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Original poster

Boyfriend bought me sexy underwear

132 replies

kellid · 25/12/2022 23:11

So my boyfriend of 5 years gave me a cheap love honey Lacey body for Christmas and I'm a bit upset. It wasn't the only thing he got me, but my face lit up when he said that he had an extra gift for me, once the kids were upstairs...

I feel cheap and disrespected 😢

AIBU?

OP posts:
custardbear · 26/12/2022 09:39

Blokes aren't really knowledgable on where to buy decent underwear lol - just educate him! Next year buy him a cheap Willy warmer or stupid pants!

user1496146479 · 26/12/2022 09:52

Not sure what the issue is!! My DH does this! I had presents under the tree, and then last night came to bed to more wrapped up lingerie presents!

Tuilpmouse · 26/12/2022 09:57

Hadtochangeforthisone · 26/12/2022 08:49

Bloody hell some people are really hard work. Ridiculous comments about 'transactional' presents etc . Seems like the professionally offended are out in force.

Like the underwear ?then say thank you. Don't like it ? Smile and put it at the back of the drawer. Then when festivities are over have a word about what your preferences are.

As for 'transactional' did you not realise that relationships involve sex along with a million other transactions ? You love him and do nice things for him. He loves you and does nice things for you. Relationships breakdown when one party no longer wishes to 'transact' with the other .

Agree. Lots of very uptight posts on here from people who i imagine have very uptight sex, if they have it at all! God forbid there should be anything erotic about it, it's all got to be cerebral and 'connection and mutuality' 😣

WeAreBorg · 26/12/2022 10:53

Omfg he’s been with the OP for five years and his surprise is a £12 polyester body stocking 😂 And she should be grateful too.

By five years the surprise should be an engagement ring if he hasn’t proposed already, and he should bloody well know what underwear she likes and whether that’s the sort of thing she wants for Christmas. She hates it!

And obviously anyone who isn’t pathetically delighted with this shitty offering is uptight and hates sex ffs

I would be pissed off too OP

stevalnamechanger · 26/12/2022 10:56

I'd be offended that he bought something cheap and nasty

PainfulAnkles · 26/12/2022 11:13

Ugh, it’s an awful ’present’.
If he knew this wouldn’t be something you like then it’s even worse.
YANBU.
I can understand it made you feel cheap, kind of like ”here, now perform for me”, and making it worse by pretending it’s a gift for you.
I didn’t read the whole thread, but I saw few comments trying to use the usual insults, I don’t know why they have to do that, I guess it makes them feel superior, but it’s okey for you to not like it. I would hate this shit myself.

Clymene · 26/12/2022 11:14

Ooh nothing says erotic like a £12 stretchy nylon body stocking GrinGrinGrinGrin

AramintaLee · 26/12/2022 11:21

I would have no issue with my DP buying me underwear if it was really nice underwear and extra points if he got the size right as it shows he really thought about it.

However if he bought me something super naff or crotchless (for example) I wouldn't be impressed as it would seem like either an afterthought or a present for him.

warofthemonstertrucks · 26/12/2022 11:38

My Dh buys me sexy underwear every year for my birthday (as well as other stuff). I actually really like it as usually we also go away for the night somewhere and have a lovely bunk up. But then I do like having sex with my dh.
Most men like sexy underwear don't they? I don't see the issue with this at all. In fact is it not quite nice that he fancies you and wants to have sex with you?

YankeeDad · 26/12/2022 12:02

tothelefttotheleft · 25/12/2022 23:25

Everybody wants to defend this man but it doesn't work the other way round does it?

How many women buy men something to wear to make them look different for sex?

My wife never has gifted me anything like this, but if she bought me a garment that made her drag me towards the bedroom and tear her clothes off every time I put it on then, I would love it!

That is just to say, he may have given you what he would like to receive instead of what you would like to receive. That could be selfish, or it could just be awkward and tone deaf. But I doubt very much whether he meant to be disrespectful or to make you feel cheap.

Maybe you can find a gentle way to let him know how it made you feel. Do not take it personally if his initial reaction is defensive; that might just be cover for him feeling both rejected and stupid. But if he has any sense, he will have listened even if he does not admit it. Then, if you can follow it up by telling him what you actually would have liked to receive instead, that is somewhat romantic, and if he listens and offers it to you at a later date, then it could be a win for both of you.

Original poster
kellid · 26/12/2022 12:55

I don't actually think he meant to offend me. But it's cheap and it has made question what I mean to him. The other gifts he got me were ones I chosen myself and I was grateful that he got me a surprise... just disappointed what it was. Don't get me wrong... I'm not a prude and we have a good sex life. Something for me, not for him. Perhaps it just wasn't the right moment. I've just really busy planning a lovely Christmas for the whole family and on my feet since 5am looking after everyone. I would've liked a night away, a treat for me or even a nice set of luxury underwear and yes, as another poster mentioned, a proposal would have been nice, but I'm starting to think that is maybe not what I really want with someone who totally doesn't He knew I was pissed off last nice. Said it cost him £40.

www.lovehoney.co.uk/lingerie/bodies-teddies/bodies/p/lovehoney-crotchless-lace-spaghetti-strap-body/a34590g62525.html

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 26/12/2022 13:40

I get it wasn't what you wanted but I assume he thought you would like it?

layladomino · 26/12/2022 13:46

I get why you don't like it. He'd got you other presents, which were ones you'd chosen. He tells you he's gone out of his way to get you an extra one, a surprise..... then it turns out he hasn't bought you anextra gift. He's bought himself a gift. Because there's no way a cheap, uncomfortable pice of lace was meant for you.

You've run around making Christmas great for everyone and he thought - I know what, as a treat for her, I'll show her that the thing I prize most about her is her ability to look sexy for me.

Perhaps on its own this wouldn't have bothered you so much. You might have just said 'you don't expect me to wear that do you?', laughed and forgotten about it. Is there a chance this is one of several signs that he doesn't value you for YOU?

34and3 · 26/12/2022 13:46

11 years together and he's never bought my underwear of any variety. That said I'm 10 months postpartum and still wedded to the giant csection pants.

Clymene · 26/12/2022 13:46

So he's bought you a really cheap crotchless body and he's lying about how much it cost to boot?

What a turn off

emptythelitterbox · 26/12/2022 14:18

So he bought himself a gift. sexy underwear, how gross.

You mentioned a proposal.
What is going on with that?

SirChenjins · 26/12/2022 14:24

He bought you a cheap crotch less body and you’re supposed to be grateful and immediately feel sexy?! Err no 😂 I think some MNetters have very low standards, probably the result of being with substandard blokes.

IsThePopeCatholic · 26/12/2022 14:31

Ugh! He’s got tacky taste. He’s probably watched too much porn.

Daffodilis · 26/12/2022 14:31

One of my exs became an ex when he bought me a double ended dado, I wasn't impressed

Cheeseandlobster · 26/12/2022 14:32

qwertykeyboards · 25/12/2022 23:13

Your partner bought you some lingerie and you feel disrespected? Get a grip.

This. Honestly some of the things I read on here.

CCIH · 26/12/2022 14:35

I wouldn't like it

Cheeseandlobster · 26/12/2022 14:37

Oh and £40 isn't that cheap. Fair enough it's not to your taste which is fine, but it wasn't your only present and sounds more like a last minute extra. You are making this into a big drama when you don't need to. Just tell him it's not your style and maybe choose something else together instead

Runningintolife · 26/12/2022 14:40

Cheeseandlobster · 26/12/2022 14:37

Oh and £40 isn't that cheap. Fair enough it's not to your taste which is fine, but it wasn't your only present and sounds more like a last minute extra. You are making this into a big drama when you don't need to. Just tell him it's not your style and maybe choose something else together instead

It was £14.99 he only said it was £40

DuringDuran · 26/12/2022 14:53

If you see sex as potential threat it is normal for you to feel threaten by a gift that suggests sexuality.

You could explain how you felt and either tell him it's not your thing and you will never consider anything like this or explain that you might consider it but on your own terms.

You might also consider that when he chose this he thought about both of you having fun as a couple, maybe misguided but not necessarily borne out of disrespect.

Cheeseandlobster · 26/12/2022 14:54

Runningintolife · 26/12/2022 14:40

It was £14.99 he only said it was £40

Show quote history

Its still a drama over nothing. He bought a last minute extra gift. It wasn't her only gift and he got other things that she had asked for. He mistakenly thought it was a sexy stocking filler type present. She hated it. All fine. But to then start saying "Oh I obviously don't mean that much to him" and wanting luxury underwear or a night away is a massive over reaction and a bit grabby to me. How about if the £14.99 extra had been chocolates or a nice mug. Would this have led to the same reaction?

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