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Original poster

DH wants to put dog to sleep

208 replies

mrsjackrussell · 11/12/2022 23:23

I wasn’t sure whether to post in here or doghouse. It is a relationship issue aswell.

I have a 17 year old dog. She has arthritis and is on painkillers for this. Morphine and anti inflammatories. Can’t be walked far at all because of the pain. She goes to hydrotherapy and swims for 10 minutes and the vet says that she is uncomfortable but not in severe pain. The vet and hydro therapist says that it’s only a matter of time before she dies . She limps about indoors, enjoys her food and the rest of the time sleeps.

The issue is that she wees and poos indoors nearly all the time now. It’s been going on for nearly a year even if I have the back door open. She’s not incontinent as she’s goes in certain places. It’s getting us both down but my Dh mainly clears it up because he’s always up early. I’m disabled but can get down and clean it up and do my share although it’s a struggle.

He keeps wanting to get her put to sleep because of this and I don’t agree with it. He says it’s getting him down so much and gets really angry over it like he thinks she does it on purpose. Iv got to the point where Iv called his bluff and said okay book the appointment and you take her but he says that he couldn’t live with himself and that I would hate him. Which I would . We just keep having arguments over it as he keeps getting annoyed and because she’s my dog it’s making me feel like it’s my fault.

Im really disliking him over this. We have other issues anyway but am I over reacting? I just don’t know what I can do about this. I can see his point of view but apart from PTS what else can I do? It’s like he wants me to get angry too and agree with him but I don’t.

OP posts:
emmyren4 · 11/12/2022 23:54

@Flowerytray

Did you see my post about Librella? If you are unwilling to listen to the advice you're getting, I do think you should ask the vet about trying that as an option.

Postgraddope · 11/12/2022 23:54

I had my JRT PTS for all the reasons that you have mentioned. I absolutely adored her and she was only 12. As a pet owner it is the kindest act you can do ,and sad that human beings cannot have the same option.💕

Flowerytray · 11/12/2022 23:55

electricdreaming · 11/12/2022 23:44

I think if your vet has said she’s not ready yet, then you need to reiterate that to your DH. Explain that you know it’s frustrating, but she won’t be here forever, and will as you say, be gone sooner rather than later. We tried to use those dog nappy things with ours, but they felt really undignified and weren’t that effective. We just put towels down and tried to keep her on hardwood floors rather than carpet so it was easier to clean. Have you discussed the incontinence with the vet? Is it just that she can’t walk easily to get outside, or she can’t control it?

I think it's habit and she doesn't like to go outside in the cold although she did it in the summer indoors and I had the back door open. She can get into the garden.

justasking111 · 11/12/2022 23:55

I see @mrsjackrussell has dodged my question. How much are these vets milking you for a month.

I changed vets after decades because my vet sold out to retire. The upselling was disconcerting but the cost of painkillers, suggesting hydrothermal on a 17 year old dog of ours who was also messing indoors. My vets was now owned by an insurance company.

I changed vets to an independent one, who after seeing him a few times said it would be cruel to keep him going.

Suggest you go through Bank statement and see just how much £££££ all this supposed care is costing.

Muddywaters1 · 11/12/2022 23:55

If a dog is on morphine and still limps/can't manage a walk, then they are suffering

Simonjt · 11/12/2022 23:55

Flowerytray · 11/12/2022 23:53

My husband gets up very early so he does the morning lot. I do it in the daytime.

Show quote history

Why aren’t you getting up and doing it? Going in the house overnight also suggests a lack of night time sleep, a common sign of dimentia in dogs.

CousinKrispy · 11/12/2022 23:55

It is not the job of those 2 professionals to tell us exactly when to put our pets to sleep. They can advise and support but it's very rare in my experience that a vet will say "Now is the perfect time to do it " There are many logical reasons for this, and above all we are the pet owners and it is ultimately our decision.

You're the one who has to take responsibility for this decision. It's heartbreaking, but it's one of the things we take on when we take responsibility for a pet. The professionals don't make the decision for you.

Onnabugeisha · 11/12/2022 23:56

Muddywaters1 · 11/12/2022 23:55

If a dog is on morphine and still limps/can't manage a walk, then they are suffering

Exactly. And since OP says all they do is sleep, then they are on a high dosage of the stuff and it’s still not stopping the pain.

NoSquirrels · 11/12/2022 23:57

I dunno, I’ve outlived several pets and the vet never said flat out that they were ready for PTS. Whenever they said things like “soon but not now” it was meant really to be “as soon as you are ready to let go”

I agree with this. If you reframed the conversation with the vet as ‘She’s toileting indoors constantly now and it is getting difficult to manage - my DH thinks it is time to let her go but I am feeling guilty about making this decision’ then you might find you get a different conversation from the vet - more along the lines of reassurance that it would be a valid decision to say now is the right time.

At the moment they’re trying to validate your decision to keep her going by telling you the meds and hydrotherapy are not hurting her or causing her pain. They know you don’t want to let her go. They don’t know it’s causing daily difficulties at home, I assume, because you’ve underplayed how disruptive it is.

Flowerytray · 11/12/2022 23:57

DramaAlpaca · 11/12/2022 23:45

Dear God, OP, your DH is right. He's putting the welfare of the dog first and it's about time you did the same. It's not about you, it's about putting your poor dog out of pain. I despair of people like you, I really do. FFS.

Please read all of my posts. Both the vet and hydrotherapy mean have said that she is in discomfort not pain. She swims for 10 minutes in the pool. Iv asked both of them if she should be PTS and they've both said she's not ready yet. I'm listening to them because they're professionals ffs.

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:00

@NoSquirrels
Thankyou so mush for your valid reply.
I asked the vet recently re. PTS and they said she's coping okay

momonpurpose · 12/12/2022 00:02

In the kindest way OP stop keeping this dog alive for you. It is selfish and cruel. I say this as a dog owner myself

Onnabugeisha · 12/12/2022 00:03

Flowerytray · 11/12/2022 23:57

Please read all of my posts. Both the vet and hydrotherapy mean have said that she is in discomfort not pain. She swims for 10 minutes in the pool. Iv asked both of them if she should be PTS and they've both said she's not ready yet. I'm listening to them because they're professionals ffs.

Show quote history

Is this the first time you’ve had to face a PTS decision? Because it’s sounds like you are waiting for the vet to say “now is the time” and that’s not really how it goes ime. Discomfort is a low level of pain btw….

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:04

emmyren4 · 11/12/2022 23:54

@Flowerytray

Did you see my post about Librella? If you are unwilling to listen to the advice you're getting, I do think you should ask the vet about trying that as an option.

Yes I did. Thankyou v much. I'm not getting a chance to reply quick enough. I might just get her PTS. To be honest I wish she would just go naturally and quickly. I had another dog PTS last year.
I'm not one to hang on to animals and make them suffer.

JoyBeorge · 12/12/2022 00:04

Heart breaking as it is, this has to be about what is right for her. She has very little quality of life now. The last loving act you can give is to take her pain away. When I watched my mother go through this toward the end I always said we would never let an animal suffer like this x

Sarahcoggles · 12/12/2022 00:05

The cynic in me thinks they hydro therapist is unlikely to say you need to stop their source of income by having your dog PTS...,,

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:05

justasking111 · 11/12/2022 23:55

I see @mrsjackrussell has dodged my question. How much are these vets milking you for a month.

I changed vets after decades because my vet sold out to retire. The upselling was disconcerting but the cost of painkillers, suggesting hydrothermal on a 17 year old dog of ours who was also messing indoors. My vets was now owned by an insurance company.

I changed vets to an independent one, who after seeing him a few times said it would be cruel to keep him going.

Suggest you go through Bank statement and see just how much £££££ all this supposed care is costing.

I haven't dodge your question but will answer again. £110 per month but get half back

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:07

momonpurpose · 12/12/2022 00:02

In the kindest way OP stop keeping this dog alive for you. It is selfish and cruel. I say this as a dog owner myself

To be honest I can't wait for her to go. I just want to do the right thing and not do it before her time. It's difficult.

CousinKrispy · 12/12/2022 00:08

OP, I don't know what time will be the right time, but obviously it needs to be "soon." Have you thought about what kind of last day to give your dog when the time comes? Is there a special treat or activity you can do first? Do you know if your vet will make a housecall or will you need to visit the office?

[Flowers] for all of us who have been there. It's so sad but yet it's also very loving to spare them final pain & indignity when it's the right time.

lemmein · 12/12/2022 00:12

We had our dog PTS for similar reasons. Her back legs were going, she used to try and run to the back door to go out for a wee but more often than not didn't make it - it was really distressing for her Sad She was a huge dog so I couldn't even carry her to make it easier.

I felt really, really shit about it. I think there's guilt when the decision is something that will also make your life easier (probably not the best way to put it but my brain isn't offering me any better!) but I know it was 100% the right thing to do, for her. Being in constant pain is no life.

I'm sorry OP, as shit and difficult as it is, I'm with your DH on this Flowers

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:13

momonpurpose · 12/12/2022 00:02

In the kindest way OP stop keeping this dog alive for you. It is selfish and cruel. I say this as a dog owner myself

To be honest I can't wait for her to go. I will be sad but just want to do the right thing for her. I have 2 other dogs also and had another PTS last year. I wish she was I'll in a way like my other dog. She had heart failure and was PTS quickly.

LosingTheWill2022 · 12/12/2022 00:13

Behaviour is communication.

I'd suggest that indoor toileting is a clear indication that something is not right. You say she doesn't have a physical or physiological reason not to go outside, but she doesn't.

So could it be her way of communicating that she's in distress or had enough.
Her physical discomfort may be more than she wants to have to cope with.

caringcarer · 12/12/2022 00:13

OP, I know it is hard to let a much loved pet go. Your dog is on Morphine. It would not be on Morphine unless it was in significant pain. You won't get up early to clean up after your dog but let your DH do it and he gets angry. If you refuse to let your dog have a dignified end by PTS after a day of treats, then you should do all clean ups after your dog. Your DH is trying to help your dog but you seem too invested to let it go. The medication will be making the dog lose sensation and feel sleepy and spaced out. That is what Morphine does. That is why it is weeing and pooing in the house.

JetBlackSteed · 12/12/2022 00:13

I've not read the thread, but you've got a pet on morphine. Do the kindest thing.

Postgraddope · 12/12/2022 00:14

It’s a hard decision but if you really care about your dog you should make that decision regardless of any professional opinion. You know your dog more than anyone else ..just do the right thing!