After 22 years together he now asks me to pay half?

[Nina55]

22 long-term relationship – unmarried 2 kids

Partner owns a house and pays bills which the 4 of us live in – often referring to this even now as his house / his bedroom verbally.

We have worked together for the last 20 years, perfectly fine, in his company. He pays me 1600 every 6 months, which I mainly being spent on kids, although I do work nearly full time, I do have lots of flexible time to move things about to suit the kids' needs.

Recently, he’s become more controlling and wanted me to do a job for a client I am not comfortable with. I explained the reasons why but he’s just not listening and twisting my reasons back to me.

He’s now saying I don’t want to work/contribute (which isn’t true) and should find another job. Over the last 20 years, I worked very hard to support the company.

I said fine. Then he followed up by expecting me to pay half of all the bills, which he never ever requested before in fact he made it clear it shouldn't when we first met. His financial situation is very good. I feel he’s just being controlling. Or is he right?

Tell me what you think. He says I am crazy and over-reacting …
You can be harsh, I just don't know what to think of this.

What should I do?

Are you paying into a pension OP?

Do you have a pension?

What he is doing is clearly very illegal and fraudulent at the least.
You need to leave and get the police involved.

You are in such a vulnerable position it's shocking. I'm concerned he's in the process of ending things. If he does, you will have nothing. You need to seek help and do so immediately.

Tell him to find someone else to work FT & pay them £3200.

Then get a FT job of your own & ask to be put on the mortgage.

You’re in a v vulnerable position - unmarried & not on the mortgage.

Have you at least been claiming child benefit so that your NI has been paid?

I think it's on the books but I get paid by cheque every 6 months. I do believe NI is paid.

How old are your kids? Have you had any other work?

I agree with the others, this is serious financial abuse. He could put you out tomorrow and you'd have absolutely nothing. No money, no job, no house. Nothing. You need to get proper legal advice ASAP.

No mortgage.

@Nina55 He pays me 1600 every 6 months, which I mainly being spent on kids, although I do work nearly full time, I do have lots of flexible time to move things about to suit the kids' needs.

I’m assuming your post is a joke because it sounds like science fiction. If you’re for real your partner is a stingy jerk with zero empathy who deserves to be thrown at the sharks in the middle of the ocean. There’s a reason why he hasn’t married you and has the house in his name, because he can kick you out and not pay a dime.

if I were you I would be calling a marriage solicitor ASAP, knowing we’re I stand (financial speaking) and what I’m entitled to if I walk out on this jerk.

OP, please please please seek independent advice from a solicitor. You're in an incredibly vulnerable position – no pension, no sick pay, no meaningful earning potential because you've essentially been working illegally all these years and I highly doubt your "D"P would write you a glowing reference for a new job. You may not have been paying the mortgage and bills but your slave labour has enabled him to do so, so for 20 years you've been contributing towards a house you now have NO claim on. I'm genuinely frightened for you.

Out of interest, do you know what half the bills would be?

Teenagers - Yes, for 2 years before I started working for him.

Op is the payment every six months a dividend, are you a director or shareholder?

This is what I do in a self employed capacity. I charge £30 per hour…

You are clearly an intelligent woman, OP, but you've really lost your marbles with this one.

How did you get your training?

Why do you think it's OK to work without getting paid?

Honestly, no idea at all. He takes care of all that.

I taught myself the most. Not much these days you cannot learn online ...

OK so assuming you are not working for him.....

What is your wage compared to his. I'm assuming he earns a lot more if he's giving you money?

If he stopped the £1600, would that make it even?

You're aware that this is absolutely nuts, right?

I'd bet my house that this job isn't on the books, or anything of the sort.

Do you have access to any other money? What about food shopping, things for the kids, holidays, school trips, toiletries, etc etc?

You're in an unbelievably vulnerable position and being completely exploited.

I'd honestly seriously consider leaving this man. However, you really do need to get your own 'proper' job with your own income and start from there.

I have to go now sorry ... he is about.

What @ArcticSkewer says. If he hasn't been paying your National Insurance contributions either you may not even get state pension. Send him the bill for 20 years back pay, pension contributions, childcare, housekeeping. Then tell him your day rate for the awkward client project is £500 per day.

Yes, my mum would help. Or at least until I get a job.

Does he know if you were married and he paid you well it would be better tax wise than your current situation? I knew someone who worked part time for her husband's business and earn £40,000 p.a. because it was better tax wise for them as a family.