Uninvited to a wedding for asking a question

[mrshiddleston69]

Hi I'll try to be brief.
I have a friend, we met when we were both living overseas 7 years ago. We became really close and moved back to our home country within months of eachother. Although we live in different cities we kept in touch, occasionally spending a night or two at eachothers house some weekends and she even spent 2 Christmases with me and my family when she was single .
She is getting married next year and in July 2022, her and her fiancé called me and asked if my DD could be a flower girl at their destination wedding. ofcourse both me and DD (8) were delighted.
A few weeks down the line she mentioned in passing in a conversation that it was a 'no children allowed wedding'. And I took this to mean my 2 year old DS wouldn't be allowed and I wasn't planning on taking him anyway so I thought nothing of this. My DH then made a comment about his come DD was invited but not DS as friend is his mother to DS. I said it's their wedding their choice. But it nagged me so I asked my friend. She became really defensive and it was during this conversation that I learned that 'no children' meant even DD was no longer invited as a flower girl to the wedding and I had totally missed her subtle hint earlier. So i asked why they hadn't called to tell DD that she was no longer a flower girl, same way as they had done when they asked her. I said I was totally okay with coming on my own, I actually preferred it and was so excited for them. I mentioned that we've been to many weddings where kids are not allowed and we've always found a sitter. But because this was a destination wedding I was going to come on my own and DH was okay with that.
A few minutes later I got a phone call from friend and fiancé saying I had really pressed the 'no kids' issue too far and was causing stress. I didn't see it that way and said I was seeking clarity because I hadn't realised the policy had changed.
She was upset and unfriended me on FB, Instagram and blocked me on WhatsApp.
I was very hurt, I sent her an email apologising and then I blocked her on everything.
I've never fallen out with anyone like this so I'm not sure what to do. Should I seek her out again and apologise? This all happened in August. Or is it safe to assume she doesn't want me in her life anymore?

Thanks

Because when people do something which is indefensible, that rhey can't even justify to themselves, they feel they have nowhere else to go except turn it round to blame the other person.tpu have done nothing wrong at all

I think you are well rid OP. You had nothing to apologize for in the first instance, and certainly nothing to apologize for again. It is she who owes an apology to you.

Speaking as the mother of an 8 year old girl, she has treated your daughter appallingly.

If my daughter was approached to be a flower girl, she would be so excited and be on a countdown to the day. Thinking about the dress, what responsibilities she'd have etc.

If it was then taken back without even a phone call to apologise or explain, she would be heartbroken. The very least they should have done was phone her and explain the situation, and perhaps do something to soften the blow.

Your friend is a self centred cow and you are better off without her.

I don't understand what it is with some people when they start planning their wedding, they think it gives them a free pass to be arrogant, selfish twats that think the world revolves around them and their wedding. It doesn't.

Although I think the idea of canoes is hilarious, I wonder whether Bridezilla made that up on the spur of the moment as an excuse.

Jesus a canoe!!!!???? You’ve had a lucky escape.

is this a real thing ?? There’s going to be instructions for a synchronised dance sent out at some point. Prob a dress code.

it would be nice if there was a positive effect of the cost of living crisis in wiping some of the bonkers wedding shit out!

@mrshiddleston69 please come back and name the destination. A canoe in Maui or a canoe in Kyle of Lochalsh?

A canoe to get to the wedding destination?! 😂
If this is true I doubt it an 8yr old would be safer in one than watching me trying to get in it!

She is batshit crazy and you're well out of it. What a shitty way to treat your DD

Just awful. The way she has treated your DD is terrible. You can't personally invite a DC to be flower girl and then renege on it without having a conversation with her. Appalling behaviour. She knows she has done wrong which is why she is trying to deflect it on you.

Sounds like you have dodged a bullet....... Fucking canoes!!

Exactly what @BarrelOfOtters says? Very different images going on here! 😆 can't imagine all wedding guests keen for either, but there's still a difference between battering through rapids and being paddled gently to Maui!

What’s more appalling is that OP is considering getting in touch with that batshit woman and apologising. I have no words..she sounds like a doormat.

Getting a canoe to the location? 😂
She's done you a favour OP.
Uninviting an 8yr old flower girl by means of 'dropping hints' is pathetic and disgraceful.
Of course you would have assumed that your DD was an exception to the rule!

What a weird way to behave.

Yeah I think when canoes become the priority for your wedding its a sign things aren't going to be great!

Agree with above, I’m due to get married next year, as someone also crazy stressed re. Wedding - your friends behaviour is appalling. She asked your daughter to be flower girl and has since reneagued on the offer. she’s a shit mate and should be saying sorry for how she’s treated your DD, if she’s genuinely still angry with you- that’s not someone I would want to be mates with.
being a flower girl/ bridesmaid is a big deal to kids- how could she ask her then pull the offer away!?

She’s made that bit up 😂😂

OP I would let the matter lie there as doing anything else will feed into the bridezilla's drama. Do something lovely for your daughter with the money you won't be wasting on the wedding.

Anyway, with the way the weather is going unpredictable and extreme, anywhere at any time, maybe it won't be all plain paddling in a canoe. Destination wedding or not.

This is madness OP. Stop thinking it's your fault in any way ASAP. This woman is nuts! Sigh of relief would be more appropriate. You don't want the likes of her in your life.

What a completely mean thing to do to your daughter. If that’s the way she is going to be, best you find out now. Who the hell chooses a canoe over those you supposedly care about? You weren’t wrong to check and ask a question to clarify. Just as well you did.

People who see everything in black and white and fail to realise that you can have both child friendly and child free weddings are incredibly boring and not worth knowing.

My six year old has spent hours on a canoe.

fuck her

she's batshit

its very sad to lose a friend of such long standing
but she’s in the wrong here and reacted appallingly

Sorry, I think it's fair to say that she doesn't want to acknowledge that she was pretty shit here. In her narrative you'll have demanded that DD continued in her role as flower girl and caused unimaginable anxiety, irrespective of the actual events.
I think you've dodged a bullet here OP. A destination wedding with canoes? Who dreams this shit up?

So no it not her stbh
He is a lovely guy and he was the one who made the call to try and smooth things over. She sat on the phone call eyes rolling the entire time while he tries to smooth things over. Then stormed off mid call leaving us to just say goodbye and talk to you later. Not the first time she did this, a few years back my ex hit me over the head and took my phone and I asked her to lock my phone using the find my iPhone feature. She emailed me the next day to say that I had caused her so much stress and didn't talk to me for a year, then came crawling back and apologised.
The canoes... sounds ridiculous but I think it's more like a gondola that you get in and someone trained paddles it to the wedding.

Canoes? Wow. But apparently it's a 'thing'.

I don't envy the photographer doing their risk assessment.
And who wants to be wearing a buoyancy aid over their wedding frock?



I think you've had a lucky escape OP. Don't unblock.

Your poor DD.

And I haven't blocked her off WhatsApp. I just deleted her number. I also didn't block her email as I don't know how so she's had ways of getting to me if she wants to.