After 22 years together he now asks me to pay half?

[Nina55]

22 long-term relationship – unmarried 2 kids

Partner owns a house and pays bills which the 4 of us live in – often referring to this even now as his house / his bedroom verbally.

We have worked together for the last 20 years, perfectly fine, in his company. He pays me 1600 every 6 months, which I mainly being spent on kids, although I do work nearly full time, I do have lots of flexible time to move things about to suit the kids' needs.

Recently, he’s become more controlling and wanted me to do a job for a client I am not comfortable with. I explained the reasons why but he’s just not listening and twisting my reasons back to me.

He’s now saying I don’t want to work/contribute (which isn’t true) and should find another job. Over the last 20 years, I worked very hard to support the company.

I said fine. Then he followed up by expecting me to pay half of all the bills, which he never ever requested before in fact he made it clear it shouldn't when we first met. His financial situation is very good. I feel he’s just being controlling. Or is he right?

Tell me what you think. He says I am crazy and over-reacting …
You can be harsh, I just don't know what to think of this.

What should I do?

Look, you’re apparently intelligent enough to use the internet to teach yourself graphic design, but not to know that three thousand two hundred pounds a year is about a tenth of the actual wage you should be paid?

This doesn’t ring true.

I really hope this is fake

Why are you working for him on such a very low wage when you could earn so much more even working minimum wage? I don’t understand how this set up has come about and you agreed to it

I am curious to know why you don't and didn't want to marry him all this time. Was it because you knew what he was like and didn't want marriage?

Few questions, sorry!

Are you on companies house as a director or shareholder? If you are Do not sign any paperwork relating to this until you have taken legal advice.
Is he paying you dividends and possibly keeping this money himself?
Is he paying you a wage and keeping the money?
Do you get a payslip or a P60?

couid he have met someone? Hence he wants you out of the business? Hence I said don’t sign anything at present.

And I’m not troll hunting, I’m saying there must surely be more to this. Why would anyone live like this?

Do you realise that for the work you've described you could be earning around £40k and still have the work from home benefits?

This is financial abuse.

@Nina55 We have little stress, but I am equal owner of the house and we are married so have equal rights to everything else.

Is there a reason you haven't married?
WHY did you start working for him for £1600 every 6 months? Surely you should be getting paid that a MONTH for the hours you are working?

As per pp, get on companies house - have a look if you're a shareholder.

you will not be entitled to state pension at that rate - the min to qualify is £732 a month.

Please speak to Women’s Aid

You are in a very vulnerable position - especially as you don’t know if the £1600 is dividends or salary.

Get as much evidence as you can if you ever leave him you can probably get back pay as modern slavery. Even if it’s a family company get minimum wage through payroll so you get pension entitlement.

Jeez OP why on earth did you even agree to this set up?

You realise that he holds EVERY card right?

Not a joke ... I am semi teared up reading all the messages but only semi ... I am generally a positive person but didn't really think my initial message would lead to these responses.

With respect, what were you expecting from the responses? You cannot possibly think that this is a normal situation.

Thank you. I will.

I think it's on the books but I get paid by cheque every 6 months. I do believe NI is paid.

Sorry to sound harsh OP but why are you so utterly clueless about your own life situation?

Serious financial abuse. No protection, no rights, no wage to rely on. He's done very very well out of this arrangement. Add a bit of coercive control by forcing you to do work you don't want to do. This is slave labour.

I would really start looking around for work. You have 20 years' experience.

He needs to make this more equitable and give you some security.

Sorry the messages have upset you, OP. You sound like a very trusting person.

To those posters who ask why you would put up with this, I'd say that often in relationships there's an assumption of mutual trust and teamwork.

He's thrown you a curveball. I would be wondering why now.

Sounds like he’s forcing your hand to leave. Has he had his head turned?

He pays all the bills though ...

I do now. Yes.

If it is this, you will have signed documents setting it up

you say you do the accounts, it will be there

I am not sure which is worse, you having no idea how you are employed or someone possibly conning you. If you are a shareholder in a company and you didn't take the trouble to inform yourself...the mind boggles.

Tell him you'll report him he should be paying you minimum wage that's illegal. What a prick. Leave him

This is slave labour. A role like what you describe you do would probably demand at least 25k per year salary yet he gets it for a fractión of that. You have no stake in the company, no stake in the house and have brought up his kids for years.

Get legal advice asap. This is truly shocking and he should be sued for paying below minimum wage

If you have accepted this as 'normal' for 22 years then I'm sorry, but none of us can help you,

You need legal advice and quickly.

I'm assuming everything is in his name?

If he's wanting to change his 'deal' after all this time then there is something else going on. I would suspect another woman.

And you will be up shit street unless you sort things out NOW.

How on earth did you let it get to this?

No P60 and yes I am signing papers, once a year. I think on CH I am noted as company secretary.