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Original poster

What's the proper way to handle not liking someone's cooking?

244 replies

Alasia1983 · 09/02/2023 18:21

Apologies if this is a bit petty, but I'm trying to work out whether my partner was being rude or whether actually, he handled it well and I'm taking offence for no reason!

We got home at 5pm today due to traffic (we usually eat at 5) and I started straight on with the chicken and rice/stir fry thing I had already planned on making.

I don't usually cook as I have severe anxiety and so he usually does it, but this time I felt confident enough to try.

By 5.30 it was ready and I was pleased it was all cooked, the chicken had hit the right internal temp, it looked slightly weird as I put eggs in it too (kind of an egg fried rice thing) and they didn't really clump up, just covered everything in tiny white bits, but me and my children ate all of ours with the children saying how nice it was and that they wanted it again - they're autistic and quite fussy eaters, so this was a win for me!

My partner ate stony faced, in silence (not actually unusual for him in fairness) and got up with his half full plate, scaped it into the bin and went upstairs.
He does usually just disappear after he's eaten until its time for him to hoover, but I felt embarrassed as he'd thrown so much food away.

Next time he was in the room I said "it's a shame you didnt like the meal, the children said they liked it a lot". Silence.
I said it again as he came back into the kitchen and he just looked at me then walked out again.
I told him its rude to ignore and he said "I don't know what you want me to say. I didn't like it".

I asked why and he said it was "clumped together and not very tasty".
I completely disagree as the rice was one of those pouches anyway so wasn't stuck together and I could taste the individual elements. I followed a recipe and used their advice for amounts of soy sauce etc and was actually quite pleased with the taste.

The thing is, he always says this kind of thing when I cook (which is very rarely). I always take offence but I wonder whether I'm being silly? I didn't expect a gold star or anything but he was so...cold about how much he didn't like my food and I ended up feeling stupid and embarrassed.

Was it me, or was he a bit insensitive?

OP posts:
GiltEdges · 09/02/2023 18:37

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 09/02/2023 18:32

I'm not surprised you're anxious about cooking if that's the way he acts. Very rude, and a bad example to the kids.

This.

Makes me wonder if he’s more responsible for your anxiety in general to be honest.

MargaritMargo · 09/02/2023 18:37

No wonder you’ve got anxiety with a person like that in your life

gets up and leaves the room in silence? Ignores you when you speak to him? Gets annoyed when you (rightly) question him over it.

thats not how decent people behave OP.

Hidingawaytoday · 09/02/2023 18:38

JaneJeffer · 09/02/2023 18:31

That dinner sounds horrible but he could have thanked you for cooking anyway!

How on earth can chicken and egg fried rice sound horrible?

OP, he was downright rude. I do most of the cooking here, and DH does tell me if he's not keen on something, but he does it politely. And he almost always eats it all regardless.

Fairislefandango · 09/02/2023 18:38

He sounds like a horrible person tbh. I mean - what is his excuse for behaving like a stroppy teenager just because he didn't like his dinner? It's either pathetic or it's deliberately nasty. I'm guessing the latter.

EyesOnThePies · 09/02/2023 18:38

Incredibly rude.

And a terrible example to your kids.

It is possible to say ‘thank you for dinner’ even if you don’t like it. Or “thanks for cooking, sorry it didn’t turn out to be my favourite’ etc.

Hidingawaytoday · 09/02/2023 18:38

Alasia1983 · 09/02/2023 18:37

I didn't describe it very well but it was basically chicken breast, brocolli, brown rice and sweetcorn with soy sauce , ginger and sweet chili sauce. I should've left the egg out in hindsight.

Show quote history

Can I come over? Sounds yum!

Lovemusic33 · 09/02/2023 18:38

There’s nothing wrong with your cooking, your partner is just a twat.

Bluetrews25 · 09/02/2023 18:42

Reading between the lines, OP, he is a nasty man.
I bet this is the tip of the iceberg.
Yet again, on here, sadly.

Your anxiety could miraculously vanish if you were apart.

Original poster
Alasia1983 · 09/02/2023 18:45

Bluetrews25 · 09/02/2023 18:42

Reading between the lines, OP, he is a nasty man.
I bet this is the tip of the iceberg.
Yet again, on here, sadly.

Your anxiety could miraculously vanish if you were apart.

How do you read between the lines? In all honesty, yes I do wonder whether he's abusive but I keep second guessing myself and wondering whether he might actually be autistic, or have some other mental issue?

He doesn't ever apologise when he upsets me and generally has a cold manner about him, no empathy at all and no ability to be able to see how his actions affect people.

But how do you what's abuse and what's...something else?

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 09/02/2023 18:48

If someone did that to the food is cooked I'd not cook for them again.

Anamechangeisnotjustforchristmas · 09/02/2023 18:48

Alasia1983 · 09/02/2023 18:37

I didn't describe it very well but it was basically chicken breast, brocolli, brown rice and sweetcorn with soy sauce , ginger and sweet chili sauce. I should've left the egg out in hindsight.

Show quote history

It sounds lovely. The only thing is with the egg, you need to make an omelette first, break it up, then mix with the rest.

Your husband was a dick by the way.

Sunriseinwonderland · 09/02/2023 18:48

Sounds to me like he's causing your anxiety.

WonderingWanda · 09/02/2023 18:49

He doesn't sound very nice op. I am a good cook but my dh was extremely fussy when we met and and in the past wouldn't eat much of some of the food I cooked. He would always thank me for cooking and try to find something positive 'I really liked the potato' or something.

Curriedpeanuts · 09/02/2023 18:49

What "something else" could it be?
You already said he lights up and is warm and engaging with the neighbours...

I am another poster who is not surprised you are anxious.
When did your anxiety start?

idonotmind · 09/02/2023 18:51

Yeah he's an idiot.

My dh usually has some criticism of my cooking too, and it's so rude

Ihatepcos · 09/02/2023 18:51

I feel like I'm clearly missing something here because I think you are the unreasonable one OP.

You kept on pushing him until he told you he didn't like it when you already knew that from the fact he didn't eat it. Why force him to tell you and then get upset afterwards?

LozzaChops101 · 09/02/2023 18:52

He sounds horrible and you sound like you’re totally undermined by him. From here it sounds like he is at least in some way responsible for your anxiety, or doesn’t help. I can’t imagine ever treating a partner like that.

Hope you’re ok OP.

HyacinthineMacaw · 09/02/2023 18:52

Invisablewoman · 09/02/2023 18:36

Sounds like a deliberate ploy to undermine your confidence about doing something he full well knows you’re anxious about. If you don’t cook often for that reason and you’ve given it a try - even if it’s not his most favourite meal - a good partner would give you some encouragement and say thank you.

What are his good qualities?

This is exactly what I was going to post.

He just sounds like an arsehole, and a controlling one at that.

itsnote · 09/02/2023 18:52

"They're not his biological children."

Good. He can pack a bag and leave then. Or you can arrange to leave depending on who's house it is. Why are you letting your kids share a dinner table and life with this nasty fucker (I say abusive but who cares what or why). Horrid horrid man.

GroggyLegs · 09/02/2023 18:53

If I prepare something my DH doesn't like, and I have done, thanks to Hello Fresh, it goes a bit like this:

Plates land on the table...
DH: This looks interesting. New recipe?
ME: Yes, it's whatever, whatever.
We eat, he eats what he can. Picks out the ginger etc.
DH: I don't think that ones for the recipe book. I wasn't keen on the **/ it was a bit gingery for me.
Me: I thought it was okay/ yeah, I wont make that again.
DH: Thanks for cooking babe.

Life resumes. Nobody's angry or sad.

Soapboxqueen · 09/02/2023 18:53

Sorry OP but your DP sounds like a twat.

The food isn't the issue here. It's reasonable to say something wasn't your favourite or to try and work what it was you didn't like about something.

However, skulking off and being a mardy arse about it is just being shitty.

If you and your kids liked the food then it was good. It did its job.

Tell him he can cook for himself in future.

Athena51 · 09/02/2023 18:55

Ihatepcos · 09/02/2023 18:51

I feel like I'm clearly missing something here because I think you are the unreasonable one OP.

You kept on pushing him until he told you he didn't like it when you already knew that from the fact he didn't eat it. Why force him to tell you and then get upset afterwards?

You're missing plenty of examples of nasty, ride, borderline abusive behaviour which clearly has OP anxious, upset and walking on eggshells.

He sounds like a nasty piece of work and if my DP behaved like this (not that he
ever would) he'd be my ex-partner in short fucking order. Get rid OP, he sounds horrible.

Ghostbuster2639 · 09/02/2023 18:55

Apologies if this is a bit petty, but I'm trying to work out whether my partner was being rude or whether actually, he handled it well and I'm taking offence for no reason!

It is really a concern that you don’t know that this is outright nasty abusive behaviour and not at all normal.

mmi · 09/02/2023 18:55

He sounds unpleasant.

But can I ask that you not describe autism as being "mental" please. Thanks.

Original poster
Alasia1983 · 09/02/2023 18:57

GroggyLegs · 09/02/2023 18:53

If I prepare something my DH doesn't like, and I have done, thanks to Hello Fresh, it goes a bit like this:

Plates land on the table...
DH: This looks interesting. New recipe?
ME: Yes, it's whatever, whatever.
We eat, he eats what he can. Picks out the ginger etc.
DH: I don't think that ones for the recipe book. I wasn't keen on the **/ it was a bit gingery for me.
Me: I thought it was okay/ yeah, I wont make that again.
DH: Thanks for cooking babe.

Life resumes. Nobody's angry or sad.

But, as someone else mentioned above...when he was all stoney faced and left, I could have left it at that - he came back in to hoover, if I hadn't mentioned the meal, he wouldn't have either.

This is why I'm unsure whether actually, as the other poster said above, it was me being unreasonable by pushing the issue?

OP posts: