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Original poster

DH wants to put dog to sleep

208 replies

mrsjackrussell · 11/12/2022 23:23

I wasn’t sure whether to post in here or doghouse. It is a relationship issue aswell.

I have a 17 year old dog. She has arthritis and is on painkillers for this. Morphine and anti inflammatories. Can’t be walked far at all because of the pain. She goes to hydrotherapy and swims for 10 minutes and the vet says that she is uncomfortable but not in severe pain. The vet and hydro therapist says that it’s only a matter of time before she dies . She limps about indoors, enjoys her food and the rest of the time sleeps.

The issue is that she wees and poos indoors nearly all the time now. It’s been going on for nearly a year even if I have the back door open. She’s not incontinent as she’s goes in certain places. It’s getting us both down but my Dh mainly clears it up because he’s always up early. I’m disabled but can get down and clean it up and do my share although it’s a struggle.

He keeps wanting to get her put to sleep because of this and I don’t agree with it. He says it’s getting him down so much and gets really angry over it like he thinks she does it on purpose. Iv got to the point where Iv called his bluff and said okay book the appointment and you take her but he says that he couldn’t live with himself and that I would hate him. Which I would . We just keep having arguments over it as he keeps getting annoyed and because she’s my dog it’s making me feel like it’s my fault.

Im really disliking him over this. We have other issues anyway but am I over reacting? I just don’t know what I can do about this. I can see his point of view but apart from PTS what else can I do? It’s like he wants me to get angry too and agree with him but I don’t.

OP posts:
Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:15

CousinKrispy · 12/12/2022 00:08

OP, I don't know what time will be the right time, but obviously it needs to be "soon." Have you thought about what kind of last day to give your dog when the time comes? Is there a special treat or activity you can do first? Do you know if your vet will make a housecall or will you need to visit the office?

[Flowers] for all of us who have been there. It's so sad but yet it's also very loving to spare them final pain & indignity when it's the right time.

Thankyou so much for your kind words.
I think I will just take her there with no ceremony as it will make it harder. She can eat all the pate first x

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:17

caringcarer · 12/12/2022 00:13

OP, I know it is hard to let a much loved pet go. Your dog is on Morphine. It would not be on Morphine unless it was in significant pain. You won't get up early to clean up after your dog but let your DH do it and he gets angry. If you refuse to let your dog have a dignified end by PTS after a day of treats, then you should do all clean ups after your dog. Your DH is trying to help your dog but you seem too invested to let it go. The medication will be making the dog lose sensation and feel sleepy and spaced out. That is what Morphine does. That is why it is weeing and pooing in the house.

Thankyou for your reply. I'm disabled and my Dh gets up early for work and that's why he cleans up in the morning. I think I will take her tomorrow and get it over with.

electricdreaming · 12/12/2022 00:18

I’ve seen lots of posters on here before say that it’s better to do it a day too early than a day too late, which I really agree with. If you wait for a professional to tell you it’s the right time, she will probably be suffering a lot at that point. I wouldn’t wait for her quality of life to deteriorate to that. It’s a really difficult decision to make, I really feel for you.

icegoose · 12/12/2022 00:19

It is really hard OP but it does sound as though it is time.
It can be really hard to try and decide when enough is enough with gentle decline rather than a sudden trauma.
I agree with people saying that vets usually let owners make the decision.

momonpurpose · 12/12/2022 00:21

OP I know it's hard they are family but the pain meds still leave your dog in discomfort. It's better a day soon then a day late

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:21

lemmein · 12/12/2022 00:12

We had our dog PTS for similar reasons. Her back legs were going, she used to try and run to the back door to go out for a wee but more often than not didn't make it - it was really distressing for her Sad She was a huge dog so I couldn't even carry her to make it easier.

I felt really, really shit about it. I think there's guilt when the decision is something that will also make your life easier (probably not the best way to put it but my brain isn't offering me any better!) but I know it was 100% the right thing to do, for her. Being in constant pain is no life.

I'm sorry OP, as shit and difficult as it is, I'm with your DH on this Flowers

I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's a horrible decision to have to make. I think I will just go ahead with it tomorrow. No fuss. I will just take her. It's difficult because she is swimming once a week which makes me think she's alright to carry on.

Opentooffers · 12/12/2022 00:21

Sorry but it's likely yourself who is not ready to have her pts. I know it's hard, they are a part of you, but I'd like to think that if one day my boy was in your poor dogs position I'd find the strength.
Some pet physicians also know that pulling on an owners heartstrings is a sure fire way of continuing the income stream for them. You come to realise owning a pet what a money merry-go- round it is. Shows how important the NHS is for people, but unfortunately it's largely private care for pets. I'm sure the hydrotherapy isn't cheap, and if your insurance pays for it, they might feel even less bad about encouraging others to invest in it. But really? Is there any point to the hydrotherapy? It's valid as physio for getting over surgery or strength development after acute illness, but in a palliative situation where there is only going to be future deterioration, I doubt the benefits. Therefore, I'm sceptical of your hydrtherapists motivation to claim your dog is not ready yet when clearly, that is not the case.
I think, on balance your DP is right on this one.

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:21

momonpurpose · 12/12/2022 00:21

OP I know it's hard they are family but the pain meds still leave your dog in discomfort. It's better a day soon then a day late

Thankyou

momonpurpose · 12/12/2022 00:21

We will all be here for you ❤️

Countsinpotatoes · 12/12/2022 00:22

Flowerytray · 11/12/2022 23:36

Thankyou forget your reply.

I have discussed this recently with the vet and I asked them to be honest and he said she's okay for now but best sooner than later but not now. I listened and took their advice.

Show quote history

This 100% sounds like the vet giving his blessing to pts

In many years of pet ownership I've rarely had a vet tell me it's time, they've tended to offer different solutions and never outright say it. They will never suggest it in my experience. Discomfort is a euphanism for pain. I was told I'd have Discomfort when I had major surgery, they meant pain

It's really difficult to pts in situations like this, when there's a sudden change in health its a bit clearer but when they are just a bit worse each day then you lose perspective, today doesn't seem worse than the day before and its hard to make the decision

You would 100% pts If she had been healthy yesterday and something happened overnigh, so she was in this situation, toileting in doors, struggling to Mobilise and still in Discomfort despite being on the strongest pain killers and being dozy. It's just happened gradually so you can't see it, but none of this is going to get better.

Each day she is going to be a bit worse, and you have to decide what your line in the sand is. It can't be reliant on others telling you it's time, because they are waiting for you to tell them it's time, and are basing it on your perspective not the dogs

Reindeersnooker · 12/12/2022 00:22

It's time. Better earlier.

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:22

I'm going to take her tomorrow even if I have to go on my own. I will let you know how it goes. Thankyou for your advice.

Regularsizedrudy · 12/12/2022 00:23

If you don’t want to PTS then you need to get up early and clean up the mess.

silverclock222 · 12/12/2022 00:23

OP you have made the right decision.

PestorPeston · 12/12/2022 00:24

Make sure she gets the pate for breakfast.

Sakura7 · 12/12/2022 00:25

It's very hard OP but you are making the right decision for her. Better a week too early than a day too late, and at 17 she's had an incredible life. 💐

MichaelFabricantWig · 12/12/2022 00:26

I’m with your OH. Time to let the old girl go. You’re being really unfair on both him, and more importantly, the dog.

Onnabugeisha · 12/12/2022 00:26

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:22

I'm going to take her tomorrow even if I have to go on my own. I will let you know how it goes. Thankyou for your advice.

It’s the right decision OP. I know you are probably sobbing right now…go and get a cuddle from your DH. Your love for your puppy shines through in this whole thread.

theresastormcoming · 12/12/2022 00:34

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:36

@Onnabugeisha
Thankyou for your kind words. I'm not upset just relieved to make a decision. My husband has made it for me aswell. Thankyou

Pinkbluebells · 12/12/2022 00:38

I don't think the husband is being unreasonable here. I hope the OP doesn't blame him. Her dog had a long life and was obviously very well looked after. I do wonder if the dog was a cash cow for the vet though. From all I've heard it's very peaceful and you can stay with them.

StrawberryPot · 12/12/2022 00:38

In many years of pet ownership I've rarely had a vet tell me it's time, they've tended to offer different solutions and never outright say it. They will never suggest it in my experience. Discomfort is a euphanism for pain. I was told I'd have Discomfort when I had major surgery, they meant pain

Same here. I foolishly interpreted the range of treatment options being offered by various vets for my beloved old girl as meaning pts wasn't on the cards yet. I assumed they would tell me if that was the right course of action. When I finally saw sense and suggested it myself, the vet looked relieved and said that's what he would do if she was his dog.

Such an awful decision to have to make. I really feel for you op x

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

You're the only person that has mentioned this. Thankyou. I can't take the anger anymore because he has been emotionally abusive in the past shouting and aggressive.
We don't really have a relationship anymore. We have 2 other dogs. He wants another one but I don't. He used to shout at my other dog I had PTS last year and scare her. It broke my heart. so maybe Iv been focusing on his anger and not the dog because his anger gives me anxiety.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/12/2022 00:42

Flowerytray · 11/12/2022 23:40

Thankyou.
I have discussed with the vet recently and he said that she's not ready to be PTS yet. The pain is under control and just discomfort rather than pain. The hydro therapist also said that he doesn't think she is ready yet as she swims for 10 minutes. He is very experienced. I am listening to the experts. It doesn't bother her at all doing it indoors as she walks into another room and does it.

Show quote history

How would you feel if despite heavy needs you felt in constant discomfort? And possibly having an increase into actual pain as the heavy duty needs wear off, basically existing only to do some physio, eat and sleep?

Flowerytray · 12/12/2022 00:44

SleepingStandingUp

It's okay I'm taking her tomorrow to be PTS Iv already said

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