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Original poster

Should I message?

384 replies

AbiVenete · 03/01/2023 10:21

Years ago, while backpacking, I met a man who I instantly clicked with and we had a whirlwind 7 days of the most amazing sex I have ever had. We both had separate flights and we agreed to meet back in UK. He wrote his name and number in a book (this predates mobiles and Facebook) which I then lost.

A few weeks ago, while reading the news online, I instantly recognised his face, name the same… he has just taken a high profile job in my region. I immediately felt that tinge of excitement, looked him up, he’s on LinkedIn but nothing obvious anywhere else so no idea if he’s single or anything.

Am I being ridiculous to think about messaging? He probably a) wont remember me b) is married or unavailable. I am single again and keep drafting messages but unsure exactly what to say. Should I message or just leave it in the past?

OP posts:
VisaGeezer · 03/01/2023 10:32

He's unlikely to be single.

If you can do more research to establish if he's attached or not, I'd do that before trying to contact him.

Loosingitall · 03/01/2023 10:34

I’d just message, explain you lost the book with his details all those years ago and ask how he’s been.
nothing to loose.

VisaGeezer · 03/01/2023 10:34

Maybe 192 people or something, I think it uses the electoral role. You'll see who's living at the same address during electoral roll polls.

caravanbuckie · 03/01/2023 10:35

I would leave it. It's in your far distant past and you have great memories of that week. Don't risk spoiling that now.

VisaGeezer · 03/01/2023 10:40

we agreed to meet back in UK. He wrote his name and number in a book (this predates mobiles and Facebook) which I then lost.

And no offence but if it was me on the receiving end, I'd think someone who's interested enough/excited enough about meeting me again years later to message me out of the blue - but who managed to lose the only contact details they had for me when we were actually in contact/had just had an intense sexual/romantic time together... Has got a be a bit flaky and I'd be worried they might be a bit crazy.

But he's unlikely to be single anyway.

NeverGonnaNot · 03/01/2023 10:40

Is he on social media like Facebook where you can just send a friend request?

Spottypaperbag · 03/01/2023 10:40

Message , what have you got to lose? If he is attached I am sure you'd find out pretty quickly, if not it could be a wonderful case of serendipity.

Original poster
AbiVenete · 03/01/2023 10:44

NeverGonnaNot · 03/01/2023 10:40

Is he on social media like Facebook where you can just send a friend request?

Not that I can obviously see. His job is one that might mean he needs to be less easily found

OP posts:
VisaGeezer · 03/01/2023 10:44

Pre mobiles and FB means ..... Early 2000s (?)

(Although plenty of people did have mobiles then).

That's 20 or more years ago.

That's a very long time to contact someone with zero contact in between saying you lost their details, with clearly not much effort out into getting any details for them in the months after you lost them, and not bothered cause you've been in relationships.

toucancancan · 03/01/2023 10:46

Go for it! Life's too short to wonder what if....

VisaGeezer · 03/01/2023 10:46

You might just come across as "eccentric" - and the likelihood of half way attractive, personable people with good jobs over the age of 30 something being single; is low, I find.

Original poster
AbiVenete · 03/01/2023 10:47

VisaGeezer · 03/01/2023 10:40

we agreed to meet back in UK. He wrote his name and number in a book (this predates mobiles and Facebook) which I then lost.

And no offence but if it was me on the receiving end, I'd think someone who's interested enough/excited enough about meeting me again years later to message me out of the blue - but who managed to lose the only contact details they had for me when we were actually in contact/had just had an intense sexual/romantic time together... Has got a be a bit flaky and I'd be worried they might be a bit crazy.

But he's unlikely to be single anyway.

Thanks, pretty certain I’m not flaky or a bit crazy. Totally crazy maybe, I don’t do things by halves!

in reality, my bag was stolen on a train, I lost several things, most expensive was my camera the most significant was that book, I really wanted to meet again in uk.

OP posts:
Original poster
AbiVenete · 03/01/2023 10:50

Spottypaperbag · 03/01/2023 10:40

Message , what have you got to lose? If he is attached I am sure you'd find out pretty quickly, if not it could be a wonderful case of serendipity.

It is the serendipity… after all these years to see him in the same region as me, by chance, is exciting

OP posts:
ModeWeasel · 03/01/2023 10:50

I would message.

baileys6904 · 03/01/2023 10:51

What will you regret most, trying and not getting a positive outcome, or not trying at all and never knowing?

I know which I'd go for...

ToBeOrNotToBee · 03/01/2023 10:51

Do it.

What's the worst that could happen?

ToBeOrNotToBee · 03/01/2023 10:51

Do it.

What's the worst that could happen?

VisaGeezer · 03/01/2023 10:51

my bag was stolen on a train

Fair enough.

That's shit.

But I'm just thinking about what I'd think if I was on the receiving end if the message and I'd wonder why the person hadn't sort of memorised my address is they were so keen (kern enough to contact me decades later when they saw me in the press) or why didn't put more effort into getting contact details for me, if they knew the town/area etc. Back then There were residential phone books etc.

Also, did he not have your details too? How come he didn't contact you at some point if he was equally keen?

As I said, I doubt he's single anyway.

Purplecatshopaholic · 03/01/2023 10:52

I would do it. Nothing ventured…

BrianWankum · 03/01/2023 10:54

Message him. Worst case scenario, he ignores you? You're not in a worse position than you are now!

NeverGonnaNot · 03/01/2023 10:58

I would do it.

I did once when I saw an article about someone I knew from the past. It referred to where he worked so I wrote a short friendly letter to him. I never heard back but never mind!

SwedishEdith · 03/01/2023 11:00

Why didn't he have your details? I may message but it would need to be the lightest, breeziest, shortest message. No mention of the stolen notebook. And prepare yourself for no reply or a short one going nowhere.

Original poster
AbiVenete · 03/01/2023 11:01

Ok, I’m going to message. Worst thing is he doesn’t remember me or has no interest as he thinks I’m ‘eccentric’, ‘flaky’ or ‘crazy’.

OP posts:
been and done it. · 03/01/2023 11:02

I saw my first boyfriend's name on SM a couple of months ago. He's now living abroad. I texted him to ask if he remembered me and said it was good to see he was living his best life. I had no agenda for too old and married but it was just nice to contact him. We haven't kept in touch..no need on either part- just nice memories.

SwedishEdith · 03/01/2023 11:03

Plus, you're remembering who he was. He, and you, will have changed. And you're not carefree backpackers anymore. So, maybe but with eyes very wide open.

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