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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He is having an affair! Follow on thread

802 replies

heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 21:00

I've made a follow on thread as frankly I need to continue to share my thoughts and gain support and advice from you all! I do feel a warmth reading all your lovely comments of support. Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 21:01

Could he be having an affair??? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4735412-could-he-be-having-an-affair

OP posts:
Bog · 06/02/2023 21:01

I was hoping it was a massive misunderstanding. So sorry OP 😞

CoconutQueen · 06/02/2023 21:02

I've come from the other thread. Hang on in there OP. You will get through this. Flowers

Mrsphilmiller · 06/02/2023 21:03

i’m shocked!!
really can’t trust anyone!

Mollyplop999 · 06/02/2023 21:05

So sorry that it turned out to be true. Amazing how he's tried to infer that you're at fault for not wanting to be having sex every 5 minutes when you've had a baby. What a peice of work. You are worth so much more.

ItsJustLittleOldMe · 06/02/2023 21:05

Can’t believe what a rollercoaster you have been on for the past few days. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m glad to have some support from your mum x

summerisnearlyhere · 06/02/2023 21:06

So sorry for you, I've been following from the start, gentle hugs

OriginalFloorboards · 06/02/2023 21:07

Stay strong ❤️ sorry to read your gut feel was right. There are lots of posters with some good advice. Just wanted to give you a virtual hug.

2Old2BABPpresenter · 06/02/2023 21:08

So sorry for you OP. I’ve been through this, not quite the same circumstances but he cheated. 15 years down the shitter and he couldn’t admit he was at fault. You’re going to be okay, you’ll feel like you aren’t for ages but you will be. On my several years on in my own home with my own mortgage now and with DP about to move in. It does get better, as the old MN adage goes This too shall pass.

mumof2andstillsurviving · 06/02/2023 21:08

I'm so glad you have got your mum. What a shit he is. You have brought his children into the world, had a horrific birth and then he acts in such a despicable way. You deserve so much better

Led9519 · 06/02/2023 21:09

I posted saying look at Vanessa Feltz, she’s going through it all publicly… again. Take a bit of strength from her. So sorry for you OP he’s such a twonk. I can’t believe what he’s thrown away his family must be so angry and disappointed in him. Not sure how you could ever trust him again though.
hugs

Aldisfinest · 06/02/2023 21:09

What a awful betrayal of trust. Sending love OP

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 06/02/2023 21:10

Absolutely awful OP. I'm glad your friend decided to tell you.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 06/02/2023 21:10

I'm joining on to offer my support. In times of high emotion and crisis it doesn't half help when we all pull together and encourage each other. Especially as lots of posters often have really practical advice. If it gets you through this difficult time then post whenever you need to on this thread.
You have your beautiful babies to think of so looking after your own physical & mental health is so important. Can't pour from an empty cup and all that xx

nettie434 · 06/02/2023 21:11

I'm so sorry. I had been following the other thread, hoping it was a misunderstanding. You have been incredibly brave at dealing with this horrible situation. Hope you can get some sleep tonight after the past few days. You will get through this eventually.

TheDuchessOfMN · 06/02/2023 21:11

I’m so sorry. I read your last thread and really hoped your friend was wrong.

HappyHolidays22 · 06/02/2023 21:13

Thank goodness for your mum. Take care OP. Be kind to yourself, it will take time but things will get better. He doesn’t deserve you xx

Artsy1234 · 06/02/2023 21:13

Lots of hugs for you OP. It’s been on my mind all day, so upset and devastated for you.

He has shown his true colours. Saying that he was having an affair because you haven’t been up for sex lately, given you have a young baby and such a terrible birth, is completely unforgivable to me.

I’m glad you have your mums support. Make sure you rinse him financially and do not leave the family home!

Best to block him for now and avoid speaking to him. He will make any and every very excuse under the sun. Easier said than done but he will just mess with your head. He has already demonstrated how sly he can be.

Beaverbridge · 06/02/2023 21:14

Plenty of us here who have been through the same thing. My ex pulled that chat with me, I was more interested in the children than him. Wtaf?. One was still a baby in nappies. He was another one who swanned about thinking he was the man whilst I worked full time, did everything in the house. He also tried to worm his way back in by which time I'd wised up big time, saw him for what he was and hunted him. Needless to say him and his bandy legged Donkey didn't last. Not that I cared. Been with a great man for years, ex actually did me a favour. So while this seems like the worst thing ever, you will prosper. He's the big time loser here, trust me. X.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2023 21:16

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I know this may sound 'too soon', but considering that you said on the other thread you're concerned about finances, please see a solicitor whilst your mum is there to support you and serve as a sounding board. In fact, if possible make the appointment and have your mum or a trusted friend go with you if they can be a good listener who can take good notes and/or give you 'prompts' for questions. I know that in emotional situations one's head can become a sieve so it can be good to have someone else there. Two heads are better than one.

Seeing a solicitor doesn't mean you're going to file for divorce immediately. It just means that you are educating yourself as to what can be expected of the legal process itself as well as what you might be able to expect as far as maintenance and settlement. Obviously a solicitor can't give you concrete figures, but they can give you an idea of how things are calculated.

Have you considered telling him to stop trying to contact you? Do you feel it would give you more of a sense of calm if he'd leave you alone? If so, you can tell him his constant attempts are driving you further away from him and he needs to stop. Tell him you need time and space and that you will be in touch when you're ready to talk. Or just block him.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 06/02/2023 21:17
Flowers
BigMacExtraPickles · 06/02/2023 21:17

Oh @heartbroken26 I've been following also on the other thread. I was sincerely hoping that it was all innocent.

So bloody sorry this is all going on in your life!!! Not putting out after a baby is a really shitty excuse to cheat!

Like others have said, draw strength from your mum. I know your friend eventually came through for you but do you have other close friends you can turn to? Her closeness to your DH's mistress might be difficult for you to navigate. Also you're at risk of stuff leaking back.

Sending lots of hugs at this shit time xx

Chaotica · 06/02/2023 21:18

Aw, OP. I'm sorry to read the updates on this thread and the last. Flowers

Look after yourself (and don't trust him, whatever he says to get back).

Pipsquiggle · 06/02/2023 21:19

Glad your mum is there. Stay strong. Don't do anything you don't want to do.

Running247 · 06/02/2023 21:21

OP I was following your thread yesterday and was so sorry to read your update; what a total waste of oxygen he is! A real low life who isn’t sorry he cheated - just sorry he got caught. Please remember this.

Please also take strength from wherever you can (Mumsnet, your mum, your friend) and try to get some rest. Sending love and strength.