Found something put about a man I'm really into... wwyd?

[007sky]

We have been dating for a while and I don't think I've ever been this attracted to someone. He ticks every box however I've always thought there's something about him but could never put my finger on it.

I have recently found out that he has been abusive in previous relationships. This information has not come from just one source. Not sure if this is relevant but he Is a respected professional. Very conflicting I know.

What would your thoughts/feeling be about continuing to see him? He has never been abusive to me.

Respected professionals are just as abusive as someone stacking shelves in Tesco ffs, so no, it’s not conflicting information at all. In fact, they use their job as a shield to lure in their next victim. Don’t let it be you.

Run run run……

In my experience, run.

Its easy to convince yourself it won’t be like that with you. Be careful.

Oh hell no. I wouldn't touch him with a pole.

Abusers are usually narcissistic and narcissists are experts in charm and lovebombing. No wonder you like him. But you would be stupid to pursue.

Also... Clare's law his ass to be absolutely sure

Abusers.Don’t.Change. They just change their victim.

It sounds like you’re making excuses for him “he’s never been abusive to me”, “it wasn’t physical”….

Wake the fuck up and get away from him. You’re not that desperate for a man that you’d settle for an abuser surely?

So your red flag-o-meter was already twinging and then it has been confirmed - reliable sources?

I think you would be mad to continue this.
they all start off charming and it’s only when you are hooked that they feel comfortable enough to start the abuse and slowly slowly ramp it up.

This is your chance to dodge the bullet OP

Do you want to be with a man who is capable of hurting and frightening other women ?
That in itself should turn your stomach.
You will pay one hell of a price for ignoring the warnings.
Be grateful you found out now.

I am married to a very high flying professional. Think top 10 firm, managing partner. Very respected.
I am making plans to leave.
He is emotionally, financially, physically and mentally abusive. Christmas was horrible.
It is really difficult because no one will believe it. He is charming, laid back and very much a gentleman to everyone else.
I have children and lots of debt, so it's not easy to leave. You are at a point where it is a breeze to end the relationship.
The info you have been given is a precious gift. Leave now.

You can check out any history of abuse via Clare's Law.

It's free, and your local police station can do it for you

www.sarsas.org.uk/resources/clares-law/

If he has a criminal record of abuse then get rid.

Once an abuser, always an abuser. I am sure that's true – in at least 90% of cases anyway. Maybe some men change, but I'm doubtful. Generally, I'm doubtful people change at all. A vicious, nasty old woman was probably a vicious, nasty child.

It's the same with rapists, paedophiles, stalkers, bullies, con-artists, narcissists, psychopaths, wife beaters, control freaks, people who torture animals, men who groom underage girls or view child pornography, etc, etc. They don't change. But they DO become good at hiding it. That is one lesson I've learned. For such people to get satisfaction (whether that's money or sex or power or the thrill of hurting something), they need a victim. So they hide what they really are. And they become very good at manipulating people. As someone said above, they were bright, head screwed on, etc, but still got taken in. I've seen it time and again – narcissists pretending to care about work colleagues, abusive men who love bomb a new partner, etc. They can trick even the sharpest, most perceptive of us. After all, they've often been perfecting it for decades. I remember little bitches at primary school who'd pretend to be sweet and innocent when really they were sadistic monsters.

Abusers are usually very good actors and at love-bombing their victims and playing the part of the perfect partner who ticks every box. He might seem perfect now but it is an act, he will wait until things get serious and he knows it would be hard for you to just walk away before he starts to drop his act and show you his true self. Save your future self and walk away now, don’t wait until the abuse starts up.

You will think we’re all crazy and over-reacting love, but I promise you we’re not. Get out of there, if you decide to wait and see, it’ll be a lot harder to leave.

Best of luck to you 💐

I hope all your future Christmas’ are really happy.

Harold Shipman was apparently a charming family doctor with a very reassuring bedside manner. Britain's most prolific serial killer, convicted of killing 15 patients (mainly older women) but now suspected of killing up to 250.

End it, they're always lovely until the mask slips, it can take 2 or 3 years

If a man punched a woman on a first date, she’d call the police.

He has to suck her in to the point she will make excuses for the violence - whether that’s a long term relationship, financial dependence, moving in together, marriage or a child (or something else I haven’t thought of).

There have to be good times in order for a woman to stay and try and find the key (that doesn’t exist) to turn an abuser back into the man she first met (who also doesn’t really exist).

Abusive men don't tend to start out abusive from day one.

And being a respected professional means nothing. In my years here I've seen many stories about abusive husbands who are doctors, teachers, lawyers. And one of the most unpleasant people I've ever known is a paramedic. Being a respected professional just means that if there ever is an incident between you, you will be less likely to be believed.

Have you had an argument with him about anything? Have you seen how he acts when he's beaten in a game by a woman, or loses a debate to one? Do you have any fundamental differences in opinion, and does he seem to respect your opinions? Not that I think you should test him. I think you should walk away.

My colleague was beaten to death by her respected professional boyfriend.

I’m hoping this is a joke.

Why are you not running for the hills!

You do realise that many men in ‘respected positions’ are more abusive than the average shelf stacker in Tesco don’t you?

Those in higher positions are much more likely to be narcissistic or controlling, which helps them to succeed and women afraid to come forward about them.

If its happened in more than one previous relationship it will happen to you.

Get out now.

If there are multiple accounts, all saying the same thing, you need to run ASAP.

Your intuition is telling you something isn't right?

Of course you are attracted to him. Of course he is saying all the right things. He is love bombing you

What you have been told is a gift - please act on it

If there are multiple accounts, all saying the same thing, you need to run ASAP.

Your intuition is telling you something isn't right?

Of course you are attracted to him. Of course he is saying all the right things. He is love bombing you

What you have been told is a gift - please act on it

This is a sliding doors moment for you, you've found something out which will alter the course of your relationship. If you stay you will undoubtedly end up in an abusive relationship.