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Original poster

DH wants to put dog to sleep

208 replies

mrsjackrussell · 11/12/2022 23:23

I wasn’t sure whether to post in here or doghouse. It is a relationship issue aswell.

I have a 17 year old dog. She has arthritis and is on painkillers for this. Morphine and anti inflammatories. Can’t be walked far at all because of the pain. She goes to hydrotherapy and swims for 10 minutes and the vet says that she is uncomfortable but not in severe pain. The vet and hydro therapist says that it’s only a matter of time before she dies . She limps about indoors, enjoys her food and the rest of the time sleeps.

The issue is that she wees and poos indoors nearly all the time now. It’s been going on for nearly a year even if I have the back door open. She’s not incontinent as she’s goes in certain places. It’s getting us both down but my Dh mainly clears it up because he’s always up early. I’m disabled but can get down and clean it up and do my share although it’s a struggle.

He keeps wanting to get her put to sleep because of this and I don’t agree with it. He says it’s getting him down so much and gets really angry over it like he thinks she does it on purpose. Iv got to the point where Iv called his bluff and said okay book the appointment and you take her but he says that he couldn’t live with himself and that I would hate him. Which I would . We just keep having arguments over it as he keeps getting annoyed and because she’s my dog it’s making me feel like it’s my fault.

Im really disliking him over this. We have other issues anyway but am I over reacting? I just don’t know what I can do about this. I can see his point of view but apart from PTS what else can I do? It’s like he wants me to get angry too and agree with him but I don’t.

OP posts:
Zigazagah · 11/12/2022 23:25

Sounds very sad but like the kindest thing for dog is to be pts. A lot of pain for her

Heavyraindropsarefallingonmyhead · 11/12/2022 23:26

If she goes in specific places can you not put puppy pads down to make the clear up easier? (I realise that's not the point of the thread sorry!)

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 11/12/2022 23:28

It's hard to face but doesn't sound as though your dog's quality of life is very good any more. It isn't nice for a dog to be incontinent and unable to stop messing in 'their' territory; nor to be in pain/discomfort that they can't understand. I know exactly how you feel as I've been in that position twice before with elderly cats - it's really difficult but I think your DH might be right here and it's time to let her go while she is still getting a little enjoyment out of her life, rather than wait until all the light has gone for her. Flowers

Flowerytray · 11/12/2022 23:28

Zigazagah · 11/12/2022 23:25

Sounds very sad but like the kindest thing for dog is to be pts. A lot of pain for her

I would definitely PTS if I thought she was in a lot of pain. Both the vet and hydro man have said that it's more discomfort. She swims for 10 minutes in the pool.

NoSquirrels · 11/12/2022 23:28

At what point do you think you’ll feel ready to discuss PTS as an option?

I understand it is a huge, heart wrenching decision to make - I dread the time coming.

But if your 17 year old dog can’t walk far, is toileting inside (presumably because going outside is painful in some sense for her), is on heavy duty meds and the vet and hydrotherapist agree she will die soon, then I would argue it may well be time now.

Are you prolonging her life to be kind to her, or because you can’t bear to lose her?

Dotcheck · 11/12/2022 23:28

You’re disliking HIM over this? My word. The dog is in constant pain. When my dog got like that, he was so distressed over having accidents inside. The kindest thing, by miles would be to give that poor dog a peaceful end.
YOU are being very cruel

Ravageur · 11/12/2022 23:29

Dogs don't like not being clean. She's in pain as well. Let her go 🌈

Flowerytray · 11/12/2022 23:29

Heavyraindropsarefallingonmyhead · 11/12/2022 23:26

If she goes in specific places can you not put puppy pads down to make the clear up easier? (I realise that's not the point of the thread sorry!)

We tried that but she never used them.

pastypirate · 11/12/2022 23:30

She's 17 and in pain. It sounds like your dh wants your blessing to do this and I can understand why. She sounds like a cherished and loved dog but she needs peace now. I am a dog lover and owner and when the time comes with my boy it will break me. I do understand x

darkwinterdays · 11/12/2022 23:30

I am with your DH on this one. The dog is suffering and is being kept going with drugs. At 17 the dog has had a long life, I am not sure what you are trying to achieve by insisting the dog is not to be pts. There appears to be little quality to the dogs life, and it is impacting your DH's happiness.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 11/12/2022 23:31

@mrsjackrussell I think you've had a name-change fail - if you message MNHQ they can sort this out for you tomorrow if it matters.

NoSquirrels · 11/12/2022 23:32

We just keep having arguments over it as he keeps getting annoyed and because she’s my dog it’s making me feel like it’s my fault.

It’s not your fault because she’s your dog, but your refusal to understand his feelings and to try to force him to be the one to make the final decision, is not very kind to him. That’s what frustrating him.

I know it’s really hard. But sometimes we have to do a final kindness for our loyal animal companions. Flowers

StrawberryPot · 11/12/2022 23:32

if your 17 year old dog can’t walk far, is toileting inside (presumably because going outside is painful in some sense for her), is on heavy duty meds and the vet and hydrotherapist agree she will die soon, then I would argue it may well be time now.

^^ This I'm afraid. 17 is an amazing age for a dog. I understand how difficult this is for you - and your dh - but it really does sound like time.

LexMitior · 11/12/2022 23:32

You are being unkind to your dog and your DH. He is trying to help the dog and you. I am sure he can see, because he's literally cleaning up the shit, that the dog is suffering.

MichelleScarn · 11/12/2022 23:33

Dotcheck · 11/12/2022 23:28

You’re disliking HIM over this? My word. The dog is in constant pain. When my dog got like that, he was so distressed over having accidents inside. The kindest thing, by miles would be to give that poor dog a peaceful end.
YOU are being very cruel

All of this, and you are being VERY unfair and cruel to him placing it all on him!

Pumpkin20222 · 11/12/2022 23:33

It may be kindest to PTS solely for the comfort of the dog if she is struggling with pain and at 17 will be getting worse, particularly as the winter weather starts. Very hard to do. Is there a kind vet you can talk it though with? They may be able to make it easier for her - coming out to the house, where she is relaxed, rather than stressing her with a trip to the vet. Always had animals and adore them, but quality of life is important.

Flowerytray · 11/12/2022 23:34

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 11/12/2022 23:28

It's hard to face but doesn't sound as though your dog's quality of life is very good any more. It isn't nice for a dog to be incontinent and unable to stop messing in 'their' territory; nor to be in pain/discomfort that they can't understand. I know exactly how you feel as I've been in that position twice before with elderly cats - it's really difficult but I think your DH might be right here and it's time to let her go while she is still getting a little enjoyment out of her life, rather than wait until all the light has gone for her. Flowers

Thankyou for your reply. She is not incontinent as she goes out into the garden and is aware of where she is doing it. I think that is has become a habit of doing it indoors. She does come to me sometimes and asks to go out. Even in the summer I had the back door open and she was in the garden I would find it inside.
As for the pain Iv been told by the vet that she's in discomfort but not pain and she wouldn't be able to swim for 10 minutes if she was.
My husband wants to PTS because of the toiletting issue not the pain.

Muddywaters1 · 11/12/2022 23:34

Your poor dog is suffering terribly. I'm surprised your vet hasn't suggested pts long before now. Do the right thing

electricdreaming · 11/12/2022 23:35

We had our dog PTS last year - she was my baby, and it was heartbreaking. But she couldn’t walk very far, slept most of the time, and was incontinent (sounds a very similar situation to you OP). She also had occasional fits which were horrendous to witness. As I said, it was heartbreaking to do, but the kindest thing for her. To wait and let her die naturally would’ve been miserable for her, she had no quality of life left. It’s gut wrenching but you must put your dog first. It’s the best thing to do for them. Knowing you’re having them PTS means you can give them lots of cuddles and a proper pamper before the appointment comes, and comfort them in their final moments.

Theluckoftheirish · 11/12/2022 23:36

I hate to say it but I think the kindest thing would be to put her to sleep too. Sounds very painful and no quality of life really.

I get your partners annoyance too, not that that’s a reason to pts.

I just feel after 17 years maybe your dog needs to be let go. I read somewhere that dogs don’t understand pain and suffering ( we hardly do ) so this time of life must be confusing for her. Hardest but kindest thing to do would be to pts. 💐

Flowerytray · 11/12/2022 23:36

NoSquirrels · 11/12/2022 23:28

At what point do you think you’ll feel ready to discuss PTS as an option?

I understand it is a huge, heart wrenching decision to make - I dread the time coming.

But if your 17 year old dog can’t walk far, is toileting inside (presumably because going outside is painful in some sense for her), is on heavy duty meds and the vet and hydrotherapist agree she will die soon, then I would argue it may well be time now.

Are you prolonging her life to be kind to her, or because you can’t bear to lose her?

Thankyou forget your reply.

I have discussed this recently with the vet and I asked them to be honest and he said she's okay for now but best sooner than later but not now. I listened and took their advice.

CousinKrispy · 11/12/2022 23:37

Awww it's so hard having to contemplate this decision, I'm so sorry you are having to think about it for your lovely dog.

To address the question of your husband....I can understand that this is hard on both of you. I wonder if from his point of view it's not callousness but rather that it's getting harder for him to overcome a natural sense of disgust when he has to clean these messes again and again? It's easy to say that he should put that aside, but sometimes that's hard to do (especially day after day). That might be why he sometimes appears down and angry about it. I'm afraid I would too and I adore animals and have put up with a LOT of their bodily fluids over the years!

And it sounds like he wants the two of you to agree on the decision as a team. Perhaps he is afraid of being cast as the bad guy if he takes her to be PTS but you haven't been able to let go yet. I'm sure he knows how much you love your dog and how hard it is for you to decide this and doesn't want to inflict more pain on you.

Best wishes

Readaboutyourself · 11/12/2022 23:37

I think only really you know if it’s time and whether they have a good quality of life.

For me, my elderly dog didn’t want to go out on walks, barely went outside or ate. I know I made the right decision.

They don’t need to suffer.

justasking111 · 11/12/2022 23:38

How much are you spending at the vets on Meds and hydrotherapy a month @mrsjackrussell ?

CuordiMela765 · 11/12/2022 23:38

I know it’s hard op but the only decision like this I have regretted is when I have hesitated too long. I think she must be in more pain than you imagine if she is reluctant to walk outside. I’m very sorry.