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Original poster

Boyfriend bought me sexy underwear

132 replies

kellid · 25/12/2022 23:11

So my boyfriend of 5 years gave me a cheap love honey Lacey body for Christmas and I'm a bit upset. It wasn't the only thing he got me, but my face lit up when he said that he had an extra gift for me, once the kids were upstairs...

I feel cheap and disrespected 😢

AIBU?

OP posts:
SugarMiceInTheRain · 25/12/2022 23:57

Meh.... although I get that it's more of a present for him, I wouldn't be upset by it. I wish my DH was still interested enough in me physically to buy that kind of thing occasionally. If I put sexy lingerie on now he'd be more likely to ask if I was cold/ suggest I put a dressing gown on than to be turned on by it.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 25/12/2022 23:59

My boyfriend of 5 years bought me the same gift from the same place. He bought me 5 different LH items, but also a lovely bracelet which I'd strongly hinted for, some heated slippers and some other small items.

Honestly, I'm pleased. I bought some lingerie myself when out with him recently so that he knew my sizes as he had previously bought things in a size too small. I'm more than happy for him to buy me that stuff so long as I like it and it looks good. So it was kind of a risk, but it paid off. I eyed the items up suspiciously as I'm a size 18 so stuff isn't always flattering. To my astonishment it all was perfectly flattering and comfortable. No duff things!

I've told him before I'm more than happy to buy me that stuff and I'll happily wear it if it is my taste and size but as long as he isn't offended if it isn't right. So far so good!

MisssHavisham · 26/12/2022 00:04

My man has bought me something similar before, albeit not for Christmas. It was cheap, tacky and disposable… perfect for a night of raw, kinky fun. I loved the spontaneity, but perhaps that shows he ‘gets’ me. He knows me and what I like, perhaps the telepathy between you two just isn’t there for this sort of thing.

thenewduchessoflapland · 26/12/2022 00:05

The thing is sexy underwear is a transactional gift isn't it?;the giver obviously wants the receiver to wear it for them hoping it leads to sex.

It's not even nice underwear is it?;If it was something more practical eg some a nice matching bra and briefs set that the OP could wear daily then maybe it would be a different scenario but it's blatantly a "I want you looking slutty in the bedroom so I can shag you" gift.

There are women out there who are okay with that but OP isn't one of them and her partner should know her well enough to know that a cheap love honey body stocking isn't something that would be well received by OP.

UWhatNow · 26/12/2022 00:06

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 25/12/2022 23:15

It shows he still wants to have sex with you and his trying to spice things up. Better than getting up to all sorts behind your back take notice !

Righto - so the threat is to be grateful to receive and wear porno sex outfits to please the mandem or he’ll find with someone else? How grim and desperate.

HotChoxs · 26/12/2022 00:09

thenewduchessoflapland · 26/12/2022 00:05

The thing is sexy underwear is a transactional gift isn't it?;the giver obviously wants the receiver to wear it for them hoping it leads to sex.

It's not even nice underwear is it?;If it was something more practical eg some a nice matching bra and briefs set that the OP could wear daily then maybe it would be a different scenario but it's blatantly a "I want you looking slutty in the bedroom so I can shag you" gift.

There are women out there who are okay with that but OP isn't one of them and her partner should know her well enough to know that a cheap love honey body stocking isn't something that would be well received by OP.

Depends on the intent and relationship, it's not transactional if both parties get pleasure out of it. Not transactional if it turns the receiver on.

As you say the main thing is that they don't have this kind of relationship.

ChilliHeelerFanClub · 26/12/2022 00:19

I love getting underwear from DH. It’s a luxury I don’t really afford myself and I feel good in it. He doesn’t expect me to ‘put on a show’ as PP have said Hmm but I do get a kick out of knowing he finds me sexy.

I don’t really understand feeling another way but if there are other issues in your relationship or you have a traumatic history then it must be different. I do understand what you’re saying about it feeling cheap but I think if this is the first time, he’s probably not clued in to which shops to buy from and which items are more your style.

Miss03852 · 26/12/2022 00:22

The thing is sexy underwear is a transactional gift isn't it?;the giver obviously wants the receiver to wear it for them hoping it leads to sex.

Most normal relationships aren’t sexless you know.

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 26/12/2022 00:29

It certainly wouldn't bother me. I I didn't like it, I'd just rip it the first time I wore it 😉

CurlyhairedAssassin · 26/12/2022 00:31

That’s the type of present he should buy if you’ve both booked a dirty weekend together. Not for Christmas OR your birthday.

Cas112 · 26/12/2022 00:31

Some times in relationships people do things like this to add a-bit of spice to there sex life. It's not disrespectful, if you don't like it explain and move on but I don't think your reaction is justified. Had he done this before, you told him you didn't like it and then he did it again in and ignored your feelings then yes disrespectful.

Your partner fancies you and is trying to have fun, people forget things like this happen in relationships. Mumsnetters think every man that even thinks about sex is a deviant and should be hung drawn and quartered instantly

CurlyhairedAssassin · 26/12/2022 00:39

But why at Christmas? He can just buy it any other time if they’ve been discussing spicing things up a bit or something. As a couple. A Christmas present is for the receiver to enjoy. Love honey stuff is tasteless cheap and nasty shite. He could have bought her underwear that was nice, classy, luxury type of stuff that is actually comfortable to wear as well as sexy. Not crotchless lacy panties that give you thrush.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 26/12/2022 00:39

kellid · 25/12/2022 23:39

I guess it's been a long hard day and I'm probably being a bit petty. Perhaps 'disrecpted' isn't the right word here. I seen it as a present for him, not me.

Thank you for the comments and offering a different perspective.

Unless you've made it clear you want it it is a present to him, it is about him and what he wants. You don't have to feel any certain way, you're feelings whatever they are, are valid. If you don't like it, don't feel it there's no need to try it as some PPs have suggested. Your body, your choice, no is always a valid response to something sexual you don't feel comfortable with or don't want to do.

ouch321 · 26/12/2022 00:47

Yeah that's kind of cheap and it's got nothing to do with the price of the stuff.

MeJane · 26/12/2022 00:48

The thing is sexy underwear is a transactional gift isn't it?;the giver obviously wants the receiver to wear it for them hoping it leads to sex

Well yes, people in relationships do want to have sex with each other.

CallieQ · 26/12/2022 01:27

It's not just for him is it? They can both enjoy it

BasicDad · 26/12/2022 01:58

It's more indicative of how well you both communicate in your relationship than any act of misdemeanour.

Unless he's a complete fucktard, then his brain was definitely thinking it was a gift for BOTH OF YOU.

The easiest thing is to just be honest (and kind), and say it's not what you want.

Lexi868 · 26/12/2022 02:01

kellid · 25/12/2022 23:41

@oddwellingtonboots that's probably it as well.... it was a cheap one size body stocking type one Hmm

You should tell him that you were looking for a new racy outfit for the OnlyFans account you set up and webcam you bought. 😉

dolor · 26/12/2022 02:46

I think that's rather sweet.

mattyprice4004 · 26/12/2022 02:54

tothelefttotheleft · 25/12/2022 23:25

Everybody wants to defend this man but it doesn't work the other way round does it?

How many women buy men something to wear to make them look different for sex?

Did you even read any of the replies? There’s an awful lot not defending him, including the first one!

YRGAM · 26/12/2022 05:05

You shouldn't feel invalidated from the responses you've got, but maybe it won't seem as upsetting if you look at it from the POV that you're perfectly entitled to never so much as look at the present again? If you feel pressured to wear it even if you don't like it - and by extension have sex in a way you don't want to - that might be why you feel so annoyed. Is your partner a sulker?

user432900976 · 26/12/2022 05:05

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 25/12/2022 23:15

It shows he still wants to have sex with you and his trying to spice things up. Better than getting up to all sorts behind your back take notice !

I'm sorry that you think that women are worth so little that we should be thankful that the dear men aren't cheating on us.

YRGAM · 26/12/2022 05:06

UWhatNow · 26/12/2022 00:06

Righto - so the threat is to be grateful to receive and wear porno sex outfits to please the mandem or he’ll find with someone else? How grim and desperate.

Show quote history

Mandem is plural btw, it doesn't work in this situation unless you're saying OP is polyamorous

MidnightMeltdown · 26/12/2022 05:17

Ewww gross... I wouldn't be at all happy to receive something like that as a Christmas gift either, it would give me pervy old man vibes

It's a gift for him, not for you. If I wear something like that, then it has to be something that I've chosen because I feel good in it.

If dp bought it and just expected me to wear it then I would feel objectified. I totally get it op. Hope that you chucked it straight in the bin!

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 26/12/2022 05:26

Were you hoping he'd propose, OP? Is that why you were so excited, then disappointed?