Found something put about a man I'm really into... wwyd?

[007sky]

We have been dating for a while and I don't think I've ever been this attracted to someone. He ticks every box however I've always thought there's something about him but could never put my finger on it.

I have recently found out that he has been abusive in previous relationships. This information has not come from just one source. Not sure if this is relevant but he Is a respected professional. Very conflicting I know.

What would your thoughts/feeling be about continuing to see him? He has never been abusive to me.

If I was certain about the information then I would end it immediately.

I would avoid. They are often charming and lovely until they've reeled you in. Why take the risk?

Immediately end it. Even if he’s not abusive to you, would you really want to be with someone who’s capable of being abusive to someone else?

If the source is reliable I would run. The fact there was something about him you couldn't put your finger on..... that's your instinct warning you

Your intuition had already picked up on signs that you hadn't consciously noticed. I'd give this one a wide berth.

The hills are that way >>>

No. Are you too far in to listen to advice now though? (I was).

Of course I would end it.
Please place more aloe on yourself, you deserve better,

Multiple sources. Multiple relationships.

of course he hasn’t hit you YET, if he’d thumped you on the first date, you’d have run already.

ftr - doctors/judges/scientists/politicians and policemen can all abuse.

I would end things amicably (or so he thought) sharpish.

If you know for sure he has been abusive in the past what does it say about you that you might be willing to overlook that? Sorry not having a dig, just trying to frame it

Professionals can be abusive. It's not a class or status related issue.

You could do a Claire's Law request if you like, but seems like you should heed the warnings.

He has never been abusive to me. Yet. People don't tend to get into relationships with people who are immediately abusive towards them.

I wouldn't take a chance on him if it was me. Abusers rarely show their true colours in the early days yet you're already getting the feeling something isn't right.

I know “professional” men who are abusive (headteacher, university lecturer). A man’s job does not affect whether he’s abusive or not - indeed, I imagine it is easier for a “professional” man to get away with being abusive, because who would believe such an upstanding/kind/funny/charming fellow would be abusive behind closed doors?

Please end it, OP.

He ticks every box however I've always thought there's something about him but could never put my finger on it.

You've instinctively picked up on some cues somewhere.

I would end the relationship now.

This reminds me of a case worker when I mentioned my ex was so charming she would like him.
…. and she said, of course he is charming, how in Earth do you think abusers get away with it?

The fact he is nice to you doesn’t mean that things will be different with you. It is just that you are currently at a much earlier point in the journey his previous exes have followed.

Thanks for the replies. I don't know the extent of this or the details therefore I don't know if any physical violence was involved.

Quite common for a professional/someone with a really good reputation professionally to be abusive in a relationship.
If you know that the information is true, I'd run for dear life! Besides, you did say you felt something was off. Trust your gut!

You’re going to be forever waiting for the abuse to start

If the source is trustworthy then I would end it immediately.

Abuse isn’t just physical violence. My ex never “physically abused” me - but he’s still terrorising me nearly 7 years after I left him.

He doesn’t see it as abuse because he “never hit” me.

Of course he ticks every box- he’s too good to be true because he’s actually an abusive arse looking for the next victim. I’d let things drift, I wouldn’t confront him about it because he’s probably very good at talking people round. Plenty more (nicer) fish in the sea

Being a respected professional has absolutely FA to do with it OP.

Abusers are abusers.

Isn’t an intensive ‘love bombing’ at the start of relationship a pattern in many abusive relationships?

Get out while you’ve not invested even more in this relationship.

why would you stay and risk your mental or physical health?

I agree letting things drift would be the way to go. Ending it suddenly might be dangerous.