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Original poster

What's the proper way to handle not liking someone's cooking?

244 replies

Alasia1983 · 09/02/2023 18:21

Apologies if this is a bit petty, but I'm trying to work out whether my partner was being rude or whether actually, he handled it well and I'm taking offence for no reason!

We got home at 5pm today due to traffic (we usually eat at 5) and I started straight on with the chicken and rice/stir fry thing I had already planned on making.

I don't usually cook as I have severe anxiety and so he usually does it, but this time I felt confident enough to try.

By 5.30 it was ready and I was pleased it was all cooked, the chicken had hit the right internal temp, it looked slightly weird as I put eggs in it too (kind of an egg fried rice thing) and they didn't really clump up, just covered everything in tiny white bits, but me and my children ate all of ours with the children saying how nice it was and that they wanted it again - they're autistic and quite fussy eaters, so this was a win for me!

My partner ate stony faced, in silence (not actually unusual for him in fairness) and got up with his half full plate, scaped it into the bin and went upstairs.
He does usually just disappear after he's eaten until its time for him to hoover, but I felt embarrassed as he'd thrown so much food away.

Next time he was in the room I said "it's a shame you didnt like the meal, the children said they liked it a lot". Silence.
I said it again as he came back into the kitchen and he just looked at me then walked out again.
I told him its rude to ignore and he said "I don't know what you want me to say. I didn't like it".

I asked why and he said it was "clumped together and not very tasty".
I completely disagree as the rice was one of those pouches anyway so wasn't stuck together and I could taste the individual elements. I followed a recipe and used their advice for amounts of soy sauce etc and was actually quite pleased with the taste.

The thing is, he always says this kind of thing when I cook (which is very rarely). I always take offence but I wonder whether I'm being silly? I didn't expect a gold star or anything but he was so...cold about how much he didn't like my food and I ended up feeling stupid and embarrassed.

Was it me, or was he a bit insensitive?

OP posts:
XmasElf10 · 09/02/2023 18:24

He was a totally rude bastard!! What a knob. Next time cook for you and the kids and let him make his own. I’d appreciate anyone who made dinner for me and I was brought up to be properly bloody grateful. You can make my dinner any day!

nurseynursery · 09/02/2023 18:25

He sounds just awful. Fair enough he didn't like a meal but it all sounds very odd.

BraveMaeve · 09/02/2023 18:27

He sounds rude and childish. I would genuinely expect better manners from my children - fine not to like something (we all have different tastes) but just explain politely!

Sorry OP Flowers

Alwaysworryingoversomething · 09/02/2023 18:28

It's sad that he couldn't have been more pleasant, I'm assuming he knows how anxious you feel about cooking.

Fair enough if he didn't like it but there are ways to communicate that and he should be grateful that you've cooked him a meal as pp said.

Great that your children enjoyed it if they have difficulties with food. I'd say it's something you should cook again.

wonderstuff · 09/02/2023 18:28

He sounds horrible! My dh is super fussy and after many meals where he pushed food about and declared himself not hungry I gave up and he cooked everything. He enjoys it and I don’t. Since the dc arrived we share it a bit more, but it’s no big deal, if anyone doesn’t like it they just say so, no one gets grumpy or stoney faced.

Original poster
Alasia1983 · 09/02/2023 18:28

I think it's the way he acted/said it.

When I was a child, my stepdad would always make a big deal of finishing his meal, always saying "that was lovely, thank you" to my mum, even when she had only made beans on toast 😊 so maybe my view is a bit skewed and I'm expecting too much?

I don't really know what I was expecting but like I say, he seems to dislike anything I cook, usually using the reasoning that it's not seasoned well enough/bland etc.

I had expected an apology at least, after he'd realised he upset me but he's just gone into the bedroom and is playing on his xbox...

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 09/02/2023 18:29

That was rude and omg 😲, for me usually if I really not keen, I'll eat what's possible but ask for a doggie bag, to save it for laters ect

Clymene · 09/02/2023 18:29

He's an arsehole.

Your kids, not his?

FetchezLaVache · 09/02/2023 18:30

He sounds rude as fuck. Fair enough, he didn't like it, but he should still have thanked you for the meal.

My ExH used to eat in stony silence too, with the air of a man who was doing me a massive favour by eating what I'd cooked, and it gave me the RAGE. It's one of the very many reasons he's an ex.

I am going to take a wild stab in the dark and suggest that his attitude towards you and your anxiety are not unrelated. Is he like that towards you in other ways, over other things?

wonderstuff · 09/02/2023 18:30

No, your stepdad had good manners and your partner doesn’t.

WaddleAway · 09/02/2023 18:30

He’s a rude arsehole.

Original poster
Alasia1983 · 09/02/2023 18:30

Alwaysworryingoversomething · 09/02/2023 18:28

It's sad that he couldn't have been more pleasant, I'm assuming he knows how anxious you feel about cooking.

Fair enough if he didn't like it but there are ways to communicate that and he should be grateful that you've cooked him a meal as pp said.

Great that your children enjoyed it if they have difficulties with food. I'd say it's something you should cook again.

So, just so I can get an idea of what's 'normal', if you didn't like something your partner cooked or vice versa, what would you say or do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Alasia1983 · 09/02/2023 18:31

Clymene · 09/02/2023 18:29

He's an arsehole.

Your kids, not his?

They're not his biological children.

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 09/02/2023 18:31

That dinner sounds horrible but he could have thanked you for cooking anyway!

Changingplace · 09/02/2023 18:31

He was incredibly rude & very childish to not answer you and basically sulk about it, what awful behaviour- especially in front of your kids!

Its fair enough not to like something, but is reaction was rude & unnecessary, I’d be livid.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 09/02/2023 18:32

I'm not surprised you're anxious about cooking if that's the way he acts. Very rude, and a bad example to the kids.

Anoooshka · 09/02/2023 18:32

It's not your food that's the problem here....

FetchezLaVache · 09/02/2023 18:33

To answer your question, DP always thanks me, just like your stepdad, even if he really didn't like it (I do the vast majority of the cooking). If pressed, he might admit that it wasn't his favourite, but he'd always finish his plate and thank me - as do I when he cooks.

ManchesterGirl2 · 09/02/2023 18:34

He sounds an absolute twat.

The meal sounds fine.

If there was a genuine major problem with the food, I'd say "thanks for cooking sweetheart. The X tastes a bit odd, did you X?"

Or if it was just personal preference "thanks for the meal. I'm sorry to be picky, but I'm not a fan of X, would you mind leaving it out next time?"

Original poster
Alasia1983 · 09/02/2023 18:34

FetchezLaVache · 09/02/2023 18:30

He sounds rude as fuck. Fair enough, he didn't like it, but he should still have thanked you for the meal.

My ExH used to eat in stony silence too, with the air of a man who was doing me a massive favour by eating what I'd cooked, and it gave me the RAGE. It's one of the very many reasons he's an ex.

I am going to take a wild stab in the dark and suggest that his attitude towards you and your anxiety are not unrelated. Is he like that towards you in other ways, over other things?

I mean, we do have issues.

He's generally quite inconsiderate, monosyllabic, walks round with a face like a slapped arse a lot of the time, but then will be outside and spot one of the neighbours and have a lovely, upbeat, smiley chat with them.

He also never apologises when he upsets me, so why I'm so surprised this time I don't know.

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 09/02/2023 18:35

He's not being rude. He's being nasty. He's pretending it's about the food. It's about him trying to break you.

Greydogs123 · 09/02/2023 18:35

Do you think you have anxiety about cooking because you have a knob who criticises your food whenever you do it?

Invisablewoman · 09/02/2023 18:36

Sounds like a deliberate ploy to undermine your confidence about doing something he full well knows you’re anxious about. If you don’t cook often for that reason and you’ve given it a try - even if it’s not his most favourite meal - a good partner would give you some encouragement and say thank you.

What are his good qualities?

Clymene · 09/02/2023 18:36

He is emotionally abusive. What you do if you don't like the food someone else has cooked is eat as much of it as you can and then apologise for not eating more.

Silently eating and then stonewalling you - twice - is abusive.

How much do you walk on eggshells around him to keep him sweet?

It's hardly surprising you're anxious is if?

Original poster
Alasia1983 · 09/02/2023 18:37

JaneJeffer · 09/02/2023 18:31

That dinner sounds horrible but he could have thanked you for cooking anyway!

I didn't describe it very well but it was basically chicken breast, brocolli, brown rice and sweetcorn with soy sauce , ginger and sweet chili sauce. I should've left the egg out in hindsight.

OP posts:
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