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Original poster

Uninvited to a wedding for asking a question

239 replies

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:00

Hi I'll try to be brief.
I have a friend, we met when we were both living overseas 7 years ago. We became really close and moved back to our home country within months of eachother. Although we live in different cities we kept in touch, occasionally spending a night or two at eachothers house some weekends and she even spent 2 Christmases with me and my family when she was single .
She is getting married next year and in July 2022, her and her fiancé called me and asked if my DD could be a flower girl at their destination wedding. ofcourse both me and DD (8) were delighted.
A few weeks down the line she mentioned in passing in a conversation that it was a 'no children allowed wedding'. And I took this to mean my 2 year old DS wouldn't be allowed and I wasn't planning on taking him anyway so I thought nothing of this. My DH then made a comment about his come DD was invited but not DS as friend is his mother to DS. I said it's their wedding their choice. But it nagged me so I asked my friend. She became really defensive and it was during this conversation that I learned that 'no children' meant even DD was no longer invited as a flower girl to the wedding and I had totally missed her subtle hint earlier. So i asked why they hadn't called to tell DD that she was no longer a flower girl, same way as they had done when they asked her. I said I was totally okay with coming on my own, I actually preferred it and was so excited for them. I mentioned that we've been to many weddings where kids are not allowed and we've always found a sitter. But because this was a destination wedding I was going to come on my own and DH was okay with that.
A few minutes later I got a phone call from friend and fiancé saying I had really pressed the 'no kids' issue too far and was causing stress. I didn't see it that way and said I was seeking clarity because I hadn't realised the policy had changed.
She was upset and unfriended me on FB, Instagram and blocked me on WhatsApp.
I was very hurt, I sent her an email apologising and then I blocked her on everything.
I've never fallen out with anyone like this so I'm not sure what to do. Should I seek her out again and apologise? This all happened in August. Or is it safe to assume she doesn't want me in her life anymore?

Thanks

OP posts:
MissHavershamReturns · 28/12/2022 00:31

Op you’ve been very nice. She has not. Drop her!!

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 28/12/2022 00:34

She's crackers.

Schnooze · 28/12/2022 00:35

I hope Great Aunt Jane can manage the canoes.

magicthree · 28/12/2022 00:36

Your "friend" is nuts. I wouldn't be contacting her again, and would be overjoyed not to have to attend the wedding. She has behaved badly, and after all this time is not going to apologise so I would give up on her and concentrate on better friends.

Gingerbreadhouseofhorror · 28/12/2022 00:38

Canoes?? Bahahaha! You’re best out of it OP. She was so mean to your DD, she’s no friend.

Arsepants · 28/12/2022 00:40

Fuck going on a canoe, there's no way I'd do that. Why canoes? Did she choose that or is that the only way to get there?

Everyone will arrive sweaty and knackered

And she's been dreadfully rude to me you and your DD

Arsepants · 28/12/2022 00:40

Fuck going on a canoe, there's no way I'd do that. Why canoes? Did she choose that or is that the only way to get there?

Everyone will arrive sweaty and knackered

And she's been dreadfully rude to me you and your DD

Arsepants · 28/12/2022 00:41

No idea why that posted twice, sorry!

bumpertobumper · 28/12/2022 00:42

She of course behaved badly and threw a strop when found out... but OP I think you were a bit unreasonable by blocking her on everything after sending the email (not that you needed to apologise). Because by doing that she was unable to come back to you to apologise and make up after calming down. She may not have wanted too, but if she did you made it impossible and now it's all gone on too long and the friendship is lost it would seem.
Although, that you are posting about it maybe it's not from your side and there is only one way to find out how she's feeling.

I am more forgiving of my friends than most on Mumsnet, and luckily for me most of my friends are too.Grin

RandomPerson42 · 28/12/2022 00:45

People who have child-free weddings aren’t worth knowing anyway imho

mellicauli · 28/12/2022 00:47

Canoes? Good grief...

Judgyjudgy · 28/12/2022 00:47

I hate kids at weddings, but think you took it really well and she was the confusing one. You also apologised so I would just leave it. Weddings end up being so stressful, so she'll probably regret it later. My only thing would be to unblock her, as if she tries to get in touch you won't know

Lost123454 · 28/12/2022 00:49

She sounds like a horrible person

I would never contact her again

converseandjeans · 28/12/2022 00:53

I think you have had a lucky escape and saved yourself a load of money.

Not many people would offer to go to wedding alone & leave toddler home.

She will continue with ridiculous demands. Best off out of it all. Who travels in a canoe ffs 🤷🏻‍♀️

user1492757084 · 28/12/2022 00:58

I wouldn't have defriended her though I think she is rude and not worth the worry. She obviously wanted to elope and revel in a self-centred wedding.. Keep your own considerate composure and don't lose sleep over the Bridezilla. Could her husband-to-be be calling the shots?

pizzaHeart · 28/12/2022 01:04

To me it sounds like they whimped out of telling you/your DD she could no longer be flower girl. When you actually asked directly about it they felt awkward and threw a strop.
I agree with this^
she clearly decided that it would be easier to cut you off completely to avoid awkwardness. She is not a friend.
Hope you haven’t spent any money on her wedding yet.

Opentooffers · 28/12/2022 01:11

How much do you know about her intended? Could he be pulling strings and slowly isolating her? Odd that non of the bridal party were there for dress fitting.
Perhaps block her from everything except email, so if one day she reaches her senses there's a channel for her to contact you. Not that she deserves it, and meantime move on without a second glance. It would not be the first time a partner has systematically alienated people, so you never know.

Rogue1001MNer · 28/12/2022 01:12

I feel my wedding distinctly lacked canoes

excelledyourself · 28/12/2022 01:16

Should I seek her out again and apologise?

No. Best not make waves, OP.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 28/12/2022 01:27

Canoes? WTF? How is that going to work on the way back when most people will be steaming drunk?

Is this a temporary bridezilla madness, or has she always been quite hard work and quick to take offence? Do you want to keep her as a friend or have you just kept the friendship up out of obligation? I think if it's a temporary tantrum because of wedding stress and you get something out of the friendship that you will miss if you don't see her again, then the time to approach her is after the wedding and honeymoon.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2022 01:31

Fuck that crazy bitch. I'd tell her to ride that canoe off a cliff.

greenteafiend · 28/12/2022 01:43

Oh dear. She sound like the "childfree by choice in an extremely prickly/defensive kind of way" type. Either that or she has been badgered by requests for exceptions to the childfree rule by all and sundry, and the stress of planning a wedding has tipped her over the edge. Her reaction is, however, completely over the top. You didn't do anything wrong.

greenteafiend · 28/12/2022 01:44

I would not unblock--if she is motivated to rock round with an apology at some point, she'll find another way to contact you.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 28/12/2022 01:51

RandomPerson42 · 28/12/2022 00:45

People who have child-free weddings aren’t worth knowing anyway imho

People who don't realise weddings are not a place for children are immature and aren't worth knowing anyway.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 28/12/2022 01:56

I don't agree with destination weddings and would never go to one on principle, even if it was my best friend so I would not be going on that point alone. But she sounds like a snobby show-off bridezilla, first clue is the 'destination wedding' but CANOES?? I think she's a Hyacinth Bucket who is more about being showy and appearance and being flashy than caring about her guests. The wedding has shown you her true colours. She a waste of space as a 'friend', she never truly was your friend if she puts her need to show off and impress, over the needs of her friends and family. You have nothing to apologise for and never should have emailed an apology in the first place. You are far better off without Hyacinth in your life.