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Original poster

Could you date a man who has gone to a strip club?

188 replies

CantAskAnyoneElse · 16/12/2022 21:08

That’s pretty much it.

I’ve been asked out by a friend (man) and I’m not sure if I feel that way about him, he’s nuce enough and I was thinking about it.
But then I remembered how he has said he’s been in some strip clubs in his time.
He seemed pretty happy about those memories, but it just gives me gross feeling.

I know everyone has different standards, but I’m a feminist type, and I don’t think it’s going to be something I’ll be okey with.

It’s a bad idea, right?

OP posts:
MrsMikeDrop · 09/04/2023 08:47

MolkosTeenageAngst · 17/12/2022 15:19

It would depend on the circumstances and how long ago. I went to a sex show when in Amsterdam aged 19 because my friends and I thought we were being very risqué and cool. I absolutely wouldn’t go to one now in my mid-30s.

I wouldn’t judge someone who had been to one once or twice in the past as part of a stag-do or holiday etc where they had kind of gotten swept along in the night out. If somebody was still frequenting them regularly past the age of about 25 as part of a normal night out I would assume they were unlikely to hold many of the same values as me and be unlikely to date them.

Exactly. Most people have been to something when they were young as a curiously thing. It doenst mean they liked it or even that they would go again. It's more strange not to have been, I'd be more worried about that.

Weekenders · 09/04/2023 08:51

EmmaGrundyForPM · 08/04/2023 14:46

My dh has never been to a strip club. I'm fairly certain most of my friends husbands haven't either

Show quote history

Men famously never lie about this stuff to their partners.

Remmy123 · 09/04/2023 08:53

Most men have been to strip clubs

Manichean · 09/04/2023 12:30

He is an arse.

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 09/04/2023 13:13

MrsMikeDrop · 09/04/2023 08:47

Exactly. Most people have been to something when they were young as a curiously thing. It doenst mean they liked it or even that they would go again. It's more strange not to have been, I'd be more worried about that.

Show quote history

This way of thinking is what’s weird?
Weird to have not been to strip club?
Where the hell do you live and what kind of people you spent time with?
This is so far from my normal.

OP posts:
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 09/04/2023 13:41

Exactly. Most people have been to something when they were young as a curiously thing. It doenst mean they liked it or even that they would go again. It's more strange not to have been, I'd be more worried about that.

I don't think there's anything strange to not have been. After all if it's that mainstream and normal there wouldn't be the curiosity/fantasy element.

BubziOwl · 09/04/2023 13:58

I cannot stand the inevitable "haha your husband is lying" comments that come when someone says their husband/male friend/whoever has never been to a strip club. What do you want people to say to that? If you just insist everyone is lying then the discussion is over isn't it? I know very well my husband isn't lying. He's just not good at lying, and he also has morals of his own independent of whether or not I'd like him going to one. More than anything, if he goes out with his friends drinking (which is rare), he's down the village pub. I don't think they have strip nights there...

He'd certainly not lie to me about whether his friends have ever been to one - he's told me much worse things about some of them. Most of his friends are not the type anyway.

I think this might be a generational thing too. I feel like strip clubs are viewed as quite tragic amongst a lot of people my age, and I've noticed even more so by those younger than me. I also don't know any men in my circles who've had the traditional boozy 'lads on tour' type of stag do yet 🤷‍♀️ they've all just done paintballing or something like that

QueefQueen80s · 09/04/2023 14:46

I know plenty of men who went when they were young as a curiosity thing in groups of men and women, but thankfully don't really know laddy men or groups of city men etc. I have male friends and had partners and none of them have been on stag dos, have corporate client types etc.
It's just grim that men would pay to be around naked women and objectifying them. Like going back to the dark ages despite all the feminist progress etc.

PaintedEgg · 09/04/2023 15:12

Im a feminist, but I wouldn't mind. Can't imagine this being a bad experience either, so obviously he doesn't think badly of those memories

ismaelyork · 18/04/2023 10:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 18/04/2023 14:02

Eeewww!!

Buzz of weirdo!

You really think beinging up an old thread to promote yoir gross busines is a right thing to do?

What is wrong with you?

OP posts:
Neverhand · 18/04/2023 17:34

CantAskAnyoneElse · 18/04/2023 14:02

Eeewww!!

Buzz of weirdo!

You really think beinging up an old thread to promote yoir gross busines is a right thing to do?

What is wrong with you?

Just seen this thread. Interesting resurrection. OP assume you didn't date him?

My DP has been in the past - a lot. It's very problematic for me. I didn't know when I met him. He justified it massively even though he would not ever go now (old, not interested and also probably realises the harm). But people have very different opinions. It weighs on my mind a lot.

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 18/04/2023 17:55

OP assume you didn't date him?

No, couldn’t do it.
The strip clubs were bad enough for me.
But the fact that he was (is) very happy about it all, like it was good times heh heh, was so off putting to me.

Sorry you’re struggling with this topic, I know how upsetting it is.
Sounds that you two have talked about, has he said or done anything to help you at all?

OP posts:
LucifersLight · 18/04/2023 18:10

Well it might be hard to find a male who as a teen wasn’t peer-pressured into something like this, especially the strippers in rugby club parties, or a blokes pub crawl that happened to pass a particular pub that had stripppers on.

OldFan · 18/04/2023 18:16

@CantAskAnyoneElse Well done for not meeting up with him OP.

The strip clubs were bad enough for me. But the fact that he was (is) very happy about it all, like it was good times heh heh, was so off putting to me.

Yep, if he'd repented of it and regretted doing it that'd be one thing, but if he thinks it's funny then of course there's less to stop him doing it again, and/or it shows his attitude to sexual activities.

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 18/04/2023 18:33

LucifersLight · 18/04/2023 18:10

Well it might be hard to find a male who as a teen wasn’t peer-pressured into something like this, especially the strippers in rugby club parties, or a blokes pub crawl that happened to pass a particular pub that had stripppers on.

Yeah, this is what I and other women who don’t like this type of behaviour always get.
As if this the best that it could ever get, so better be fine with it.

Luckily for me, I’ve never been scared of being single, so I won’t have to settle 😇

OP posts:
Neverhand · 18/04/2023 18:43

LucifersLight · 18/04/2023 18:10

Well it might be hard to find a male who as a teen wasn’t peer-pressured into something like this, especially the strippers in rugby club parties, or a blokes pub crawl that happened to pass a particular pub that had stripppers on.

I think that's partly true. But lots haven't. Depends on age, frequency, context of course as to whether one can feel it's 'ok' to live with.

I think a peer pressured daft thing as a very young man is probably forgivable.

Neverhand · 18/04/2023 18:46

CantAskAnyoneElse · 18/04/2023 17:55

OP assume you didn't date him?

No, couldn’t do it.
The strip clubs were bad enough for me.
But the fact that he was (is) very happy about it all, like it was good times heh heh, was so off putting to me.

Sorry you’re struggling with this topic, I know how upsetting it is.
Sounds that you two have talked about, has he said or done anything to help you at all?

Good for you. Difficult for those like me.

I'm proper anti it - all of it! Found out months and months in. He wasn't like your story, definitely wasn't sort of bugging it up, more a bit baffled why I felt so strongly! Defended it rather than said he enjoyed it. He'd gone along many many times with mates, for drinks, and it just became normal. Seemed to think it was just harmless, even though (and I think I do believe this) he wasn't the main protagonist. It's complicated. 20 years ago.

Now he's says he'd never go. I also believe that. I struggle with it, not daily, not even weekly, but often. Even several years in.

Neverhand · 18/04/2023 18:47

#bigging 😀

Satsumastocking · 18/04/2023 18:47

I've been in four relationships. Only one of those men had been in a strip club and that was when he had a psychotic episode. It isn't something most men I know would think acceptable when in their right minds. But then I would only go out with a feminist.

Neverhand · 18/04/2023 18:49

Satsumastocking · 18/04/2023 18:47

I've been in four relationships. Only one of those men had been in a strip club and that was when he had a psychotic episode. It isn't something most men I know would think acceptable when in their right minds. But then I would only go out with a feminist.

I've been out with more than that as I'm old. And only two that I know of (though when I was very young they weren't really a thing, although there were strippers around of course).

So yes lots don't. Mind you. Lots aren't honest about it as we know so I could be wrong. I'm a feminist and prefer to date that way too. Issue is many men are lists when it comes to porn, strippers, etc. even some of the right on ones.

I can imagine some of the men I've dated who hadn't, may well have been since. Who knows!

Neverhand · 18/04/2023 18:50

#liars

Pinkprescription · 18/04/2023 18:53

Given we used to be taken to them by work as graduates… I really couldn’t judge.

Neverhand · 18/04/2023 18:53

Satsumastocking · 18/04/2023 18:47

I've been in four relationships. Only one of those men had been in a strip club and that was when he had a psychotic episode. It isn't something most men I know would think acceptable when in their right minds. But then I would only go out with a feminist.

And I agree with you. But many men and women go. Is it a big city, clubbing, drugs, drink, nightlife thing maybe. Seems normal for some.

I worked with some men recently and one, who is the sweetest, doting dad, right on type of man admitted he'd been to loads on stag nights. He wouldn't go normally but said his wife only knew about one, had gone ballistic (rightly), so he hasn't mentioned the others. I would never have thought he'd go. Hippy type really! Prob about 40.

LovMydog · 18/04/2023 19:28

I'd have no problem at all. Wouldn't be so keen if it was a regular thing but otherwise, no, it wouldn't bother me.

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