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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Uninvited to a wedding for asking a question

239 replies

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:00

Hi I'll try to be brief.
I have a friend, we met when we were both living overseas 7 years ago. We became really close and moved back to our home country within months of eachother. Although we live in different cities we kept in touch, occasionally spending a night or two at eachothers house some weekends and she even spent 2 Christmases with me and my family when she was single .
She is getting married next year and in July 2022, her and her fiancé called me and asked if my DD could be a flower girl at their destination wedding. ofcourse both me and DD (8) were delighted.
A few weeks down the line she mentioned in passing in a conversation that it was a 'no children allowed wedding'. And I took this to mean my 2 year old DS wouldn't be allowed and I wasn't planning on taking him anyway so I thought nothing of this. My DH then made a comment about his come DD was invited but not DS as friend is his mother to DS. I said it's their wedding their choice. But it nagged me so I asked my friend. She became really defensive and it was during this conversation that I learned that 'no children' meant even DD was no longer invited as a flower girl to the wedding and I had totally missed her subtle hint earlier. So i asked why they hadn't called to tell DD that she was no longer a flower girl, same way as they had done when they asked her. I said I was totally okay with coming on my own, I actually preferred it and was so excited for them. I mentioned that we've been to many weddings where kids are not allowed and we've always found a sitter. But because this was a destination wedding I was going to come on my own and DH was okay with that.
A few minutes later I got a phone call from friend and fiancé saying I had really pressed the 'no kids' issue too far and was causing stress. I didn't see it that way and said I was seeking clarity because I hadn't realised the policy had changed.
She was upset and unfriended me on FB, Instagram and blocked me on WhatsApp.
I was very hurt, I sent her an email apologising and then I blocked her on everything.
I've never fallen out with anyone like this so I'm not sure what to do. Should I seek her out again and apologise? This all happened in August. Or is it safe to assume she doesn't want me in her life anymore?

Thanks

OP posts:
Mardyface · 28/12/2022 00:02

She has treated your DD appallingly! I would not contact her again personally.

Haydugee · 28/12/2022 00:09

Your poor DD. This woman is no friend.

UsingChangeofName · 28/12/2022 00:10

I think she seems pretty clear.
Also sounds like this person is no real loss.

She behaved really badly over inviting your dd to be flower girl; then changing her mind; and especially then not "owning" that change of mind and apologising and explaining to your dd.
But then to uninvite you and then blocking you makes her sound a bit unstable to be honest.
I'd be glad to find out before you spent all that money flying out to her wedding.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 28/12/2022 00:12

I think you have seen her true colours, and she's not a good person.

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:12

Sorry a few typos. I'll correct them in CAPS
...My DH then made a comment about HOW come DD was invited but not DS as friend is GOD-mother to DS. I said it's their wedding their choice...

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MissHavershamReturns · 28/12/2022 00:12

Op you did nothing wrong. She was being vvvv unreasonable.

I’ve been to several weddings where flower girls and page boys are invited but no other children. How on earth were you and dd meant to read her mind that dd had been uninvited?!

I would not get in touch and keep your distance

Menomenon · 28/12/2022 00:13

Someone uninvited a flower girl? An 8yo? That’s awful. Why would you want to go to the wedding?

It’s all a bit late now anyway. Cancel and do something much nicer with your DD.

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:14

I must add for fairness that the wedding planner said part of the wedding ceremony will involve getting a canoe to the location so wasn't safe for children.

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Hawkins001 · 28/12/2022 00:15

Sounds like the organisers, need to be more flexible on the guidance for the wedding plans

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:16

@MissHavershamReturns
This is exactly what I thought! I thought DD would be one of few kids there who were part of the wedding party. She only told me it was because of the canoes after I probed her during the confrontation.
Thank you

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 28/12/2022 00:16

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:14

I must add for fairness that the wedding planner said part of the wedding ceremony will involve getting a canoe to the location so wasn't safe for children.

It's all very Helen Harris III, isn't it?

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:19

@AutumnCrow 😂😬

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Bunce1 · 28/12/2022 00:19

Your friend is bananas.

Mardyface · 28/12/2022 00:19

The canoe aspect hasn't made me warm to Bridezilla.

Oher · 28/12/2022 00:19

She’s nuts. You don’t tell an 8 yr old she’s flower girl then change your mind but don’t even have the courtesy to tell her or her mum.

Her behaviour has been very very strange.

Up to you bug I could not be friends with someone who had that much contempt for my child’s feelings.

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:20

@UsingChangeofName and everyone
Thankyou for the comments

OP posts:
Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 28/12/2022 00:20

Fucking canoes….really.

To me it sounds like they whimped out of telling you/your DD she could no longer be flower girl. When you actually asked directly about it they felt awkward and threw a strop.

If you really value the friendship you could unblock and attempt contact, but their behaviour sounds pretty final.

pictoosh · 28/12/2022 00:21

Think she's treated you and your daughter shoddily.

Waterfallgirl · 28/12/2022 00:21

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:14

I must add for fairness that the wedding planner said part of the wedding ceremony will involve getting a canoe to the location so wasn't safe for children.

😂

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:21

@Bunce1 @Mardyface @Oher
😂😂😂
Thanks.

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 28/12/2022 00:22

I can't wait to see the thread in S&B asking for wedding wetsuit suggestions

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:23

@excelledyourself 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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milkysmum · 28/12/2022 00:24

Very odd behavior, I wouldn't contact her again.

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:30

I forgot to mention this was a few days I had taken a train to her city to attend wedding dress fittings around this expensive city, hopping from train to train without a rail card ( as I don't live there so I don't own one). I had spent the night at their place and they still didn't mention this detail to me in person till I probed it after I got back home to DH. I was also the only friend who was able to make it to the wedding dress appointments and I wasn't even on the bridal party.

OP posts:
mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:30

Few days AFTER

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