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Original poster

Uninvited to a wedding for asking a question

239 replies

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 00:00

Hi I'll try to be brief.
I have a friend, we met when we were both living overseas 7 years ago. We became really close and moved back to our home country within months of eachother. Although we live in different cities we kept in touch, occasionally spending a night or two at eachothers house some weekends and she even spent 2 Christmases with me and my family when she was single .
She is getting married next year and in July 2022, her and her fiancé called me and asked if my DD could be a flower girl at their destination wedding. ofcourse both me and DD (8) were delighted.
A few weeks down the line she mentioned in passing in a conversation that it was a 'no children allowed wedding'. And I took this to mean my 2 year old DS wouldn't be allowed and I wasn't planning on taking him anyway so I thought nothing of this. My DH then made a comment about his come DD was invited but not DS as friend is his mother to DS. I said it's their wedding their choice. But it nagged me so I asked my friend. She became really defensive and it was during this conversation that I learned that 'no children' meant even DD was no longer invited as a flower girl to the wedding and I had totally missed her subtle hint earlier. So i asked why they hadn't called to tell DD that she was no longer a flower girl, same way as they had done when they asked her. I said I was totally okay with coming on my own, I actually preferred it and was so excited for them. I mentioned that we've been to many weddings where kids are not allowed and we've always found a sitter. But because this was a destination wedding I was going to come on my own and DH was okay with that.
A few minutes later I got a phone call from friend and fiancé saying I had really pressed the 'no kids' issue too far and was causing stress. I didn't see it that way and said I was seeking clarity because I hadn't realised the policy had changed.
She was upset and unfriended me on FB, Instagram and blocked me on WhatsApp.
I was very hurt, I sent her an email apologising and then I blocked her on everything.
I've never fallen out with anyone like this so I'm not sure what to do. Should I seek her out again and apologise? This all happened in August. Or is it safe to assume she doesn't want me in her life anymore?

Thanks

OP posts:
WetLettuce2 · 28/12/2022 08:49

She’s no loss.

I was also told by a best friend that my DD was to be a bridesmaid. By the time the invite was delivered it was a no-children wedding. I have no one to look after DD so missed wedding. I’ve never heard from her since.

I knew her for many years, was often her agony aunt through her different relationships, and loved her a lot.
Very hurtful x

Runningintolife · 28/12/2022 08:50

Sounds like both your DPs are winding you two up into conflict.

Toddlerteaplease · 28/12/2022 08:54

I wouldn't be spending a penny on What will be an expensive trip for someone like that!

AvengingGerbil · 28/12/2022 08:55

something like this, OP?

www.venetianlasvegas.com/celebrate/promotions/ceremonies.html

But this only seems to be the bride and groom in the canoe!

Weepachu · 28/12/2022 09:01

Who needs enemies with friends like that?

She’s treated you and your DD appallingly so I wouldn’t re-establish contact with her for anything. You’re well rid.

SnowlayRoundabout · 28/12/2022 09:02

Sounds like children would be a hell of a lot safer in the canoes than the elderly, disabled or pregnant. I wonder if she's excluding all those as well?

Authenticity2020 · 28/12/2022 09:03

Sounds like your friend is stressed, very common and maybe also feels some aspect of guilt. Even so, it doesn’t justify how she’s handled herself in failing to be upfront and honest about the flower girl no longer being allowed to come, how she dealt with the phone call and the fallout afterwards. Seems like an overreaction which points to stress. I would let things lie and see what happens. I definitely wouldn’t chase her or be concerned about saving the friendship as she’s the one who’s sinking that ship. Or canoe.

Bpdqueen · 28/12/2022 09:05

She sounds awful, I hope your daughter isn't to upset about the whole thing.With the money you was going to spend on the wedding you should all take a family holiday or do something fun for you all.

BellePeppa · 28/12/2022 09:18

I wouldn’t be going to anyone’s wedding by bloody canoe! She sounds so full of herself. If I were you I wouldn’t go to the wedding and I wouldn’t continue this so-called friendship.

3peassuit · 28/12/2022 09:18

She’s no loss. Keep her blocked. Canoes, wtf.

Inkpotlover · 28/12/2022 09:19

Your poor DD. Bridezilla clearly didn't want to say outright that she was no longer required as the flower girl so she's manufactured this row so she can tell everyone you're the bad guy. Given that she's got form for flouncing and cutting you off for months at a time, don't be surprised if she crawls back nearer the wedding as though nothing's happened. If she does, use it as a teachable moment for your DD that you shouldn't bother with people who treat you so shabbily and knock back any attempts by Bridezilla to rekindle the friendship.

MrsMoastyToasty · 28/12/2022 09:31

I have visions of the congregation humming the theme tune to Hawaii 5-0.

mewkins · 28/12/2022 09:35

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 08:47

So no it not her stbh
He is a lovely guy and he was the one who made the call to try and smooth things over. She sat on the phone call eyes rolling the entire time while he tries to smooth things over. Then stormed off mid call leaving us to just say goodbye and talk to you later. Not the first time she did this, a few years back my ex hit me over the head and took my phone and I asked her to lock my phone using the find my iPhone feature. She emailed me the next day to say that I had caused her so much stress and didn't talk to me for a year, then came crawling back and apologised.
The canoes... sounds ridiculous but I think it's more like a gondola that you get in and someone trained paddles it to the wedding.

Crikey, she's a shit friend. The clues were there the first time.

rainbowstardrops · 28/12/2022 09:38

Ah she's got previous form then! I would hazard a guess that she'll be no great loss in your life.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 28/12/2022 09:41

mrshiddleston69 · 28/12/2022 08:47

So no it not her stbh
He is a lovely guy and he was the one who made the call to try and smooth things over. She sat on the phone call eyes rolling the entire time while he tries to smooth things over. Then stormed off mid call leaving us to just say goodbye and talk to you later. Not the first time she did this, a few years back my ex hit me over the head and took my phone and I asked her to lock my phone using the find my iPhone feature. She emailed me the next day to say that I had caused her so much stress and didn't talk to me for a year, then came crawling back and apologised.
The canoes... sounds ridiculous but I think it's more like a gondola that you get in and someone trained paddles it to the wedding.

Yep, I could read the neon signs that she was a trouble maker and the poor bloke was in for a hell of a time with her, even if other posters couldn't. It suck out like fcken dogs balls!

pinneddownbytabbies · 28/12/2022 09:42

MrsMoastyToasty · 28/12/2022 09:31

I have visions of the congregation humming the theme tune to Hawaii 5-0.

Me too Grin

Whatwhatwhatnow · 28/12/2022 09:43

I think it's awful to ask a child to be flower girl and then change your mind.

You don't "subtly hint" about invitations to a wedding either! People aren't mind readers! Especially if it's destination!

She sounds like a bridezilla who cares more about her canoe vision than you. I'd leave it and think twice about replying if she ever gets back in touch.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 28/12/2022 09:45

Op please don't block her. You (we) so need updates with photos!

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 28/12/2022 09:45

*stuck out, not 'suck' out. 😕

TheaBrandt · 28/12/2022 09:46

It’s cruel to ask an 8 year old girl it to to be a flower girl ours would have been beyond excited at that - then to pull that away and worse not even communicate that properly.

MsRosley · 28/12/2022 09:52

She sounds like a fucking nightmare. You're well rid.

MajorCarolDanvers · 28/12/2022 09:55

Canoes 😂😂😂

You've had a lucky escape

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 28/12/2022 09:58

She’s a nightmare. You are well out of it.

But I’m not sure why you asked about your Ds not being invited when you hadn’t intended to take him anyway and after she had said ‘child free’. I think that deserved an eye roll, tbf.

Crazypaving22 · 28/12/2022 09:58

'A few minutes later I got a phone call from friend and fiancé saying I had really pressed the 'no kids' issue too far and was causing stress.'

Talk about a drama llama! What an absolute arse, and canoes at a wedding... hahaha

She is no friend. Spend the money you'd have sent on the wedding on a super family trip, and make memories!

tribpot · 28/12/2022 09:59

a few years back my ex hit me over the head and took my phone and I asked her to lock my phone using the find my iPhone feature. She emailed me the next day to say that I had caused her so much stress and didn't talk to me for a year
So - not a bridezilla but a genuinely shit human being. Let this be the last time she takes you for a fool when she eventually comes back to apologise like last time. What a dreadful person.