Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Could you date a man who has gone to a strip club?

188 replies

CantAskAnyoneElse · 16/12/2022 21:08

That’s pretty much it.

I’ve been asked out by a friend (man) and I’m not sure if I feel that way about him, he’s nuce enough and I was thinking about it.
But then I remembered how he has said he’s been in some strip clubs in his time.
He seemed pretty happy about those memories, but it just gives me gross feeling.

I know everyone has different standards, but I’m a feminist type, and I don’t think it’s going to be something I’ll be okey with.

It’s a bad idea, right?

OP posts:
cofeetablebook · 16/12/2022 21:09

Oh for crying out loud.

Good luck with your search for Mr Perfect.

FuckFuckGo · 16/12/2022 21:10

Ugh. It would be a no from me.

Cheesecheeserson · 16/12/2022 21:11

Does not bode well for how he’ll treat you and approach the relationship. Studies show that men who engage in prostitution are more likely to rape.

catchthedog · 16/12/2022 21:11

you'll be in for quite the search to find an adult man who hasn't been in at least once

Kalasbyxor · 16/12/2022 21:12

Grim.

KateBalesCardi · 16/12/2022 21:13

Nope, he wouldn't meet my standard as I prefer men who realise women are human beings, not 'entertainment'.

ScotsBaby2 · 16/12/2022 21:14

I married one of those men. He's never been to one while we have been together.

spookymarmite · 16/12/2022 21:14

I think this is the crazy paranoid poster with a name change, the one who yesterday and today was posting about looking up the location of strip clubs near her boyfriends hotel.

chipsandpeas · 16/12/2022 21:15

wouldnt bother me as long as it was in the past

chipsandpeas · 16/12/2022 21:15

spookymarmite · 16/12/2022 21:14

I think this is the crazy paranoid poster with a name change, the one who yesterday and today was posting about looking up the location of strip clubs near her boyfriends hotel.

ooo yeah forgot about that

Dotcheck · 16/12/2022 21:16

Cheesecheeserson · 16/12/2022 21:11

Does not bode well for how he’ll treat you and approach the relationship. Studies show that men who engage in prostitution are more likely to rape.

A bit of a stretch.

Who are these people who have emerged from the womb with perfect morals, ethics and understanding of the world? Most of us grow and learn as we go along.

Grimreapers · 16/12/2022 21:19

Cheesecheeserson · 16/12/2022 21:11

Does not bode well for how he’ll treat you and approach the relationship. Studies show that men who engage in prostitution are more likely to rape.

This is bizarre.

Wouldn't bother me.

curlymacv · 16/12/2022 21:19

Personally for me this depends. Did he go a lot? Or was it more of a novelty thing/back in his younger days? Does he still have a desire to go?

I wouldn't care if it was a one off from ages ago, but would probably get the ick otherwise 😅

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 16/12/2022 21:20

cofeetablebook · 16/12/2022 21:09

Oh for crying out loud.

Good luck with your search for Mr Perfect.

I really don’t think you have to be ’perfect’ to have never gone to a strip club.
I’ve never been and I’m not perfect.

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 16/12/2022 21:21

Most will have gone in one at some point but because you were in the friend zone before he asked you out he's been more open about himself. Grim though and off putting. Best thing you can do is judge on the knowledge you have and how it makes you feel, it's not unreasonable to say no to him for any reason.

Greenshake · 16/12/2022 21:23

Cheesecheeserson · 16/12/2022 21:11

Does not bode well for how he’ll treat you and approach the relationship. Studies show that men who engage in prostitution are more likely to rape.

Except…..stripping isn’t prostitution. Many people engaged in this work would take issue with your view as there is a clear difference.

FloydPepper · 16/12/2022 21:28

So by that logic, never get together with someone who has done something in the past that you wouldn’t want them to do in the future…

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 16/12/2022 21:37

FloydPepper · 16/12/2022 21:28

So by that logic, never get together with someone who has done something in the past that you wouldn’t want them to do in the future…

Well, yeah.
That’s pretty smart.

OP posts:
Onnabugeisha · 16/12/2022 21:40

I’ve been asked out by a friend (man) and I’m not sure if I feel that way about him,

And stop right there. This is why you should stay friends.
The strip club is just reaching for a ‘good reason.’ You don’t need one. Women are not obligated to date any man that asks unless they have ‘good reason.’ You can just say you’re not feeling it and turn him down.

DivaEx · 16/12/2022 21:40

It would be a red flag for me. If he went once out of curiosity I'd give him a a chance . If he was a regular then absolutely no way.

I don't think it's nearly as common as some people here think. Maybe I'm just naive, but I've only met a handful of men who have admitted to) going to a strip club.

comical2023 · 16/12/2022 21:42

My partner has been many times, as far as I’m aware none are since he met me but I honestly couldn’t care less if he did go to one.

theydontspeakforus · 16/12/2022 21:45

Reader, I married him.

Not sure I know any blokes who haven't, at least once.

liarliarshortsonfire · 16/12/2022 21:45

I was a smoker but wouldn't go out with a smoker now

I've also been arrested (in my teens), but wouldn't go out with someone who has been arrested recently

I've also thrown up in the street after getting drunk with my mates, again I'd be horrified if anyone I was with did it whilst we were dating

There are lots of things I've done earlier in my life which wouldn't be acceptable to me in a partner if they did it now.

It's the same with things like strip clubs, it's all about context. Is it something he does all the time, recently or is it for a friends stag do?

Doesn't sound like you're into him that much anyway, so chuck him back

Mum2jenny · 16/12/2022 21:47

I’ve been in a strip club and I’m female and I really enjoyed it. Mainly as the ‘men’ there were rubbish and I did interact with the girls.
it was really good fun from my point of view.
But I do understand it isn’t for everyone.

girlmom21 · 16/12/2022 21:48

I think someone who'd been in the past but didn't particularly have an interest in going again is fine, but someone who enjoys attending them would be a dealbreaker.

Swipe left for the next trending thread