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Original poster

Could you date a man who has gone to a strip club?

188 replies

CantAskAnyoneElse · 16/12/2022 21:08

That’s pretty much it.

I’ve been asked out by a friend (man) and I’m not sure if I feel that way about him, he’s nuce enough and I was thinking about it.
But then I remembered how he has said he’s been in some strip clubs in his time.
He seemed pretty happy about those memories, but it just gives me gross feeling.

I know everyone has different standards, but I’m a feminist type, and I don’t think it’s going to be something I’ll be okey with.

It’s a bad idea, right?

OP posts:
MoreFrogs · 17/12/2022 06:49

My DH has never been to a strip club and isn't interested in going.
I personally would be ok with it if he only went once or twice egged on by friends and if he looked back at it embarrassingly. I would prefer that he would never go again because he thinks it's seedy and exploitative. I couldn't be with a man who thinks prostitution and strip clubs are ok, we just wouldn't be compatible and it would give make me feel repulsion towards him so I couldn't even just have a one night stand with a man like that.

MoreFrogs · 17/12/2022 06:55

MaxTalk · 17/12/2022 00:33

Is there a man in the UK who either hasn't been to a strip club or would happily go to one if the opportunity presented itself?

If you think there is, you are living in a dream world. Cue the " my DH would never go to one..." comments.. :)

I think there are plenty who haven't. When I met my husband I was one of those women who thought that sex work was legitimate, 'empowering' work and was very much supportive of it (page 3, strippers the whole lot) I thought hurrah we are using sexuality as a power over men, I thought if you got it flaunt it, I thought this is normal and the way the world is, women sell their bodies, rich(er) men pay, fair equal transaction. I was far more sexually deviant and open than him I even suggested going to strip clubs but he would grimace and say no. He's been on stag nights and I wouldn't have had a problem with him going to strip clubs at all but neither he nor his friends did. I've since had my eyes opened thanks to Feminism board on here and changed my stance on 'sex work'. I actually cringe at how stupid I was about all this. So no, my experience is that not all men go to a strip club or if they've gone they don't all necessarily look back fondly on it.

Opaljewel · 17/12/2022 07:02

Not all men like strip clubs. Mine doesn't and thinks they are sleazy and outdated. His words.

ShandaLear · 17/12/2022 07:03

I’ve been to a strip club. It’s just women dancing with hardly any clothes on. They were mostly dancers or gymnasts I reckon. I’d be more offended if he went to see Coldplay.

PerfectPenquins · 17/12/2022 07:09

It's a completely normal line to have. The few comments about being single for a long time, what exactly is wrong with that? Not everyone feels the need to be with a man if they are happy with themselves and their lives. Sometimes, it's just a bonus, and so there is no need to settle.
It would be one of my lines to draw if I was interested in having a partner. There actually are a lot of men who haven't been to strip bars lol. I'm surprised to see some women think its a right of man hood and so everyone of them has been.

Strugglingtodomybest · 17/12/2022 07:21

The guy in question is very much ”lot of good memories from those places”.

This would be a major turn off for me too. Like pp say, if he'd been and learnt from it, that's one thing, but it sounds to me like he would happily go again.

C1N1C · 17/12/2022 07:32

I've never been as a guy but I would be curious about the Thai ones as mentioned above, not because of anything sexual but because (sad to say) it's almost one if those things you hear about and 'they' say you must do when visiting.

I wouldn't enjoy the 'backstory' to it, but I'd enjoy having done it, and my wife who would would go with me has said she feels the same. I'd be mortified though if the decision to go affected my chances with someone though.

Yes, there are those seedy men that go for sex etc, but many just go for chicken wings (apparently Hooters makes some good ones!), stag parties, or have just been dragged to them.

I think you instinctively know what sort of man you have from his actions in the relationship. And we have to watch for double standards here... how many women have had a stripper or been to Magic Mike? Enjoying sexualised entertainment once or twice doesn't necessarily lead to sex or mean you're a bad person.

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 17/12/2022 07:33

It would depend when,why, how does he feel about it now. In my youth I went to one too and I'm a woman. I was a dick,and so were the group I went there with.

When it comes to this specific man however, it sounds like you're just not feeling it. If you don't know,then the answer is no. No need to go looking for reasons.

HideTheCroissants · 17/12/2022 07:38

Depends on the type of strip club and the circumstances.

Turn it around… should my partner stay married to me because I went to a male strip show on a hen night?

BiscuitLover3678 · 17/12/2022 07:42

I think find out if he really does see these as positive experiences or regrets it abs feels bad m. Work out if you’re on the same page. If not then you have your answer.

dh went to a strip club at 18 and he is very embarrassed about it and thinks it’s awful. The idea terrifies him how! So for me that’s fine.

Brrrrrrrrrrrr · 17/12/2022 07:43

PSA: Most men have been/ go to strip clubs. Even the butter wouldn’t melt types. A big chunk of Guys love them. Same goes for porn, they ALL watch it.

romdowa · 17/12/2022 07:54

I've been to several strip clubs when I was younger. I've been to male strip shows as well. Doesn't mean I'm likely to go to one now

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 17/12/2022 08:23

many just go for chicken wings
(apparently Hooters makes some good ones!), stag parties, or have just been dragged to them.

It is peculiar how these places do so well and have have barely or non clothed young women, considering men don’t actually care about that, only want food and are forced to go🤥🤔.

And we have to watch for double standards here... how many women have had a stripper or been to Magic Mike?

No hypocrisy from.
Never been, never want to.
Those are gross too, but let’s be real, the history is just not the same here.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 17/12/2022 08:29

Of course I would if I liked him. I’ve just started dating someone, I’ve no idea if he’s been to a strip club, but at 48 I’m sure he’s got a past.

napody · 17/12/2022 08:30

stevalnamechanger · 16/12/2022 21:59

I'm a feminist type and yes I could as long as they haven't paid for private dances and gone outside of stag do etc

Yeah, I think that'd be my line too. Someone who went in regularly/alone would just lose my respect for being so sad and creepy.

But it's irrelevant OP as you're not feeling it anyway- you don't have to go out with someone just because they ask!

qpmz · 17/12/2022 08:48

Opaljewel · 17/12/2022 07:02

Not all men like strip clubs. Mine doesn't and thinks they are sleazy and outdated. His words.

But would you divorce him if he visited one in the past?

LabradorEyes · 17/12/2022 09:21

I've been once as a student. Beer was cheap in those places so we went for the cheap booze. I'm a straight woman and I would not judge a guy for having been to one. I would judge if that was his regular form of entertainment nowadays

IncompleteSenten · 17/12/2022 09:25

Each to their own but I couldn't because I think it's creepy.

LlynTegid · 17/12/2022 10:12

It would depend how long ago and the age they were at the time. I'd have a very different view if they were 21 at the time than say 31.

layladomino · 17/12/2022 15:07

If you're not really feeling it for him, the strip club is irrelevant. You don't have to go out with someone just because they asked you.

I wouldn't pursue a relationship with someone who thought strip clubs were OK, that women's bodies are there for entertainment. But I wouldn't hold a one-off or distant history visit against someone I don't think.

PrincessConstance · 17/12/2022 15:16

I actually asked Dp if we could go to a strip club together.
He declined.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 17/12/2022 15:19

It would depend on the circumstances and how long ago. I went to a sex show when in Amsterdam aged 19 because my friends and I thought we were being very risqué and cool. I absolutely wouldn’t go to one now in my mid-30s.

I wouldn’t judge someone who had been to one once or twice in the past as part of a stag-do or holiday etc where they had kind of gotten swept along in the night out. If somebody was still frequenting them regularly past the age of about 25 as part of a normal night out I would assume they were unlikely to hold many of the same values as me and be unlikely to date them.

C1N1C · 17/12/2022 18:15

PrincessConstance · 17/12/2022 15:16

I actually asked Dp if we could go to a strip club together.
He declined.

It's a trap!

PrincessConstance · 17/12/2022 18:16

C1N1C · 17/12/2022 18:15

It's a trap!

Show quote history

Why is it a trap?

Mumma · 17/12/2022 18:29

I've been to a few myself. I'd go again.

I wouldnt be mad if DP went to one on a stag do etc... but if he hid it from me i would be angry.