Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has decided that i can do all the housework

235 replies

needagoodnightsleep1 · 03/01/2023 23:29

Led here in disbelief and pretty pissed off and need to have a little rant.
Ive been having doubts for some while about wether to end my marriage or not. Its been hard work, too hard!! Long story but i find him very self centred and lazy and it appears to be getting worse. He's not a very good husband or father and to be honest I'm not even sure why I'm still with him!! Im half way out the door.

Tonight he tells me that he's thought about the housework/shopping/washing etc and he states that seeing as he works more than me (i work 4 days and he works 5), that on the 5th day of him working i should do all the housework so on the two days off nothing will need doing. We have a 3 year old dd who i like to take to soft play lunch etc on my day off so its not like its a day off to myself.

I already do 90% of the housework the house is clean and organised, its me who makes sure all the bills are paid, holidays birthdays and Christmas are sorted.
And now I'm over reacting to his suggestions because not only will he not need to do anything on his two days off apparently neither will i!!
Led here feeling like an absolute fool and ready to end this marriage for good

OP posts:
JoyPeaceSleep · 03/01/2023 23:31

What an arsehole. Are you in the mood for sex often with such an arsehole

cleanbreak2022 · 03/01/2023 23:35

Ok, my first reaction is your DH is a total toss pit and how on earth he expects you to do all of that with a three year old in tow is beyond me. I'm guessing (given that he think this is possible) he does little to f*ck all with your DC and has no idea if how much work is involved.

I would in your position definitely reconsider the marriage. You're his maid!

Alternatively, tell him you're going back to work 5 days, divvy up all the chores (including mental load) and spilt them 50/50. Include everything, bills, HV appointments, activities for DC, meal planning/prep/shopping, washing/ironing, tidying/cleaning.

IHateFlies · 03/01/2023 23:35

What did you say to his stupid suggestion?

Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 03/01/2023 23:35

Strangely no!! Another area on conflict but he doesn't understand why

OP posts:
Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 03/01/2023 23:37

IHateFlies · 03/01/2023 23:35

What did you say to his stupid suggestion?

Im not your maid!! If you want me to do everything leave, you'll be one less mouth to feed and one less person to clean up after. Im over reacting apparently

OP posts:
Pterrydactyl · 03/01/2023 23:41

What, no one’s going to need to do any housework on your DH’s day off?

Does he think magic fairies will wash the dishes after his meals, and do anything else that needs doing on his days off?

Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 03/01/2023 23:41

cleanbreak2022 · 03/01/2023 23:35

Ok, my first reaction is your DH is a total toss pit and how on earth he expects you to do all of that with a three year old in tow is beyond me. I'm guessing (given that he think this is possible) he does little to f*ck all with your DC and has no idea if how much work is involved.

I would in your position definitely reconsider the marriage. You're his maid!

Alternatively, tell him you're going back to work 5 days, divvy up all the chores (including mental load) and spilt them 50/50. Include everything, bills, HV appointments, activities for DC, meal planning/prep/shopping, washing/ironing, tidying/cleaning.

I did consider saying that but then i thought why should I. I imagine the grunt work will still be left to me. So might aswell stick to my 4 days and just get rid of him

OP posts:
IHateFlies · 03/01/2023 23:42

Stand your ground but really, if you're married to someone who doesn't deeply care about you, it's a tough life.
Sorry you're in this situation.

Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 03/01/2023 23:42

Pterrydactyl · 03/01/2023 23:41

What, no one’s going to need to do any housework on your DH’s day off?

Does he think magic fairies will wash the dishes after his meals, and do anything else that needs doing on his days off?

Well exactly! Guess the dishes will sat there for me on my cleaning day Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 03/01/2023 23:44

@IHateFlies thank you. I intend too! Im not his slave I will not be backing down. Im livid he wouldn't even suggest it

OP posts:
Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 03/01/2023 23:45

Honestly this doesn't sound salvageable

Partly because you (understandably) sound like you are already emotionally checked out of the relationship

Partly because he is a selfish slob who probably wouldn't bother to put the effort in even if you did try to salvage the relationship

And you cannot save a relationship unless both people are willing to do the work

All that happens when one person makes all the effort is resentment and unhappiness

You will have a whole lot less housework to do without him...

Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 03/01/2023 23:47

@Letitrainletitrainletitrain i honestly don't think it is either. He think I'm over reacting to his 'suggestions' but I'm done now.

OP posts:
jannier · 03/01/2023 23:53

While you're deciding I guess you're not cooking any meals for him because it's not your housework day. Couldn't do your washing too much for one day. What an arse

Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 03/01/2023 23:56

jannier · 03/01/2023 23:53

While you're deciding I guess you're not cooking any meals for him because it's not your housework day. Couldn't do your washing too much for one day. What an arse

No way!! Ive put on a load of washing tonight and left his in the basket!!

OP posts:
Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:02

He's just come into the room ranting how how unhappy and miserable i am!! He's now packing a bag I've asked him to leave and told him our marriage is over

OP posts:
HappyNewYear2023 · 04/01/2023 00:06

Honestly OP. Let him go.

Sounds bloody awful.

Soonenough · 04/01/2023 00:10

Not often that a LTB is acted out live ! The way you described him , this idea of his seems to be the last straw for you. It is his whole attitude that is a problem. I was going to ask if he had any redeeming qualities for you but I guess not. Good for you for not tolerating his crap behaviour.

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 04/01/2023 00:12

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:02

He's just come into the room ranting how how unhappy and miserable i am!! He's now packing a bag I've asked him to leave and told him our marriage is over

Good for you, I bet you are a whole lot less 'unhappy and miserable' when you no longer have someone expecting you to be his service human being rather than an actual person

IWineAndDontDine · 04/01/2023 00:14

Aside from the obvious he's a twat and you are better off without him comment, I can't get the housework done with 7 days at home with my toddler, let alone 1 😂😂 who the fuck does he think you are

Stickytoff · 04/01/2023 00:18

You cannot negotiate with unreasonable people. He sounds like a complete and utter arse and it does sound like you have an accurate perception of him.

justasking111 · 04/01/2023 00:21

Wonder where he'll be laying his head tonight.

Ah well sounds like you're well rid of the slug

Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:21

@Soonenough any redeeming qualities he may have had were far out weighed by his selfishness.

OP posts:
Suprima · 04/01/2023 00:22

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:02

He's just come into the room ranting how how unhappy and miserable i am!! He's now packing a bag I've asked him to leave and told him our marriage is over

You are excellent OP

this is the energy that the relationships board needs

too many women married to men who don’t like them nor value them

IWineAndDontDine · 04/01/2023 00:22

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:02

He's just come into the room ranting how how unhappy and miserable i am!! He's now packing a bag I've asked him to leave and told him our marriage is over

Fucking hell I missed that! Well done, that must have taken some guts

Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:23

@Letitrainletitrainletitrain ive got a feeling your right and little miss miserable left with him half an hour ago haha

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread