Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

Mila14

this worries me
He’s not medicated and is terrified of doing so seeing how it has affected his family and XW

after me and ex split it was so bad my friend gently advised me to try SSRI
been on them ever since
my nephews on them and he’s doing great

I wonder why he thinks that SSRI will have terrifying affects ?

my friends dumped her man and she loves him - but she basically wants him to get therapy
snd she’s now boundaried enough she will hold that line

I’m sorry your in this situation and it’s a tough one given the many years you have had

@Mila14 I'm sorry to hear of Mr ex's struggles and the impact the same have on you. You have to do what feels best for you 🤗

Thank you Oncey and Slothy.. perhaps taking SSRI is not that bad for him. I think the lows are just mental and he’s really really unhappy. I don’t know enough but he needs to find his way.

Sorry to hear about MrEx @Mila14. It must be tough as you have been together for such a long time and he is still so up and down. It must be so disheartening..

@Eeksteek … you are an inspiration and keep me battling on with OLD… and it is an uphill battle!!

@Definitelycross …forget that stupid bloke. You are worth so much more. That was certainly a bullet swerved!! I was love bombed with MrP. It really does mess with your head. You have got this 💪🏻

Can relate to how you are feeling right now @Mila14. Since we came back from our lovely break partner has had an issue with his son, not major but significant all the same. I'm getting far fewer messages and no mention of meeting up. I can totally understand but am feeling a little frustrated too. This is most likely short term but still feel like I'm going most of the legwork now but also appreciate he is probably not in the headspace right now.

LuckyLy…hang on on there. I think life is so very complicated for the good and the bad for parents right now. Kids are a massive priority for normal parents. Do you have kids too?

I appreciate MrEx has A LOT on his plate right now too…but it is how he deals with it I find problematic…these really crazy lows where he becomes nihilistic and detached from everything and everyone. This is an issue. Also DC off to uni next year and he is very very hands on and reliant on DC to an extent to lift him off his numb days ( especially when I’m away or just not able to meet).
Im adamant I don’t want to mix my kids with him again so it gets complicated. I could probably mix with my DD as they have a great rapport and she knows a lot of the issues. I’m not on a hurry to ditch or to date a new guy to be honest. But I want changes and we discussed this yesterday at length in a difficult conversation. We’ll see what happens but I am quite cool about everything right now.

Thanks @Mila14. I have 2 kids yes and we have always agreed our kids come first. It's just that I feel hes been almost taking it out on me so I mentioned that to him yesterday. I understand fully his concerns and have given him space. I think we just need to let this pass and reconnect again.

Thanks all! I went on date 3 round his which was obvious what he had in mind. It was better than the last date but he’s quite serious and didn’t take note when I said to be less rough. At the same time we had lovely kisses and cuddles which is what I really miss.

We were talking and he’s got a decent job and was saying yeah I worked hard at uni so I didn’t have to stack shelves. It really took me back as I’ve been to uni but due to being a single mom I work part time in a not a lot more than minimum wage job. When I called him out on it he didn’t back down which put me off. I’d never think I was better than anyone.

I don’t mind how we communicate it’s just the fact that I want it more than him. I’m not talking loads just a morning 1, 1 at lunch if you have time and then like a 10 min chat in the evening. He said he’s just not used to being asked to do that.

As for the second guy, he has a twinkle in his eye and is saying all the right things. He makes time to talk and is seemingly interested in me as a person as he’s asking all the important questions. He’s in a band as a side job and is generally seems more fun. I’m def going to meet him and see how things go.

HmmWhichOne

you know you don’t have to date either !

so many fish 🐠 in the sea 🌊

im concerned you said he was rough too
might be one to throw back

spending time with rough snobby takes attention off someone nicer

Oh shite @Mila14 that's a very sad set of posts to read
That's not ok for him to be actively not seeking treatment for it. I never understand why people are fearful of anti-depressants when depression is so life ruining. My own daughter (20) has seen a total life reboot due to the modern medical miracle that is anti-depressants.
Could he not even agree to a GP appointment and a trial of meds?

I'm just back from a 48 hour mid week love-in at MrMaker's house. His teen son was in residence unexpectedly which was a delightful milestone. Mainly in his room gaming but lots of lovely chat over dinners with him. He wanted to meet me.
He's my forever person (MrMaker not his son obvs) I have no doubt that ven though our first date was still less than a month ago....

I have one iron !
well I have a few for exploratory coffe and chat but quite like the sound of this one especially

the rest are experimental research 🧐

no name yet but for whatever reason he makes me smile a bit

You’re so right! Think I’m going to serve guy 1, go on a date with 2 and I’m already looking on the other sites for potentials

OH YES… making you smile is just perfect 😍

Guy one feeling superior and being rough…HELL NO

Go to iron 2 date and ditch number 1

I know Oncey…I am really not in a position to discuss these things because I really don’t know but I value very much your comments and those of Worsy on the matter
Im glad it’s worked wonder for your DD and yourself too.A lot of these issues stem from pure ignorance really. BUT, it’s him having to do the work not me

Thisisworsethananticpated
Sounds exciting!

A bit of experimental research sounds like fun.

Mila14
Look after yourself first. I don't know the back story to Mr Ex but it does sound like he needs to realise he needs professional help. And not rely on you.

HmmWhichOne
Another vote for ditching the first one. He's not listening to you

It seems to be weirdos day on POF. These are opening messages!
First one asked if I would wear leather trousers

Second one asked if I was a sexy stocking wearing bisexual
🙄
That's the third stocking comment I've had. I must be going blind as I can't see anything on my profile that suggests I like leather or stockings.

Meanwhile I have 2 dates lined up for the weekend.
And a date I had a few weeks ago has reappeared and is now very, very keen. I liked him but thought I wasn't his type. Seems he thought I wasn't interested. But I'm playing it cool to see where it goes.

Nelly…guy who resuscitated is not that into you…his other first choice/s failed so he’s having to do with second or third tier… NEVER go for second choice. He’s got nothing to lose revisiting older matches that we’re not attractive

Go for the other 2 dates that have picked you and one to go for a date on first chats only.

I forgot to say how lovely it is that Oncey has naturally bumped into teen son of Mr Maker with 0 drama and had a laugh too. I’m all for knowing how the other person lives and that includes his kid/s at some point
All kids are different and at different stages in life so we judge what’s comfortable for us
I do think you met you person

Exactly that @Mila14 his son is very mature (nearly 18), has a blended family on both his mum and dad's side, they are very close and was keen to see who was making his dad all happy and bouncy. I was pleased to see MrM's (lovely gentle) dad skills in action and we had some great deep chats and laughs. It was very straightforward and felt like an important piece of the growing jigsaw.
Poor thing hasn't even seen where I live yet.
He's the greatest person I've ever* met and feels the same about me.

*apart from my fantastic girlfriends

We now have four weekend trips scheduled where we go a-visiting our tribe together. It will be splendid.
He will meet my kids in passing when he comes to collect me for each.

Just wonderful Oncey… you found your person ❤️ and he is in the RIGHT mental and physical place to get this relationship going successfully

Yay!! I'm so pleased he's a good one.

@Mila14 I'm on antidepressants and couldn't have coped without them. My youngest son is as well. Tbh I think he wouldn't still be here otherwise. But it does take work on Mr Ex's part.

@HmmWhichOne I'm sorry but alarm bells are ringing so loudly about Mr One. He's pushing your limits already, on the third date, physically and mentally. You deserve twinkly nice guy.

I can't remember who mentioned stockings - sorry. But nearly every POF man has asked me about them too 🙄

I'm back on POF but I'm being ruthless. If I couldn't imagine waking up next to them and smiling then they're gone.

Mila14

whilst I don’t like to generalise
i see a lot of men very reluctant and warier around SSRI versus women - at least with people I know

I don’t know why this is so

and sometimes they use other stuff (booze !) which is worse but anyway …..

I think it’s a shame as they really do help buffet the dark thoughts

honestly when I was with my ex , I don’t know how I coped but when he kicked off I’d have multiple ‘maybe I’d be better dead days ‘ and some dark visualisation

NellyTheCake

jeez try FEELD 😂
however I have a new descriptor ‘hot vanilla’
and I seem to be woefully kink free

stockings is so flipping old fashioned 😂

Your post resonated so much with me 🤗

If it weren't for the kids and the effect it would have on my parents I wouldn't be here either. I felt so annoying to everyone. Unfortunately I journaled that and STBXH used my feelings in his abuse. Made me feel like I was pointless.

Very dark days.