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Original poster

Islamic divorce HELP

338 replies

aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:08

I have a Nikkah in the UK so it is not recognised as a civil marriage. I have two kids and we were Islamically married for 4 years. My husband left me 2 months ago and has told me he has booked an Islamic divorce with an imam in 2 weeks time. He doesn’t pay any maintenance or anything, he has just left to live with his parents, and I am left with the 2 kids at home paying rent. The thing is I have no financial protection here or no rights whatsoever. I told him I won’t be attending the Islamic divorce because it is too soon. A legal divorce takes months, even years to settle, and somehow for an Islamic divorce he can literally sign a paper with an imam present and divorce me there and then. I said I will not attend to delay the divorce because we need to have childcare plans and financial arrangements in place. He said if I don’t attend the appointment in 2 weeks then apparently he is able to sign the forms without me and do the Islamic divorce without me even being present! He said women don’t get a say in islam so he will divorce me and send me a divorce paper through the post. How crazy is that? I feel so helpless. Ideally I wanted to save the marriage but I have no time and certainly no time to settle finances etc. Has any other Muslim woman with only an Islamic Nikkah ceremony been divorced by their husband without even being present at the mosque? Why do women in UK get no say in Islamic divorce? Since it is not a legal marriage I have no power or protection or rights.

OP posts:
Eleganz · 04/02/2023 11:11

Sorry OP, I have no experience in the religious side of things, just wanted to say that child maintenance has nothing to do with the parent's marital status. If the kids are with you all the time then you can make a claim against him, please do this asap.

FrownedUpon · 04/02/2023 11:12

Get yourself a solicitor asap.

Livinghappy · 04/02/2023 11:15

Start a claim for child maintenance immediately - it appears he doesn't want to pay anything for his child under Islamic law but uk law will give you some protection.

Your heart needs to catch up with your head...he is out the door, doesn't want you and if you went back he would hold all the cards. As scary as it seems your life with him would get worse.

007DoubleOSeven · 04/02/2023 11:15

I do think you need a solicitor, preferably one with experience if Islamic marriages. Pp is right, you ate still entitled to child maintenance but a solicitor might be able to help with everything else.

Were you born into Islam?

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:18

007DoubleOSeven · 04/02/2023 11:15

I do think you need a solicitor, preferably one with experience if Islamic marriages. Pp is right, you ate still entitled to child maintenance but a solicitor might be able to help with everything else.

Were you born into Islam?

Yes I’m born into islam. I found out that Nikkah is only legally binding in islamic countries. In UK it is not legal which is why I didn’t do a legal wedding. But now my husband wants a divorce now I realise I have no rights… I can’t even slow down the divorce process because it’s not even a lengthy process it’s a signing of a paper without me even being present

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/02/2023 11:19

You're better off without him, OP. He doesn't sound nice at all.

You can definitely put in a CMS claim for child support. It doesn't matter that you aren't married in the eyes of the UK law, as he is still responsible for his own children.

I'm so sorry that you are stuck in this situation.

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:19

Apparently he can say “talaq talaq talaq” and by saying that then he is also divorced and can sign the paper without me. Has any muslim woman in the UK been through this?? How can I buy myself time to save my marriage if divorce is this simple for the man.

OP posts:
Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:21

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/02/2023 11:19

You're better off without him, OP. He doesn't sound nice at all.

You can definitely put in a CMS claim for child support. It doesn't matter that you aren't married in the eyes of the UK law, as he is still responsible for his own children.

I'm so sorry that you are stuck in this situation.

I want some time to save my marriage as I don’t want to be left in the house alone as a single parent. But what am i supposed to do when divorce is so simple in Islamic and the man holds all the power? Surely in UK marriages if a woman wants to delay things she has the power to do so or both need to agree for a divorce to take place

OP posts:
Heyahun · 04/02/2023 11:21

The “divorce” part is sort of irrelevant if the marriage isn’t legal - so weather you remain “‘married or divorced” it doesn’t change anything

claim for child maintenance as by law he has to put that !

sorry this has happened op! :(

Christmaspyjamas · 04/02/2023 11:22

I don't think you can stop or slowdown your husband completing the divorce.

You CAN take action to ensure your children are financially supported.

You COULD reach out to his family or others at the mosque or ask one of your family to try and change his mind...is there anyone who would speak to him on your behalf?

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:23

“Talaq Refers to the husband's right to dissolve the marriage by simply announcing to his wife that he repudiates her.”
this is what we are told by the mosque. I have no right to stop the divorce taking place! 😢

OP posts:
JuneOsborne · 04/02/2023 11:24

So, he's waited the required 3 menstrual cycles? (Left you 2 months ago and has booked the imam for 2 weeks time).

Isn't there menat to be a settlement thing where the finances are looked at?

Check he's doing this properly (in terms of the Islamic rules).

Just because you weren't legally married, doesn't mean he can walk away from his financial responsibility to his kids. Get onto the CMS and get your claim in!

Simonjt · 04/02/2023 11:24

You only need one party to end a nikkah, talaq can be in writing or verbal, ideally there should be two witnesses when it happens. Will you be able to stay in the home, or just during the iddat?

Divorce isn’t in anyway related to child maintenance, you don’t need to wait to start the claim process.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/02/2023 11:24

aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:19

Apparently he can say “talaq talaq talaq” and by saying that then he is also divorced and can sign the paper without me. Has any muslim woman in the UK been through this?? How can I buy myself time to save my marriage if divorce is this simple for the man.

Do you really want to save your marriage, OP? If he is so cold and uncaring towards your and your dc now, do you think that would be a happy basis for your future life?

There is nothing that you can do to slow this down, as far as I'm aware. I think it would be better for you to look towards the future. It's a shame that you didn't insist on a legal marriage as well as an Islamic one, and it's a shame that your parents didn't insist on this level of protection for you, but what's done is done now. You need to focus on how you can claim maintenance and build a new life for yourself.

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:24

Christmaspyjamas · 04/02/2023 11:22

I don't think you can stop or slowdown your husband completing the divorce.

You CAN take action to ensure your children are financially supported.

You COULD reach out to his family or others at the mosque or ask one of your family to try and change his mind...is there anyone who would speak to him on your behalf?

No his parents stand by his side and his whole family are saying it is the man’s right to leave and divorce his wife. They said it’s his choice if he sees the kids or not but they will not force anything. My parents have tried to talk to him and he just says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore as he is unhappy and doesn’t love me

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/02/2023 11:25

Did you not educate yourself about any of this before having children with this "man"?? Sigh.

Are you able to earn and support the kids? Does he earn? Or will he live off his parents? Do his parents wish to see your children? I'd get a claim for maintenance in ASAP. Contact Women's Aid.

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:27

JuneOsborne · 04/02/2023 11:24

So, he's waited the required 3 menstrual cycles? (Left you 2 months ago and has booked the imam for 2 weeks time).

Isn't there menat to be a settlement thing where the finances are looked at?

Check he's doing this properly (in terms of the Islamic rules).

Just because you weren't legally married, doesn't mean he can walk away from his financial responsibility to his kids. Get onto the CMS and get your claim in!

Please tell me more about this. So he needs to give it 3 months before settling a divorce? What is menat? Does he have to give me money before he can sign anything? My dad and his dad will be present at the meeting. I wasn’t going to attend but my dad said we will attend because we might be able to get the Imam to change his mind

OP posts:
BillyNighysWife · 04/02/2023 11:29

I am so sorry. This must be very upsetting and I feel for you.

Several people have told you that he is obliged to pay maintenance for the children. So, it’s a shock and will be tough for you but you won’t be totally unsupported financially.

I don’t really understand why you keep repeating that this situation is unfair for Muslim women though. You accepted a Nikkah, you must have known that it gave you no protection whatsoever. And, yes, Islamic divorce customs are unfair to women of course they are. That is literally how Islamic culture works. I am surprised you only noticed it now.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/02/2023 11:32

It's shit, OP, but unfortunately it's what you signed up to when you entered into an Islamic marriage without registering it legally. Not knowingly, perhaps, but in the eyes of the UK law, you're not married and so you're not protected. Could an imam potentially help by talking to your husband if his family won't? I don't think there is any point in trying to make him stay in a marriage that he doesn't want to be in, but it might at least help with regard to the financial side of things?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/02/2023 11:35

Why do you want to change his mind?

mightymam · 04/02/2023 11:35

So you knew the nikkah wasn't legally binding but you still went ahead with it and didn't insist on a legal marriage? If you're born into Islam you'll know that there's a process to end a marriage and there are strict guidelines on it- if your husband has decided the marriage is over, islamically you both need representatives present who try to mediate between the two of you over a period of three months. If things don't change, then yes, either party can insist on a divorce. Both the man and woman have equal rights to divorce or annul a marriage. A good imam will guide you both according to Islamic scripture. You should know this. When a marriage is over though, it's over. Focus on seeking child maintenance (if he's on the birth certificate, he liable) and then focus on building yourself up.

RedHelenB · 04/02/2023 11:35

aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:19

Apparently he can say “talaq talaq talaq” and by saying that then he is also divorced and can sign the paper without me. Has any muslim woman in the UK been through this?? How can I buy myself time to save my marriage if divorce is this simple for the man.

Do you come from a Muslim background? I don't but even I know that the divorce process in these marriages is as simple as that. At least it won't cost money and is a quick process so you can look to the future.
You need to crack on with claiming CMS and sorting out child contact

plask · 04/02/2023 11:41

You are not legally married.
Therefore a"divorce " is meaningless.

You need to claim benefits as a single parent and claim child support from their father through official means as any religious agreement you come to will depend on his good will as it wouldn't be based on the law in the country.

karamazing · 04/02/2023 11:41

You could try:
theislamiccouncil.co.uk website. They have a freephone number, based in Birmingham but help people all over the UK.

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