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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He is having an affair! Follow on thread

802 replies

heartbroken26 · 06/02/2023 21:00

I've made a follow on thread as frankly I need to continue to share my thoughts and gain support and advice from you all! I do feel a warmth reading all your lovely comments of support. Thank you!

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 06/02/2023 21:59

I see that you are concerned about finances. I suggest you put his golf clubs up for sale as he is not using them.

Artyfarty555 · 06/02/2023 22:00

I’m so very sad and sorry to read this. I’m sending you so much love and positivity. I can’t even begin to understand what you are going through. There are so many on here that can offer words of wisdom. I can just send you the strength to take each hour as it comes. Take time for you and look after yourself and your mum. She will be a rock for you at this time.
Hoping you have a good nights sleep or at least some sleep and take care of yourself. Stay strong and big, big hugs.

FlamingoQueen · 06/02/2023 22:01

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Flowers

ReneBumsWombats · 06/02/2023 22:02

That's totally shit, OP, and a particularly complicated way to find out. I'm so sorry.

mcmooberry · 06/02/2023 22:05

Oh my goodness I am so shocked I read yesterday's thread and thought it was all resolved! You are genuinely doing brilliantly, am in awe of your decisiveness getting him right out the house. Thank goodness for your mum. Am so sorry he has spoiled everything and done this. xx

HayV12 · 06/02/2023 22:07

I just didn't want to scroll past your heartache without offering my support. He's a total piece of sh1t. How dare he do that to you and your family. How small a man he must be to say anything about your lack of sex lives.

F#ck him to the nth degree.

Everyone is right go and see a solicitor. Ignore the calls from the worm. Like the bastard squirm.

Also that ex is a total piece of work too. She knew exactly what she was doing and who she was doing it to. They're both truly awful people and deserve each other.

Take care, huge hugs.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 06/02/2023 22:10

So sorry to read your updates, OP. Stopped reading yesterday when it seemed to be a big misunderstanding, so I’m shocked at how it all unravelled last night.

I know you’re probably having that unreal, out-of-body feeling of shock and disorientation right now. It’s horrible, but it will pass. There are (sadly) many people here who have been where you are now, and this is a great place to come for advice, support and encouragement to find your own bollock-kicking righteous anger.

It may not seem like it now, but you’re going to be fine 💐

maryofthevirginkind · 06/02/2023 22:11

Well he's an absolute shit and so is the woman he's been shagging. Sex or not it's deceit. OP take each day hour by hour and one foot in front of the other. You're so much better than him.

AlbertaAnnie · 06/02/2023 22:14

Please see a solicitor asap op - it’s difficult but you need to take care of you and the kids financially xx

CuteAsDuck · 06/02/2023 22:17

So sorry your going through this 💗

Big hugs, stay strong x

Lookingforthecoffeerevels · 06/02/2023 22:19

Oh lovely. He doesn't deserve you. I was so hoping it was a misunderstanding. Sending hugs xx

Zonder · 06/02/2023 22:20

I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

Heyboooo · 06/02/2023 22:20

We’re all with you!! ❤️❤️

KAYMACK · 06/02/2023 22:21

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samqueens · 06/02/2023 22:23

I’m so, so sorry OP. This is horrible, horrible news - what an effing scumbag he is. Do NOT accept any responsibility for his shitty behaviour, even when he inevitably tries to turn this back on you and/or make it seem as though you are unreasonable for kicking him out/not letting him back (“I’ve said I’m sorry - what more can I do, I love you blah blah blah”)

very glad to hear your mum is there to help. Definitely some good advice here about seeing solicitor for advice asap and definitely jot down a list of questions to ahead of time, so you don’t forget anything, and take someone with you to make notes. Stay strong 💐💐

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 06/02/2023 22:24

Another one here absolutely rooting for you. Can’t believe it turned out to be true. I’m so sorry he’s done this to you.

Just a thought. Lots of people come on here with a version of this story and end up kicking the useless twat out. Not many come back and say they regretted it. 💐

fairycake23 · 06/02/2023 22:24

Sending you so much love - I literally gasped when I read your update this morning - I'm gutted for you. I'm so so sorry you are being put through this, you sound wonderful and absolutely do not deserve this. Huge hugs xx

rockingbird · 06/02/2023 22:30

I'm so sorry to read your update, I know how it feels and my only advice (which was given to me way back on MN) make no decisions until you are ready. I'll bet my house he'll be pushing to get this resolved asap - brushed under the carpet and move on. From personal experience sadly it's very hard to get past such deceit! I tried desperately to make it work after discovering the awful lies of my own stbxh affair, it nearly broke me. Don't be me, sit with your feelings, let good friends and family hold you up for now and remember none of this is your fault. He can't be trusted, a cheater rarely changes. Sending love and strength your way x

Popetthetreehugger · 06/02/2023 22:30

Biggest hug , I too have been in your shoes , and your friend come to that . Once you have legal advice, don’t be rushed to make any decisions. Let your mum do as much as she wants to help , she will want to pick up as many practicalities to let you rest from this almighty shock . Just do an hour at a time , you will get there and you all will thrive x

KatiefromHull · 06/02/2023 22:30

Fuckin hell! I stopped following after the clothes sniffing and thinking it had been a panic over nothing. I was so relieved for you.

im so sorry this has happened, I know the pain and it’s unbelievable isn’t it? Glad you’ve got ur mum with you. Remember it’s not your fault and you don’t deserve this.

SadSunshine · 06/02/2023 22:31

What an absolute arsehole! You and your children deserve so much better! By the way, that's a good friend you have there. That was a difficult situation that she found herself in. Sending you positive vibes. Stay strong. Put you and your kids first.

MamaBear1022 · 06/02/2023 22:31

I am so sorry. I hope you are looking after yourself as much as you can. Xx

starynight63 · 06/02/2023 22:35

So sorry to read your updates op :(

validusername2 · 06/02/2023 22:36

Take all the support you need from here Op.

I'm glad your friend shared what she knew with you and even though it may be hurting you right now, I'm sure you'd rather know than not.

I would still be cautious with what you share with your friend, just in case it gets back to the sister and subsequently your husband.

FenghuangHoyan · 06/02/2023 22:36

Like many others, I saw the other thread and hoped it was all a misunderstanding. I'm really really sorry that it was not.

I can only add that I've been cheated on and I divorced them and struggled financially at first (had to live with my parents again for a while), but I recovered and now I'm happier than I ever was during that relationship. You'll recover and he'll be the one that regrets this more than you. You're obviously the better person or if the two of you.