After 22 years together he now asks me to pay half?

[Nina55]

22 long-term relationship – unmarried 2 kids

Partner owns a house and pays bills which the 4 of us live in – often referring to this even now as his house / his bedroom verbally.

We have worked together for the last 20 years, perfectly fine, in his company. He pays me 1600 every 6 months, which I mainly being spent on kids, although I do work nearly full time, I do have lots of flexible time to move things about to suit the kids' needs.

Recently, he’s become more controlling and wanted me to do a job for a client I am not comfortable with. I explained the reasons why but he’s just not listening and twisting my reasons back to me.

He’s now saying I don’t want to work/contribute (which isn’t true) and should find another job. Over the last 20 years, I worked very hard to support the company.

I said fine. Then he followed up by expecting me to pay half of all the bills, which he never ever requested before in fact he made it clear it shouldn't when we first met. His financial situation is very good. I feel he’s just being controlling. Or is he right?

Tell me what you think. He says I am crazy and over-reacting …
You can be harsh, I just don't know what to think of this.

What should I do?

OP please do speak with womens aid and a solicitor. This is financial abuse! You are in an extremely precarious position.
You live in a house that HE earns, have no money of yourself, aren't even sure if you will be eligible for a pension. If he decides to chuck you out you're absolutely fucked.

Please check your NI record www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

Recently, he’s become more controlling

didnt get any further than this

you earn 3200 a year. For full time work.
does that not strike you as a bit odd.

Why did you agree to this arrangement in the first place?

What he is doing is illegal. Everyone in this country has to be paid minimum wage. I’d speak to an employment solicitor today.

He hasn’t paid you minimum wage, so you’ll be able to make a claim for back payments of minimum wage for the years you’ve worked there.

Youll need evidence so I would start collecting evidence - your solicitor will be able to advise. Payslips / cheques / bank accounts / company logins / emails referring to your working hours etc would be good places to start.

The payout from that employment claim will likely be enough for you to restart your life.

I would also ring women's aid today. You’re being abused- shocking case of financial abuse. They may be able to help you take legal action.

Keep this secret OP- if abusers think you’re going to leave they ramp up what they’re doing. Could lead to violence, so keep safe.

It's a nice story. No one is this stupid!

Holy shit OP that’s the worst case of financial abuse I’ve ever read on here. I hope you get help and manage to escape him.

If he only pays you £1600 a month then surely you have been contributing to the house as he has been taking money out of your wages for it? Otherwise why the hell would he thinking this is a reasonable amount to pay you and why would you of accepted this?? What he has paid you is illegal

OP what the actual hell ?! Is this real?? Sounds like you’ve been both a stay at home mother and also his full time work skivvy?? I’d be out that door immediately if I was you.

OP, how have you managed to live on 3,200 a year?
Who pays for your food, shelter, clothing, travel, vehicle, and your share of the cost of expenses for your children?

Expecting you to.pay half of expenses is not unreasonable. You are an adult. Expecting you to pay half when you are earning 3,200 a year is absurd.

You need a real job that pays industry wages. You could then pay a fair and equal share of your household expenses.

You need to leave him OP.

This is ridiculous. He pays you literal pennies for a year worth of work, and still expects you to pay out on top of that for your own clothes and everything for the kids.

You would be a fool to

A) stay in the company
B) stay in a relationship with him

Not per month. £1600 every 6 months.

I don’t understand why so many people are giving the OP a hard time. She’s in an abusive marriage. It’s like the frog in boiling water. How about some compassion rather than blame?

A friend of mine was in a financially abusive marriage. Also verbally and physically in the end. She did leave. She stayed with her parents for a bit but now has her own place. It wasn’t easy but she’s doing a lot better now.

I wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone.

OP is it that you are a director or shareholder of the company, and not an employee? So the £3200 is divided and not wages?? An easy check is if you have self assessments each year for tax rather than a P60

You can check out the company easily and for free online at Companies House, will show who the current directors are and go through the confirmation statements to find latest update on shareholders

Echo what others have said - you need to check out your NI status asap

Things can snowball when supporting someone else’s business and complicated when over such a long time, kids get involved and a house etc, but full time for almost no money or access to money for yourself is abuse

I think the previous poster think s a mortgage and house deeds are the same thing. Of course you are not vulnerable by not being on a mortgage (if there were one) but you are vulnerable because you are not on the house deeds.

On the off chance that this is real- OP, why have you been going along with this for 20 years? You've been paid £3200 a year for near full time work and are financially dependent on a man who has no legal obligation to you beyond child maintenance payments.

@SpookyBlackCat the OP here isn't married and thus does not have the financial protection afforded by marriage.

This is what I was going to say!
And phone Women's Aid. This could well require police involvement.

It could well be you know but I am very much in the dark of the exact set up.

I normally start working around 9 (after school run and a quick tidy up) until 12 or 1, have lunch abt 40 min. Than until 3:25. School run again. Than from about 4:15 till 6 ish then I cook dinner. Obv this varies sometimes.

WTF?!

You can search for the company’s details, accounts and set up on the Companies House website.

It all sounds very dodgy indeed. Is NI payable on such av low wage. I didn't think it was.

Look up the companies name on companies house OP and check!

find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk

Out of interest - where do you benefit at all from this set up?

I know and I have tried to address this but according to him I am luck as I have little stress.