Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH wants to put dog to sleep

208 replies

mrsjackrussell · 11/12/2022 23:23

I wasn’t sure whether to post in here or doghouse. It is a relationship issue aswell.

I have a 17 year old dog. She has arthritis and is on painkillers for this. Morphine and anti inflammatories. Can’t be walked far at all because of the pain. She goes to hydrotherapy and swims for 10 minutes and the vet says that she is uncomfortable but not in severe pain. The vet and hydro therapist says that it’s only a matter of time before she dies . She limps about indoors, enjoys her food and the rest of the time sleeps.

The issue is that she wees and poos indoors nearly all the time now. It’s been going on for nearly a year even if I have the back door open. She’s not incontinent as she’s goes in certain places. It’s getting us both down but my Dh mainly clears it up because he’s always up early. I’m disabled but can get down and clean it up and do my share although it’s a struggle.

He keeps wanting to get her put to sleep because of this and I don’t agree with it. He says it’s getting him down so much and gets really angry over it like he thinks she does it on purpose. Iv got to the point where Iv called his bluff and said okay book the appointment and you take her but he says that he couldn’t live with himself and that I would hate him. Which I would . We just keep having arguments over it as he keeps getting annoyed and because she’s my dog it’s making me feel like it’s my fault.

Im really disliking him over this. We have other issues anyway but am I over reacting? I just don’t know what I can do about this. I can see his point of view but apart from PTS what else can I do? It’s like he wants me to get angry too and agree with him but I don’t.

OP posts:
GettingItOutThere · 12/12/2022 12:40

sorry OP, YOU are being cruel. Your dog cannot walk anymore, toileting in the house etc - time has come to say good bye as hard as it is

Your DH is right

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 12/12/2022 12:41

GettingItOutThere · 12/12/2022 12:40

sorry OP, YOU are being cruel. Your dog cannot walk anymore, toileting in the house etc - time has come to say good bye as hard as it is

Your DH is right

Read the thread - OP has now made the difficult decision to have her dog PTS.

justasking111 · 12/12/2022 12:44

We had to PTS our gorgeous boy. We tried lots of medicine including dementia ones. We have a pet cremation service so opted for that he's in a box with a silver plaque and spare ashes to spread wherever. He died in February. We'll do it on the first anniversary

Original poster
mrsjackrussell · 12/12/2022 12:49

justasking111 · 12/12/2022 12:44

We had to PTS our gorgeous boy. We tried lots of medicine including dementia ones. We have a pet cremation service so opted for that he's in a box with a silver plaque and spare ashes to spread wherever. He died in February. We'll do it on the first anniversary

Sorry it is hard isn't it Flowers I wanted to bury mine but the ground is too hard so will have to get cremated also. I'm saying this sitting here looking at her.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsjackrussell · 12/12/2022 12:51

Justlovedogs · 12/12/2022 12:26

Sending many hugs, OP. Been there several times and it's always hard, but it does genuinely sound like it's time, regardless. Thinking of you. Flowers
Your other issues with your DH, though, sound like they should be on another thread.

Thankyou yes it is hard. Iv done it before a few times also. Yes I should do another thread but that's a whole other story

OP posts:
MontyK · 12/12/2022 12:56

I'm sorry you are having to make this decision but I really think it's the right one.

We were in a similar situation this year, our girl had deteriorated over about 12 months and kept falling then couldn't get up without help, back legs kept going and pooing/weeing all over the house. I once found her lying in a huge puddle of wee because she couldn't get up Sad

There were clearly other things going on too as she had lost so much condition and looked skinny.

However, she was still ok in her mind and was quite bright and alert and still eating enthusiastically. This made the decision SO difficult but we still went ahead although it took us about 8 weeks to pluck up the courage to do it.

You're doing the right thing, for you and her. Big hugs

justasking111 · 12/12/2022 13:01

We're down to one dog. He's lonely we always used to have three all working dogs labs and spaniels. But now OH 71 I'm younger but with health issues. We've almost bought a puppy but got cold feet in case anything happens health wise.

We've a feral cat semi tame now. But runs away if visitors come.

I'm seriously looking at a ragdoll cat because my DIL has one. They call them puppy cats. They're such characters. They retrieve toys, play and are gentle big cats. Would be company for my sprocket

Original poster
mrsjackrussell · 12/12/2022 13:09

justasking111 · 12/12/2022 13:01

We're down to one dog. He's lonely we always used to have three all working dogs labs and spaniels. But now OH 71 I'm younger but with health issues. We've almost bought a puppy but got cold feet in case anything happens health wise.

We've a feral cat semi tame now. But runs away if visitors come.

I'm seriously looking at a ragdoll cat because my DIL has one. They call them puppy cats. They're such characters. They retrieve toys, play and are gentle big cats. Would be company for my sprocket

Yes it's difficult when you get older. I'm disabled so can't take a dog on a lead and definitely won't be getting any more. I have 2 more dogs and a feral cat also but they are all getting on too.
Maybe you could think about an older rescue dog in the breeds that you like.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 12/12/2022 13:10

I agree with your husband. Your dog isn't happy, it's communicating with you that she isn't happy. Dogs don't look at death like we do, they live for the day and she can't do that anymore.

Have the day doing the things your dogs enjoys and eats. I'm sorry man, it must be horrible to have to come to terms with something like that.

Original poster
mrsjackrussell · 12/12/2022 13:12

@MontyK thankyou for your kind words. It is so hard. I did it last yr also with my other old dog but took her to the vet and she had heart failure come on pretty quickly so had her PTS there and then. It was an easier decision than this was.
I think it's easier if they go quickly for them and us Flowers

OP posts:
Rhino94 · 12/12/2022 13:13

Sorry I’m with your other half on this, your dog wouldn’t want to be pooing and weeing indoors, the kindest thing to do it to PTS, 17 is a really good age. It can never be too soon but always be too late, give your dog a couple of days of spoiling and make the kindest decision you will ever make for her.
Thinking of you, I do understand how heartbreaking such a decision is

Rhino94 · 12/12/2022 13:16

Just seen your update, so sorry you’ve done the best thing ❤️

Seaweedandsalt · 12/12/2022 13:16

She sounds like she doesn't have much quality of life, if she' limping she's in pain and if she can't walk more than 10 mins and is uncomfortable its not a good life, clearly the pain relief is only doing so much.

Put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself would you want to exist with the quality of life your dog has? I think you know the answer, spoil her rotten today and let her go tomorrow at home with the vet present.

Seaweedandsalt · 12/12/2022 13:19

I've just spotted your update too. Sorry x

justasking111 · 12/12/2022 13:23

@mrsjackrussell rescue won't consider us too old. Our neighbour 94 went overseas to adopt dogs 20 years ago. She's loved and cared for 5 who eventually died of old age bar her last boy who's still around.

Willmafrockfit · 12/12/2022 13:25

somebody said to me, when they go in their bed.
it is a hard decision, but a kind one

Willmafrockfit · 12/12/2022 13:26

best wishes op, i have just seen your update Flowers

Mince314s · 12/12/2022 13:29

I think you're doing the right thing, it's going to be hard for you but it definitely sounds like it's time. I think letting our pets go when it's right for them rather than for us is the last act of love we can show them after all the love they show us.

Original poster
mrsjackrussell · 12/12/2022 13:37

justasking111 · 12/12/2022 13:23

@mrsjackrussell rescue won't consider us too old. Our neighbour 94 went overseas to adopt dogs 20 years ago. She's loved and cared for 5 who eventually died of old age bar her last boy who's still around.

There's an old guy near me and he has rescues but they're quite old. He must be in his 80s

OP posts:
LosingTheWill2022 · 12/12/2022 13:41

Thinking of you @mrsjackrussell You've had to make such a tough decision. Having done it before doesn't make it any easier.
Flowers

icegoose · 12/12/2022 13:43

I hope it goes as smoothly as possible OP for you today.
It is always a hard decision.

Frazzled2207 · 12/12/2022 13:46

This is very sad but I’m with your dh. 17 is a very good age for a dog

theleafandnotthetree · 12/12/2022 13:50

justasking111 · 11/12/2022 23:55

I see @mrsjackrussell has dodged my question. How much are these vets milking you for a month.

I changed vets after decades because my vet sold out to retire. The upselling was disconcerting but the cost of painkillers, suggesting hydrothermal on a 17 year old dog of ours who was also messing indoors. My vets was now owned by an insurance company.

I changed vets to an independent one, who after seeing him a few times said it would be cruel to keep him going.

Suggest you go through Bank statement and see just how much £££££ all this supposed care is costing.

Am so glad someone brought this up. Sounds like its in a few people's interests to keep the dog alive/the gravy train rolling. Something to think about.

Willmafrockfit · 12/12/2022 14:09

when i made the decision the vet was still making suggestions for treatment

CousinKrispy · 12/12/2022 14:25

Flowers OP. I bet you have many wonderful memories of your time with her and I know you'll miss her. Some of them just aren't cuddlers though, are they 😆

When I lost my beloved cat a couple of years ago the vets offered a couple of things like pawprints and a hair sample in a little jar (like my whole house isn't a pet hair sample ...). I only got them for my young DD, but in the end even I like being able to see the cat's little jar on the shelf when I'm doing the washing up to remember her by.