After 22 years together he now asks me to pay half?

[Nina55]

22 long-term relationship – unmarried 2 kids

Partner owns a house and pays bills which the 4 of us live in – often referring to this even now as his house / his bedroom verbally.

We have worked together for the last 20 years, perfectly fine, in his company. He pays me 1600 every 6 months, which I mainly being spent on kids, although I do work nearly full time, I do have lots of flexible time to move things about to suit the kids' needs.

Recently, he’s become more controlling and wanted me to do a job for a client I am not comfortable with. I explained the reasons why but he’s just not listening and twisting my reasons back to me.

He’s now saying I don’t want to work/contribute (which isn’t true) and should find another job. Over the last 20 years, I worked very hard to support the company.

I said fine. Then he followed up by expecting me to pay half of all the bills, which he never ever requested before in fact he made it clear it shouldn't when we first met. His financial situation is very good. I feel he’s just being controlling. Or is he right?

Tell me what you think. He says I am crazy and over-reacting …
You can be harsh, I just don't know what to think of this.

What should I do?

I thought slavery had been abolished

Hang on....nearly full time and you get paid 3200 per year??

He's paid you £3200 a year for a full time job? OP that is shocking, you are getting paid wildly below the national minimum wage and he is completely taking advantage of you even before you consider his reaction to the current situation! You need a lawyer and you need to get paid properly what you're owed.

1600 every six months? Wtaf?

Yep

What am I reading?

You work virtually full time for your partner and he pays you £3,200 per year? And you spend that on the children?

You are living in his house which he quite rightly says is his. You're not married to him.

What is this job he wants you to do? Is it something seedy?

You need a new job asap.

I'd also consider a new partner too.

You need to contact Women's Aid asap. Here's the link:

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

This is one of the clearest cases of financial abuse I’ve seen on here.

Nothing seedy. I do SEO, design, admin, accounting, graphics ... work from home, nothing stressful.

So what money do you use for clothes, transport, sanitary products, shampoo, gifts, etc, etc???

You should be paying half the bills yes.

The problem is you're working in a crappy job that doesn't pay you enough money to do that.

Get another job, one thats not connected to him.

You should bill him then. Minimum wage if you feel generous but y whatever your actual hourly rate should be. THEN see about contributing if he hasn’t given you the ick.

say you rang ACAS to scare him. Do you have a contract?

For this to happen after 22 years I would wonder who he's been talking to.

Have you noticed any other unusual behaviour OP?

This is a disaster. You need legal advice. Have you made pension contributions? National insurance? You could get to retirement age and have absolutely nothing to show for it.

Clothes and gifts come out of the 3200, I buy nearly all my own clothes second-hand. The others are groceries which he does pay for as well.

so how many years have you worked for him?
do you have payslips or a contract?
how many hours a week do you work
are the dc his?

because at a wild guess, you're not even getting min wage,
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/pay/getting-paid-less-than-minimum-wage-or-living-wage/

Thank you. I have never heard of this but will look into it.

This is shocking!!

How many hours a week do you work?

Who does the school run, cooks, cleans etc?

Oh dear, you are extremely vulnerable financially so he has you over a barrel. I think he is right and that you should find another job and then move out and start your life again without this controlling ar*e in it!

Is your job "on the books?", I mean do you get a payslip and is tax and NI etc. deducted?

I really cannot believe the pittance you are being given. He is probably thinking he makes up the rest with bills, accommodation and so on.

You have to think carefully here. You have no rights as a co-habitant. Do you want to stay, get a new job and pay half the bills? How much are the bills, have you asked what the figure he is talking about is and what for?

If you love him to bits, and if having got a job you will have more disposable income for yourself, that may be enough for you. On the other hand..... well do think it through.

I think I would be tempted to issue him with an invoice for every hour that you have worked at the company, this is possibly the most horrible thing I have ever read with reference to a couple working together.

£3200 per year works out at £61.54 per week, which for what you do for the Company should work out as minimum 2 to 3 hours work.

OP
is the £3200 some sort of dividend and you have shares in the company?

What do I think?
I think you are a bit fucked.
You've been a sahp for 22 years whilst working full time for pretty much free, have zero financial independence or security, don't own a house, have no pension.

If he chooses to leave you, then you start over with nothing.

Get a job or retrain or train in something that will give you some independence.
Or.
Keep him onside and agree to everything otherwise he will make your life difficult

(choose option 1, op)

What's really going on for him to change this agreement after all this time?

Is he saving money to leave you? Does he need money for something else like an affair/drugs/gambling?