Islamic divorce HELP

[aishaali]

I have a Nikkah in the UK so it is not recognised as a civil marriage. I have two kids and we were Islamically married for 4 years. My husband left me 2 months ago and has told me he has booked an Islamic divorce with an imam in 2 weeks time. He doesn’t pay any maintenance or anything, he has just left to live with his parents, and I am left with the 2 kids at home paying rent. The thing is I have no financial protection here or no rights whatsoever. I told him I won’t be attending the Islamic divorce because it is too soon. A legal divorce takes months, even years to settle, and somehow for an Islamic divorce he can literally sign a paper with an imam present and divorce me there and then. I said I will not attend to delay the divorce because we need to have childcare plans and financial arrangements in place. He said if I don’t attend the appointment in 2 weeks then apparently he is able to sign the forms without me and do the Islamic divorce without me even being present! He said women don’t get a say in islam so he will divorce me and send me a divorce paper through the post. How crazy is that? I feel so helpless. Ideally I wanted to save the marriage but I have no time and certainly no time to settle finances etc. Has any other Muslim woman with only an Islamic Nikkah ceremony been divorced by their husband without even being present at the mosque? Why do women in UK get no say in Islamic divorce? Since it is not a legal marriage I have no power or protection or rights.

a lot of my friends say my husband is good looking and I’m lucky to have him.

Do they also know how badly he treats you?

Don't be ashamed Op-be glad that he can be got rid of Op.

If anyone would make you feel ashamed then they are not worth knowing.

@Busybusybusy don't worry mn can remove if you report your post

@Busybusybusy
It's best you start your own thread rather than jumping on to someone else's.

Go to the top of the page and on the right there's a Start New thread button

@Busybusybusy report the post and ask for removal then post again

Do you really want to live like this? With an unreliable man who keeps walking and out and coming back?

Start a claim for child maintenance and make sure he supports his children.

Perhaps he wants a divorce this time because the other woman is pregnant?

What a weird thread are there gremlins in the system today?

Sorry to hear this OP.

Seek a solicitor to help you get the financial support you need. From now on just be glad to be rid of him.

I'm not sure this is helpful to OP, she's worried enough about the sigma of "divorce " without you spelling it out to her. I know your intent was to criticise the culture (and I don't disagree with you by the way) but maybe this wasn't the place.

UK law applies to everyone living in UK., regardless of religion or nationality.
UK law trumps Sharia, and the "courts" of Christian churches.

IN UK, the absent parent (in UK) of a child can be required by a court to pay Child Maintenance to the custody parent (in UK) who cares for the child. Regardless of religion, regardless of whether the parents were ever legally married, or even lived together.

<www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service>.

You do not need to be present for him to divorce you. I know this is not helpful but I am assuming you knew you had no legal protection when you agreed to the Nikkah.

Did you bring a dowry or any of your own money into the marriage OP?

As you are now living alone with your children, do check that you are oay8ng the right council tax - as only one adult in the house. You may be eligible for more benefits as a single person too, so worth checking that.

Is his name on the children’s birth certificates? When you registered their births? If so, as soon then contact CMS and start a claim for him to pay for his children, ho much depends on his salary.

as everyone else has said, as you live in the UK, you are not legally married as you chose not to have a civil service at the same time as your Islamic Nikkah. So no legal divorce.

do you have your own separate bank account where your own money is, so he cannot take your money? If not, open one immediately to protect you.

Yes, I have to say, I also suspect this to be a weird thread. The naivete of apparently not understanding what are these situations mean, despite being born into islam feels a little bit peculiar to me

As pp said, you are modelling your values to your children. Do you have a daughter? Would you want her to go through what you are? If you have a son would you accept him treating a partner as yours is treating you.

Move forward without this toxic man in your life. You have good advice from pp how to move forward financially, I hope your family support you. If there is any shame in this break up it is his, not yours.

Why do you want to spend your life with someone who doesn't give a shith about you?

Goodness. He’s left you five times and cheats?

I’m surprised you do not understand the implications of the religious marriage you entered. That no one educated you and you didn’t even Google. As others said in the uk you are not legally married. So have no legal rights. The only rights are to support for the children which any father has to pay.

if he does come back as per usual, tell him that you will not consent to the continuation of the ‘ marriage’, unless he also goes through a UK civil partnership or registry office marriage with you.
You are British, I think. That’s what the British do ( well, the sensible ones, anyway.)

If you accept this man to come back to your life you are a terrible example to your daughter: no self worth and respect and you are setting a terrible example to your son: this is acceptable behaviour from a man.
for Christ sake he has done this 5 times - he has slept with another woman.
he is a terrible man, definitely not a practising Muslim in the decent sense: respect for his wife and family. His family are crap and clearly enable this behaviour.
yet you are worried about looking bad in the community. You look awful for staying with him.
I am sorry for been so blunt but you are truly deluded.

Seconding everyone who has recommended a solicitor as quite a number out there have articles and discussions that might be relevant to you (depending on the status of your Nikah in the country where it was performed).

awhsolicitors.co.uk/articles/family/islamic-marriage-recognised-in-the-uk/

What are you talking about. She’s not legally married there is nothing a solicitor can do. She is entitled to child maintenance depending on the custody agreement, and cms will sort that.

Did you even read that article? Which states on the ops case she’s not married? Given what she’s said?

This. How is it that you’ve entered an Islamic marriage with little understanding of what to expect if it ends in divorce?

I call BS on this thread and the OP's previous one. None of it makes sense.

Surely I cannot be the only one who thinks that this OP is a complete wind up. How can someone who was born into the faith, who clearly has family around for support, not be aware of the rules around Nikkah?
The may not be aware of the rules around child maintenance etc, but I cannot see how anyone who has grown up around this culture and faith does not know the rules about Islamic marriages. I know many girls who have been married under these circumstances, and even the most poorly educated and conservative (generally from Bangladesh) know the rules and procedures.
Nah. OP is having a laugh at MN users expense. Complete wind up.