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Original poster

Could you date a man who has gone to a strip club?

188 replies

CantAskAnyoneElse · 16/12/2022 21:08

That’s pretty much it.

I’ve been asked out by a friend (man) and I’m not sure if I feel that way about him, he’s nuce enough and I was thinking about it.
But then I remembered how he has said he’s been in some strip clubs in his time.
He seemed pretty happy about those memories, but it just gives me gross feeling.

I know everyone has different standards, but I’m a feminist type, and I don’t think it’s going to be something I’ll be okey with.

It’s a bad idea, right?

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 18/04/2023 19:36

Once when young and now ashamed of it- yes. More often than that and as a mature adult-no.

Daiaychainxo · 19/04/2023 02:16

The comments here are hilarious! News flash - that perfect guy you're with who would never do that isn't actually that perfect! The fact that he hasn't told you about whether he's ever been to a club or tells you every sexual thought he's had or every time he might have watched porn, doesn't make the argument you think it does. Some people are so deluded.

How about burlesque shows? Or are they ok because burlesque is hip now and cool?

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 19/04/2023 04:52

Daiaychainxo · 19/04/2023 02:16

The comments here are hilarious! News flash - that perfect guy you're with who would never do that isn't actually that perfect! The fact that he hasn't told you about whether he's ever been to a club or tells you every sexual thought he's had or every time he might have watched porn, doesn't make the argument you think it does. Some people are so deluded.

How about burlesque shows? Or are they ok because burlesque is hip now and cool?

🙄🥱

I will never understand people like you.
What is the psychology behind comments like this?
It’s the same as people who are in miserable marriages but too scared to leave, so they stay and convince themselves that everyone else’s marriages are just as misarable.
Sorry you have such a low opinion of men, maybe consider spending time with better quality men in the future.

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 19/04/2023 05:19

Well said @CantAskAnyoneElse

Marineboy67 · 19/04/2023 05:24

Personally I've never been to a strip club however should all men be condemned for doing so? Enough women go and see the Dreamboys and similar acts are they to be pigeon holed as well? Usual double standards from some 😒

EdgeOfACoin · 19/04/2023 06:14

I mean, I know my husband hasn't been to one. He's very against them - he sees it as a form of cheating as well as exploitative of women.

He left a stag do early to avoid the trip to a strip club.

I know it makes a lot of women feel better to say that 'all men lie', and I have no doubt that some do. However, some men genuinely don't go to strip clubs.

gerbilcrocus · 19/04/2023 06:42

The strip clubs were bad enough for me. But the fact that he was (is) very happy about it all, like it was good times heh heh, was so off putting to me.

Context is everything here... It's one thing to have been once or twice 10 years ago as part of a stag do and skulked around embarrassed as the sidelines, it's another thing altogether to be sleazily recounting how he enjoyed his experiences to a female friend who he's asked out on a date.

It's like comparing a guy who was given a copy of Razzle by his mates in his teens, to another who pervily like to tell you about the stuff on Pornhub that he's into. It's comparing chalk with cheese (though there are some on here who seem determined to make the equivalence!)

In your case OP, I'm not surprised this guy would give you the ick. Going to a strip club at some point in the past isn't the issue, it's his current attitude.

gerbilcrocus · 19/04/2023 06:47

Marineboy67 · 19/04/2023 05:24

Personally I've never been to a strip club however should all men be condemned for doing so? Enough women go and see the Dreamboys and similar acts are they to be pigeon holed as well? Usual double standards from some 😒

It does feel like some women on here naively believe their DHs have only ever had the purest of minds when it comes to sex, and have never so much as looked at "page 3" (showing my age) for a milli-second.

knittingaddict · 19/04/2023 06:49

NO.

Plenty of men have never been to a strip club. Why not choose one of those?

knittingaddict · 19/04/2023 06:53

gerbilcrocus · 19/04/2023 06:47

It does feel like some women on here naively believe their DHs have only ever had the purest of minds when it comes to sex, and have never so much as looked at "page 3" (showing my age) for a milli-second.

Show quote history

So predictable.

Posts like this are a given on threads like this.

I would suggest that women on here have a better chance of knowing the men in their lives than you do. There's a few stages between sainthood and not going to a strip club or watching porn. Believe it or not some men don't enjoy either.

knittingaddict · 19/04/2023 06:57

While I'm here, Marineboy67 may I suggest that the women who go to see Dreamboys are probably women who don't mind their partners going to strip clubs. The women who won't tolerate strip clubs probably wouldn't indulge themselves. Not a hive mind.

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 19/04/2023 07:36

Marineboy67 · 19/04/2023 05:24

Personally I've never been to a strip club however should all men be condemned for doing so? Enough women go and see the Dreamboys and similar acts are they to be pigeon holed as well? Usual double standards from some 😒

Hi boy

No double standards here.
Never been to whatever dreamboys is, to my knowledge women in my life haven’t either.

I know you tried some kind of lazy gotcha, and I don’t support any kind of strip shows, the comparison isin’t fair.
The history and society and how we see women & men just isin’t the same.

OP posts:
Fuctifin0 · 19/04/2023 08:36

Wouldn't bother me.

brunettemic · 19/04/2023 09:21

Is this a joke? Imagine if a man came on here asking if he should go out with a woman who went to see the Dreamboys (or whatever they’re called 😂), he’d get ripped to shreds. I’m baffled about why this would even be a question.

Aussiegirl123456 · 19/04/2023 10:17

brunettemic · 19/04/2023 09:21

Is this a joke? Imagine if a man came on here asking if he should go out with a woman who went to see the Dreamboys (or whatever they’re called 😂), he’d get ripped to shreds. I’m baffled about why this would even be a question.

🙄
Would he? Poor little lamb.
There’s men who exist who’ll only date virgins. Men who’ll only date blondes or brunettes. Men who’ll only date such and such. Good thing, choice and standards.

And you are aware of the difference between male and female strippers, right? I mean, how many male strippers are exploited and trafficked? How many of them are only stripping to feed their kids because they’re a single dad?

I think when I was a dancer, I was probably the only one out of about 40 of us who wasn’t there under pretty dire circumstances.

If a woman doesn’t want to date a man who had visited strip clubs then that’s her choice.

And there certainly are men who’ve never visited a strip club or intend to and don’t need to lie about it. Not all men are seedy, sex starved, uncontrollable animals who go to strip clubs and lie to cover their whereabouts.

If you’re happy with your partner or spouse visiting these clubs then all good. Your choice. But don’t undermine OP or any others who have their bars set at different levels. And don’t claim all men visit them and lie about it. And definitely don’t pull the “if a man asked this…” card. We are all allowed to choose what we settle for.

brunettemic · 19/04/2023 12:04

Where did I claim all men visit them? Where did I claim men lie about it? Where did I say male strippers are trafficked? Where did I undermine OP? A different opinion is not undermining.

DH has been to strip clubs on stag weekends, only once since I’ve known him, twice before I met him. There’s clearly a difference between “visiting” and “has visited”…OP has clearly implied it’s been in the past and frankly I think it would be worse if he’d lied about going.

Aussiegirl123456 · 19/04/2023 12:38

brunettemic · 19/04/2023 12:04

Where did I claim all men visit them? Where did I claim men lie about it? Where did I say male strippers are trafficked? Where did I undermine OP? A different opinion is not undermining.

DH has been to strip clubs on stag weekends, only once since I’ve known him, twice before I met him. There’s clearly a difference between “visiting” and “has visited”…OP has clearly implied it’s been in the past and frankly I think it would be worse if he’d lied about going.

What the heck are you harping on about? I was responding to the previous poster who said “all men go, most just lie about it”. Chill.

And before you ask why I quoted your message, it was because I was also responding to some of the points you made comparing dreamboys to strippers and how you implied a man would get ‘ripped to shreds’.

Now take a deep breath.

Daiaychainxo · 19/04/2023 14:31

It's the utter naively and gullibility that i find hilarious and at times ridiculous. Its the same pompous 'well my husband is basically a chaste monk who would never do x y and z, is disgusted even if he sees an insta bikini model and hurriedly scrolls past, his own sexual thoughts revolve around me' .. fine, believe that if it makes me you better.

sasserfrass · 19/04/2023 14:35

No

sasserfrass · 19/04/2023 14:37

In answer the the OP. No I wouldn't date a man who has been to strip clubs or thinks it's an appropriate thing to do.

Fleebeee · 19/04/2023 14:48

Strip clubs are revolting but I do think that a lot of the women who think their husbands have never been to one, or have never used porn are decidedly naive.

Twenty years ago no stag do was complete without a visit to a strip club. Also twenty odd years ago there was an episode of friends when porn was on in the background for the entire episode and no one blinked an eye. Not that either of those are right but it was very very common and it was talked about fairly freely. It doesn’t sound like this man is for you but I wouldn’t trust another man just because he says he respects women. Good luck finding a truthful one who respects women enough. They do exist but they’re few and far between.

Skybluepinky · 19/04/2023 14:51

U probably already have they just haven’t told u.

CurlewKate · 19/04/2023 15:44

@Daiaychainxo "well my husband is basically a chaste monk who would never do x y and z, is disgusted even if he sees an insta bikini model and hurriedly scrolls past, his own sexual thoughts revolve around me'"

Well, better to believe that than believe that all men are porn addicts who can't go a week without ramming their dick into an abused woman they've hired for 20 minutes from a people trafficker.

Remmy123 · 21/04/2023 09:31

Show me a man that has never been to a strip club 🤣🤣

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 21/04/2023 09:56

You’re very late @Remmy123 , we’ve been through the gloating portion on this topic already.

OP posts: