DH wants to put dog to sleep

[mrsjackrussell]

I wasn’t sure whether to post in here or doghouse. It is a relationship issue aswell.

I have a 17 year old dog. She has arthritis and is on painkillers for this. Morphine and anti inflammatories. Can’t be walked far at all because of the pain. She goes to hydrotherapy and swims for 10 minutes and the vet says that she is uncomfortable but not in severe pain. The vet and hydro therapist says that it’s only a matter of time before she dies . She limps about indoors, enjoys her food and the rest of the time sleeps.

The issue is that she wees and poos indoors nearly all the time now. It’s been going on for nearly a year even if I have the back door open. She’s not incontinent as she’s goes in certain places. It’s getting us both down but my Dh mainly clears it up because he’s always up early. I’m disabled but can get down and clean it up and do my share although it’s a struggle.

He keeps wanting to get her put to sleep because of this and I don’t agree with it. He says it’s getting him down so much and gets really angry over it like he thinks she does it on purpose. Iv got to the point where Iv called his bluff and said okay book the appointment and you take her but he says that he couldn’t live with himself and that I would hate him. Which I would . We just keep having arguments over it as he keeps getting annoyed and because she’s my dog it’s making me feel like it’s my fault.

Im really disliking him over this. We have other issues anyway but am I over reacting? I just don’t know what I can do about this. I can see his point of view but apart from PTS what else can I do? It’s like he wants me to get angry too and agree with him but I don’t.

It honestly sounds like your dog needs to be PTS as they are in pain and discomfort. They won't want to be soiling indoors either. I think you are being pretty unreasonable to your DH though. I know it's incredibly hard, but I think you need to book the appointment and take the dog. Make sure you stay until they have gone. It'll be awful, you'll feel bad but for the dog it's best.

Glad to see you're doing the right thing by her. Better a week too early than a day too late.

Hope you're OK OP and that your DDog rests well x

Better a week too soon than a day too late. I'm sorry, but you need to be a responsible, loving owner and make the appointment. It's heartbreaking but you have to do it.

It's honestly a privilege to be able to have an elderly dog PTS rather than them dying of natural causes, some of which are painful, slow, and messy.

Granted it's not a very nice one, but it's an honour to our beloved pets to be able to be with them, and to make sure their passing is quick and pain free.

It sounds like her quality of life has really evaporated lately.

Our elderly girl used to wee and poo inside because going outside, especially in the cold, really affected her joints.

She was also 17 when she passed but we ummed and ahhed over it for so long that she eventually passed naturally, but slowly.

It's my biggest regret not having her PTS while she was surrounded by love and had the dignity of a peaceful passing.

We had our next dog PTS due to kidney failure, and whilst still sad, we all knew it was the right thing for her.

Death is rarely dignified. It needs to be decided with love as the sole purpose.

For what it's worth, taken on its own, your husband is not a monster for getting pissed off having to clean up pee and poo all the time and wanting to put an end to it. I come down in the morning to that occasionally and it is vile and makes the house feel very dirty. If it was happening multiple times a day I'd be going out of my mind.

17 is pretty old for a dog and its probably time to let her go. If your DH is using the dog as a stick to beat you with that is a separate matter that also needs dealing with.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead
It's honestly a privilege to be able to have an elderly dog PTS

This is true. I lost my black German shepherd Nika to a trespassing poacher that shot and killed her on our property. We owned three acres with woods that linked up to a nature preserve- where hunting was illegal. I was walking her and she dashed off after a squirrel and then I heard gunshots quite close by. I called her and nothing. Then frightened, I rushed into the house and called the police who came in a flash as another neighbour had also called about gunshots. Then with the police fanning out in the woods, I felt safe enough to really go looking for her. She was laying on her side on pine needles within our part of the woods, some of which were stuck to her mouth. And she was gone 😭. The police never caught the bastard. I was hugely pregnant and when DH got home from work we went and gently rolled her onto a tarpaulin and then buried her under her favourite tree with her favourite toy. I still remember us carrying her between us to her final resting place and how awkward I was with my belly and afraid I’d drop her. I put ribbons and some wind chimes in the tree and planted a ton of bulbs around it. She was the best dog, so clever and affectionate and fun. We’d had her from when she was a tiny puppy.

RIP Nika 1993-2001.

Thank you for all your lovely comments and advice. She is gone now. The vet agreed with our decision.

Have an big unMumsNetty hug. You absolutely did the right thing. Be sad. But be glad you could do it for your dear dog.

It seems like the other relationship issues are clouding the water here - you may be judging what he says with the perception that he is controlling or difficult in other areas. Put the dog's needs first and accept that, as the vet says this decision will need to be made sooner rather than later anyway. Not saying the dog should be pts but try to have a discussion with your husband about when you will know that the time is right. At the moment it feels like he can just see you saying no and is getting understandably frustrated.

Apologies i had not read your update. So sorry for your loss 🌈

17 is an amazing age, she had a long life and was clearly so well loved. I can imagine how tough it was for you, but agree you've done the right thing.

As for the pain Iv been told by the vet that she's in discomfort but not pain and she wouldn't be able to swim for 10 minutes if she was.

Doesn't sound like you have a great vet. If a dog is being put in the water, it's going to swim because it's being forced to. That doesn't mean it's not in pain while doing so. Also the pain for the dog might be less while IN the water since the lack of weight is going to reduce pressure but her life outside the water IS painful. If the dog can barely walk and has to be medicated, it IS in pain and to say otherwise is ridiculous. I'd reckon the vet is making some good money off of the mess and water therapy to suggest the dog keep on with that rather than end her suffering.

I understand how hard it is to let go but your consideration should be based on what is best for your dog, not based on how you feel. At 17 she's had a good life. Let her go

So sorry, I hadn't read past the first page when I commented- I see that she is gone now. You did the right thing and I hope you are ok.

I hope this helps......

I wonder if your explanation of why she does her business indoors is part of the problem

By saying what you're saying, you are undermining the possible reasons for her doing it inside, she simply may not have the energy, strength or ability to go outside each time

But by you saying 'well she knows that she is going inside and she can go outide' makes it sound like she is 'choosing' to do it inside and this is something you say you and your OH have argued over because he sees it that way. Im not surprised if thats your explanation but its only your explanation becuase you probably cant bear to say the truth which is that she is not living the live she should do and its not normal for her to do it inside.

Sounds like she has come to her natural end and you prolonging it is causing her grief and your husband.

Tearing up here. It's an awful time for you both.

Will give my boy extra cuddles this evening. As Im sure you will with your other dog

Just to say, if you haven't read updates because of op doing a name change on the thread.

Op decided last night to have the dog pts.

My condolences to you op. Xxx

Ive read the updates now, so sad for you OP, I know what its like but 17 was a fantastic age and it was clearly the right thing

Our labs loved swimming. Generally the water makes things easier on the joints. But because of the arthritis he struggled to get up on laminate flooring. He was on painkillers but we couldn't bear to see him struggle. It doesn't mean you love them any less, in fact you do it out of your love. And it will be hard for you, but please think of your dogs well being. Animals hide pain well and he's likely in more pain than you know.

Apologies I didn't get through thr full thread before I commented.

You did best for them. I know it's hard but just remember all the good memories you have together. I still laugh about our labs and we haven't had them for over 10 years.

I agree with your husband. It’s the kindest thing to do.

Just read the update.

Condolences to you 💐

The kindest thing we can do for our animals albeit the hardest for us is to know when to act and let them go. I've had to do this loads of times and it's always hard and brutal but better a day too early than a-day too late. It sounds like your dog has been can awesome friend you should do the best thing.