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Original poster

Islamic divorce HELP

338 replies

aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:08

I have a Nikkah in the UK so it is not recognised as a civil marriage. I have two kids and we were Islamically married for 4 years. My husband left me 2 months ago and has told me he has booked an Islamic divorce with an imam in 2 weeks time. He doesn’t pay any maintenance or anything, he has just left to live with his parents, and I am left with the 2 kids at home paying rent. The thing is I have no financial protection here or no rights whatsoever. I told him I won’t be attending the Islamic divorce because it is too soon. A legal divorce takes months, even years to settle, and somehow for an Islamic divorce he can literally sign a paper with an imam present and divorce me there and then. I said I will not attend to delay the divorce because we need to have childcare plans and financial arrangements in place. He said if I don’t attend the appointment in 2 weeks then apparently he is able to sign the forms without me and do the Islamic divorce without me even being present! He said women don’t get a say in islam so he will divorce me and send me a divorce paper through the post. How crazy is that? I feel so helpless. Ideally I wanted to save the marriage but I have no time and certainly no time to settle finances etc. Has any other Muslim woman with only an Islamic Nikkah ceremony been divorced by their husband without even being present at the mosque? Why do women in UK get no say in Islamic divorce? Since it is not a legal marriage I have no power or protection or rights.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 04/02/2023 11:45

Legally the divorce will be as meaningless as the marriage.
As far as UK law is concerned you were cohabiting but he IS liable for child support so pursue that.
You can’t save this relationship, he wants out and he has every right to do that but he does need to help financially support his children

mightymam · 04/02/2023 11:46

https://www.familylaw.co.uk/newsandd_comment/the-different-methods-of-islamic-separation-part-2-the-different-types-of-talaq

Islamic divorce can be as easy or as hard as you make it. Please get your own advice.

Natty13 · 04/02/2023 11:46

Not muslim but live in a majority muslim area and surrounded by friends colleagues. Last ditch you could try to tell the imam your husband has a duty to care for you and your children and by granting the quick divorce the imam is allowing the abandonment of a woman and small children which is definitely against the words of Allah. You were married under the eyes of Allah and that is meant to be sacred and respected, not thrown away easily. Put pressure on the imam that allowing this from your husband is un Islamic.

If a woman was homeless with 2 kids because her husband abandoned her im sure your mosque would take her in and help her, and rebuke her husband for his actions...so how can a religious leader set up a situation where this might happen?

FairyBatman · 04/02/2023 11:47

In reality an Islamic marriage and divorce has no legal standing in the UK unless you also had a civil marriage.

So from a legal standpoint you are effectively a cohabiting couple. You wouldn't be legally entitled to anything other than child maintenance, which you should claim ASAP.

HermioneWeasley · 04/02/2023 11:49

He has gone. The marriage isn’t legal and the “divorce” process is irrelevant. He’s left, you can’t save this relationship and you’re entitled to nothing other than maintenance for your kids, if you can get it.

he’s scum.

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:51

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/02/2023 11:32

It's shit, OP, but unfortunately it's what you signed up to when you entered into an Islamic marriage without registering it legally. Not knowingly, perhaps, but in the eyes of the UK law, you're not married and so you're not protected. Could an imam potentially help by talking to your husband if his family won't? I don't think there is any point in trying to make him stay in a marriage that he doesn't want to be in, but it might at least help with regard to the financial side of things?

You don’t understand. He has done this before. At least 5 times. He gets bored, unhappy of routine life at home, leaves to his mothers and returns after a few months. This is the first time he’s actually booked the Imam but in my experience he always comes back so he needs to give it more time as I know his track record for changing his mind

OP posts:
Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:52

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/02/2023 11:35

Why do you want to change his mind?

Divorce is frowned upon in Islam. Also he always changes his mind after he leaves. He usually gives it a few months then changes his mind again

OP posts:
FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 04/02/2023 11:55

I don’t think uk divorces can be held up anymore either, they changed the law last year.

If he’s done it before he’s going to do it again and again.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/02/2023 11:56

aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:51

You don’t understand. He has done this before. At least 5 times. He gets bored, unhappy of routine life at home, leaves to his mothers and returns after a few months. This is the first time he’s actually booked the Imam but in my experience he always comes back so he needs to give it more time as I know his track record for changing his mind

Show quote history

OK, OP, so maybe he can be persuaded to change his mind again. But what's the point? Honestly, is this really how you want to live? Because if he does come back, you can guarantee that he'll do this again and again. Why would you keep putting yourself through that? You deserve so much better.

MrsVeryIrritated · 04/02/2023 11:58

aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:19

Apparently he can say “talaq talaq talaq” and by saying that then he is also divorced and can sign the paper without me. Has any muslim woman in the UK been through this?? How can I buy myself time to save my marriage if divorce is this simple for the man.

I find it very strange that you did not know this. I knew this and am not Muslim.

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:58

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/02/2023 11:56

OK, OP, so maybe he can be persuaded to change his mind again. But what's the point? Honestly, is this really how you want to live? Because if he does come back, you can guarantee that he'll do this again and again. Why would you keep putting yourself through that? You deserve so much better.

Show quote history

You don’t understand divorce is frowned upon in Islam. It is a big embarrassment and shame on me and my kids and family that my husband has walked out on us. He usually takes some more time before he changes his mind

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/02/2023 11:59

Also, is this the kind of environment that you want your kids to grow up in? With their dad constantly coming and going, and unwilling to commit to family life?

I understand that divorce is frowned upon in Islam, but I presume that being a shit husband and putting your wife through he'll is also frowned upon?

You don't have to live like this. You can claim benefits as a single parent, and put in a claim for child maintenance to your husband. Otherwise you will just keep going round and round in this miserable cycle for ever.

Christmaspyjamas · 04/02/2023 11:59

aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:51

You don’t understand. He has done this before. At least 5 times. He gets bored, unhappy of routine life at home, leaves to his mothers and returns after a few months. This is the first time he’s actually booked the Imam but in my experience he always comes back so he needs to give it more time as I know his track record for changing his mind

Show quote history

I'm really sorry but the fact he has left so often before makes it MORE likely he will leave the relationship for good finally.

His family are supporting his decision...the appointment is booked.

You need to try and get maintenance sorted and get a financial agreement....in taking action on this he MAY be given pause for thought.....when it is made clear what he will need to pay each month

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:59

MrsVeryIrritated · 04/02/2023 11:58

I find it very strange that you did not know this. I knew this and am not Muslim.

Show quote history

So does it make us legally divorced? I just don’t know anything about my situation as it’s happened too quickly. I know our Nikkah has no legal basis but are we still married?

OP posts:
Christmaspyjamas · 04/02/2023 12:01

aishaali · 04/02/2023 11:59

So does it make us legally divorced? I just don’t know anything about my situation as it’s happened too quickly. I know our Nikkah has no legal basis but are we still married?

Show quote history

You were never legally married in the UK.

So you cannot be legally divorced.

Your legal marital status was and will remain 'single.

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 12:01

Am I currently still classed as a married woman up until he does the divorce? I know that Nikkah has no legal standing but are we still married? So can I contact solicitors or whomever to say I’m being divorced without my consent?

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/02/2023 12:02

It doesn't make you legally divorced because you weren't ever legally married.

By the way, the shame is all on him, no matter what your community try to tell you. He is the one who has walked out of his marriage. Don't buy into the misogynistic view that it must be the woman's fault.

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 12:03

Christmaspyjamas · 04/02/2023 12:01

You were never legally married in the UK.

So you cannot be legally divorced.

Your legal marital status was and will remain 'single.

Show quote history

So I’m not currently married? So these past 4 years I told everyone we are married. I know Nikkah has no legal protection in terms of finances etc but I still thought it is a marriage?

OP posts:
Simonjt · 04/02/2023 12:03

Your consent isn’t required for talaq, it wouldn’t be required if you were legally married either.

Original poster
aishaali · 04/02/2023 12:04

Simonjt · 04/02/2023 12:03

Your consent isn’t required for talaq, it wouldn’t be required if you were legally married either.

I don’t know what to do then to stop the divorce going ahead. I’m so stressed and so upset

OP posts:
Christmaspyjamas · 04/02/2023 12:05

aishaali · 04/02/2023 12:01

Am I currently still classed as a married woman up until he does the divorce? I know that Nikkah has no legal standing but are we still married? So can I contact solicitors or whomever to say I’m being divorced without my consent?

A solicitor cannot help you with the divorce really...

The solicitor is to help you get a financial agreement.

You can explain it to the solicitor like you have to us...about the Islamic marriage and divorce.

I'm really sorry

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/02/2023 12:06

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/02/2023 11:59

Also, is this the kind of environment that you want your kids to grow up in? With their dad constantly coming and going, and unwilling to commit to family life?

I understand that divorce is frowned upon in Islam, but I presume that being a shit husband and putting your wife through he'll is also frowned upon?

You don't have to live like this. You can claim benefits as a single parent, and put in a claim for child maintenance to your husband. Otherwise you will just keep going round and round in this miserable cycle for ever.

This.

You have to think of your children. He sounds like a shit father.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/02/2023 12:06

aishaali · 04/02/2023 12:01

Am I currently still classed as a married woman up until he does the divorce? I know that Nikkah has no legal standing but are we still married? So can I contact solicitors or whomever to say I’m being divorced without my consent?

I guess you're still classed as a married woman as far as Islam is concerned, until the Islamic divorce has formally taken place. From a legal standpoint, your status won't change because you weren't married in the first place.

My understanding of Islamic law is that you don't need to consent to the "divorce". I don't think solicitors will be able to challenge that - you would be better off seeking advice from an imam.

1stTimeMama · 04/02/2023 12:07

aishaali · 04/02/2023 12:03

So I’m not currently married? So these past 4 years I told everyone we are married. I know Nikkah has no legal protection in terms of finances etc but I still thought it is a marriage?

Show quote history

Not legally in the eyes of the UK law, no. You were just partners, boyfriend and girlfriend to put it in it's most basic of descriptions.

In which case a solicitor doesn't have anything to help you with, as there is nothing legally binding.

Hoppinggreen · 04/02/2023 12:08

aishaali · 04/02/2023 12:04

I don’t know what to do then to stop the divorce going ahead. I’m so stressed and so upset

Show quote history

You can’t
I am sorry but you need to accept it and focus on what to do next

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