in and piled in so censoriously

anyway im glad it was ok ! We all have the skills to assess risk and make decisions

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OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 20/02/2023 08:21

That's the thing @Mila14 everyone's circs are so different.

It's really important that MrMaker sees my house soon as doesn't really know me until he has so will undoubtedly meet my (15 & 20 year old) kids. It won't be a big deal for them. Meeting his younger kids will be a bigger deal and poor things are already discombobulated from their mum moving the OM in to the family home mere months after their dad left so have said a possible dog walk on neutral territory one day in the summer then perhaps move on to short camping trips on the same campsite with mutual kids or something but no sleepovers at each others house when kids are present (mine always are like @Eeksteek) for at least a year or two.

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